Went out to eat last night for a get together, the adults sat there and talked for two hours that by the time I got home it was midnight and I still had to do homework and study. I was so dead tired and cranky. Took my English and Genetics/Biotech finals today. Wasn't as bad as I had thought. Miz cried at the end and I felt so awkward because I always felt like she was disappointed in me and because of that she grew to dislike me? Came home and went out with family again to look at land and they went shopping around Von Maur and I'm just like wtf why are we here? It's none of my style. Had an emergency and had to do a customer's nails in a salon for the first time. I was so clueless and felt so awkward, started coughing like crazy during the middle for no reason? It was horrid, I didn't even finish the job but I still got tipped $5 LOL. I'll stick to Sonic until I get my cosmo license heh. I wanna get my CNA license as well though gah.
Last night.
Goin' to bed even though I need to study for Japanese.
The guy in the red hat reminded me of his style of dancing.
Came home around 10:00PM last night. On the way home around Des Moines it stormed and lighting pretty bad. The wind was pretty strong and 6 cars got stranded on the highway and a small car pushed to the railing. Luckily I was in the big 4x4 but we still got pushed from side to side pretty badly. I was already in a bad mood because of the assignments that I need to complete and because of parents and aunt. I dunno but the more time I spend with her the more I grow to dislike and resent her. As a child I admired her high authority aura but now I see it as high maintenance where she expects to be waited on. One of the thing I hate when going back to Vietnam is being expected to hold and do things for my aunts and cousin. No I do not want to hold your bags while you walk around empty handed. Don't pull the filial shit with me because I'm long gone done with that. It's the 21st century and I live in America, not India or Pakistan or wherever that sees women and children as possession/resources. I don't wanna go around taking photos of you, I'm not some kind of paparazzi. It's my camera, mine and I prefer to take photos of myself or someone/thing special on a time I set. I'm not rebellious, I'm just fed up. As a child you simply follow what is told, as you grow and think you see the injustice in life and your tolerance level fluxes. It's my life and the decisions I choose impact me, not you. I must live with it, not you. Hell, I didn't even want to go to Chicago. I dreaded it because I took the weekend off to study and complete finals and save my ass from summer school and the attitudes only make it worse. Went into a cacoon and silently cried from the emotional and mental stress in the car on the way back. To avoid tension I try to keep my distance from her and speak as little as possible. Now I must cram like crazy, and I'm afraid I won't even get everything in with the 21 English Exercises, finish my dress, finish my quilt, math packet, watch two movies for Watergate, Progressive essay, and finish my genetics study guide. I finished my Chapter 34 and 34 textbook reading and completed the online quizzes since I got around 4:00. Ah great, more studying and homework. So hungry..
First full day of being in Chicago. We came to the outskirts of Chicago, about an hour away around midnight and couldn't go any further since the others were pooped so we went around trying to find Days Inn instead we found Knights Inn. It was ran by a Paki and the motel smelled of rust oxide and there were cobwebs. The internet went in and out every half minute so it was difficult to do anything at all and the beds were itchy but the AC was pretty awesome and it helped cover up the musky odor. Got woken up at six in the morning and got rushed to get going. Went to Cracker Barrel for brunch and the atmosphere was pretty sweet for photos. Afterwards it took us around an hour and a half to get into the heart of Chicago since there was traffic and it took a while to get a parking space. It costed around $15~30 for a parking space, damn. Went looking around, didn't do much nor buy anything. Found this huge phone in t-mobile and I just had to get a photo with it hehe. I hate how whenever we go somewhere I'm automatically given the position to take everybody else's photos, so where the hell does that leave me? I ain't gonna take photos of you over and over again until you're satisfied, I'm doing my own shit. Not to mention it creates more work for me later on to upload and delete yet nobody even looks at the photos or uses em. Got really pissed off around 3:00PM since