Stupid.

I hate this feeling inside my chest. I hate this emotion that makes my whole body wash over with sadness and resentment. The same one I experienced last Saturday morning when I was ignored, when his attention was paid to someone else. It's stupid. I can't do anything about it, nor should I feel compelled to. I've decided, I will be beautiful even if eyes do not fall upon me because I am beautiful. I don't have to hide myself in grime and misery, nobody wants to protect the gem either way so why hide it? Sometimes I wonder if I stand in the pouring rain, would the pain be washed away? Will these ill feelings and painful memories be erased with the cleansing rain? If I fell asleep beneath the crying skies, will I rise as a new being or will I just catch pneumonia and fade?

Ironic how a stranger can walk into your life, walk all over you, and walk out. There should be a law fining people as murder or as a trespasser! Or if we were allowed to lock our doors so people can't walk into our lives, roam around and change things, then walk out. It would make life so much easier, wouldn't you agree? You don't have to worry about others arrivals and departures, wouldn't have to worry about the pain of someone's absence.

Years ago, I was filled with love, compassion, and kindness. As a child, I was happy and wanted others to be as well. Now, I'm a realist. I see things logically, at how things might affect myself so I avoid it all and run away. As a child, even when I got pushed away and rejected. I would cry but I would still stay by their side, wanting only what was good for them even if it ached me. The devotion I once held, the perseverance, the faith, where has it all gone? How did I become such a cold person within such a short amount of time. Society is scary. It transforms a bright, joyful individual into a cynical, dark spirit. I want to become that foolish child again. One of goodness and purity, one of great faith in humanity, one capable of true happiness and love.