My reflection.

I was selfish. I got jealous and clingy often, wanting to be the only apple of his eye. He's my man and mine only. He was. I picked fights and let pride get in the way. I entered a relationship not fully confident, with only pieces of my heart rather than a whole. I wasn't affectionate in public because I didn't want to cause issues that would matters difficult. I've came to realize my mistakes though and I'm willing to fix them. I came to love him with every somatic cell of my heart. I yearn for him day and night, wanting to always be by his side that I began to suffocate him. His image is always in my mind and dreams. I'm willing to be everything I was before: relaxed, publicly affectionate, and understanding. I want to be his everything again. I want to wake up to his face every day, I want to come home to his arms, I want his lips against mine, I want to walk hand in hand with him. I want another chance for our future.

I want to be his wife, and him to be my husband in this life and the next. I want to start a family with him, and grow old together.

I want to be scared and have his arms around me, comforting.

Went shopping today and I saw a fairly young baby interacting with his mother. It made me wonder, would mine have been that happy? After a while, my chest started throbbing with pain. Not internally but externally. It kept pulsing with pain and I wonder why. I wasn't thinking of sadness, I was trying to live a normal life and push everything to the back of my mind but it kept throbbing that I started punching my chest hoping that it was just poor blood circulation. 

By losing him, I didn't only lose a lover. I lost my one and only best friend. The one I confide my fears and joys with. The one that I felt most comfortable around. The one I could share kisses with, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I lost the future I desired so bad. I lost him, my world and heart.