they were pushing me to stay until Tuesday which is unacceptable with me since I have finals on Tuesday and I still have to study and turn in make-up work and tests on Monday. I originally took off this weekend to study for finals yet I'm unable to do anything. I really wanna save my grade and not have to attend summer school, not to mention I don't wanna pay for that shit. Later on we went to Chinatown and went to Hee King for supper and I got myself an unagi don and an almond lychee boboa smoothie, oish souii! Then we went to the adults' friend's house. We tried to find a motel for Ami, Chinh, and I but all the rooms were out and a room costed $500 a night which was ridiculous. So we headed back to the friend's house and had a really late dinner. I had nothing against their food and appreciate their effort in cooking but I wasn't hungry and did not want to eat. I shouldn't be forced to eat when I'm not hungry because not only is that unhealthy but I get nagged at when I gain weight so they should stop being hypocrites. Another thing I hate is when an adult tries to control, or anyone in general. I am my own human being and I'm at the age where I make decisions for myself and how I feel. Don't say I'm spoiled when you don't even see me once a year or talk to me. When they try to assert authority or play favorites with their nieces and nephews, it makes me sick and makes me wanna get as far away as I can. I don't wanna hold your stuff, why should I be forced to while you walk around empty handed? Gah, I just wanna go home and make dough and save my grades.
Not sure why they want me to go to Chicago so badly, heck I don't even wanna go. I wanna stay home and study for finals because that's originally why I had taken the weekend off for. Didn't realize I still had my Watergate essay until midnight so I started freaking out and got around 2 pages but I wasn't able to finish it all so I gave up and at two in the morning. I was looking forward to going get quality shut eye. Gah, I was so pooped today. Planned to go out with Jae and Li after school but wasn't able to since I'm being forced to take two of my make-up tests but I'm not ready for them. Gotta get up early to take my HIV one tomorrow morning and I'm not sure about my Japanese one?
Today was their first full day here. I took my exams in the morning at OHEC. I got their about 15 minutes early but I wasn't able to stop by a store to pick up breakfast or coffee like I did with the last one. I think I did pretty well, 7 pages within an hour, can you say boss? Ah booyah! Li and I planned to go to Chipotle but she had to go somewhere with her mother for her dog so I just went to McDonalds for a small meal and went home to chill since I had a dentist appointment later on. I swear each time my head hits the back of those chairs for dentist crap I always become really sleepy for some reason? Jae came over and brought me a frappe, yeyeye! Helped me out with history and totally failed. Later Uncle Pedro and I went tried to find a Krispy Kreme around the area but on my GPS it said the nearest was like 10 miles away so we to PC and bought doughnuts and ice cream, saw Jas and John there. Gotta cram for Japanese kanji, HIV test, and for all my other finals. Sheeeet haha.
The word cram makes me think of a turtle now because I'm basically a turtle that's slamming itself with studying not to mention a bitchy mother doesn't help either. She's so god damn controlling and bitchy lately, wonder what's up her ass. Made me clean out my room and she's taking over it, shoving me over to my sister's room. Gah, I hate sharing rooms now. When I was little and begged to not be alone I was forced to sleep alone so why fucken bother now. My god, my room, my shit that I bought with my own money. Hands off. God, now I don't even wanna work at a salon anymore because she'll bitch whenever I don't go out and clean their stinken feet and shit. No, I'mma work wherever the hell I want and create my own fucken schedule. Being a bitch won't make things easier. I don't get "bad" as I grow up, I'm just sick of always trying to fit an image that'll never satisfy you. I wanna get treated the way I treat others so stop bulging your god damn eyes out at me. I don't give a fuck if I'm given the label as an unfilial daughter. Fuck, if the parents don't do their part I ain't doin' shit. I don't wanna hold stinky ass feet and suck up to customers all my life. Hell, I don't wanna suck up anymore. I'm gonna obtain great things by myself, through my own efforts so fuck off and don't try to claim credit or title when I do. I pushed through by myself, with my stamina, and my determination.
