Old Settlers 2k13.

Won two prizes, rode the twirl a whirl, and tried to flirt with a guy who turned out to be gay. Oh boo, haha. It was pretty awesome. In the beginning I was pretty nervous about running into my ex, my heart kept pounding but instead I really wanted to run into Mrs. K to see how she's doing and Lucy. Ran into Hailey instead and she actually tapped me on the shoulder because I didn't notice her at first. She seemed pretty chill unlike before which was nice. Couple of photos below. Heading off to bed since I open again tomorrow, oh and my car broke down so I'm car-less for however long. Probably a month or two, yay.

Effort.

You change as swift as the direction of the wind. Maybe it's me who isn't ready. Maybe I'm the immature one who handles herself too well, the realist who analyzes the consequences rather than be the optimist who conjures up all the possibilities of a happily ever after. What's so horrid about me? That I'm hard working, heart strung with a rough background? That I have so much baggage from the past which broke and shattered the child from within myself to form all these insecurities? Or maybe it's you. You who can't handle the times when I just need a shoulder for comfort, my odd moments when I shower you with what ways I could express my affection for you. Maybe I'm just not cut out to be with anyone.

Hypocrisy.

I can't stand this hypocrisy. This judgement of always wanting the upper hand while others are doomed to crawl underneath thy. You limited my social development and academic participation yet you expect me to do everything an American child dreams of for my younger siblings? Hell to the no. I'm already struggling to cope with my position in life, how the hell am I suppose to be able to provide for them? Why should I even when I wasn't given it as a child? I walked home by myself back then, a school that was a 20 minute walk away from where we lived and it wasn't even a safe neighborhood either but I still did it. When we moved, I still walked home by myself and now Andi and Alex's turn you expect me to come pick them up when they live .2 miles away which is 57 seconds away according to google maps so why the fuck are you making me pick them up when I had to do the same thing back then? They have each other for company and friends when I did not have any friends, socially awkward, and did not speak English. You want me to pay attention to their academics yet you never paid any heed to mine. Hell you're not even paying for my tuition, I'm paying it myself, through the government by scholarships, and later on it'll turn into student loans. What more do you want from me? I take on honor classes and you never once have sat down with me to help me with English, math, or anything. I've always had to figure it out myself or turn to the teacher. You say I'm disrespectful, you say I'm a brat that should've been aborted, you say you made a mistake. Well why are you telling me these things? I don't feel bad, I don't feel anything. It just makes me more determined to succeed and get the hell away from you. When I do, maybe I'll finally be able to find a guy to settle down with because your religion forcing ways intimidate others and you poison relationships with your rancid motives.

Leftover Woman.

I have a feeling I will become what the Chinese deem, leftover woman. successful and educated women who are deemed undesirable because of their age which range from 27-30. Guys who fear ambitious and determined females. I don't want to settle for someone who doesn't understand and take the time to learn about me. I just want someone who is stable and love me, gah. I feel like expiring milk on the shelf, haha! Wonder what's going on? I'm Anywhos, finished throwing my five cylinders in ceramics and now all I have left is to trim the bottom and decorate. Wonder what designs I should incise in them! Was pretty tuckered out these past two days even though I went to bed pretty early last night. I'll be passing out in 5th - 7th period constantly that I can't even keep an eye open. Noticed that I've gotten round and plump in certain areas, especially my hips. I haven't like gotten humongous but I'm slightly not that banana shaped anymore lolol. TMI aye? But hey, I'm getting my woman curves haha! Talked over with my mom about cars again and she's still pushing me to get an SUV..and I don't understand still except for the fact that she'll probably use it to drive the kids around in. Brought up the requirement of a reliability because of the winter times and everything and I said I'll get get a small car that has 4x4 hehe.

MMD?

Woke up this morning around 7AM, it was pouring and thundering heavily. Wasn't sure if I was the opening carhop or if there was someone already there because if there was I was gonna see if I should come in later and I was scared of driving in that storm heh. Did a nice job of prepping bags today or so I'd like to think. Megs came in. Saw a dead praying mantis on the sidewalk. Tips were alright. Didn't gorge myself but didn't starve either. Mom came into my room in the morning, asking how much I make a month and that I need to go to nail school which I already knew I was. Came home and apparently we're all going to the zoo tomorrow yet they never bothered to tell me and now they want me to call in which irritates me. Don't expect something without telling me before hand. This is the sixth time they've all gone and done something together without me and personally I don't mind that much I guess. They out to dinner or breakfast while I head to work and other activities. Says I shouldn't work anymore since I'm barely making anything and that I'm never home. I'm never home due to school and work and if I don't work it's not like they're gonna cover my expenses. 

Sok sera.

Not sure what's up with me lately. Since two to three days ago I've been feeling pretty down but I pushed that away. Now I'm just sitting here, bawling my eyes out. I mean, I guess a good bawl once in a while is healthy but a couple during a consecutive period shouldn't be unless there's a reason behind it isn't it? I'm just so down.