Gradually healing.

I'm guessing today was suppose to be the last day? Or is it by a certain time? Either way, I wasted my day haha. It wasn't necessarily a day worthy to be my last. I honestly don't know what I'm doing, I'm running 'round in circles while someone else is progressing forward. I guess I'm somewhat scared to move forward, in case I leave something but what if there's still a chance somehow. I know there's not a chance though, yet deep inside of me. Even though I don't want to hope, there's still a bit of hope. Slowly dying but still there as ever. Have you already moved on completely? That you can turn away from me so easily and so swift as though I were a ghost. Whenever I hear a single doorbell ring, my heart skips a beat but then my mind tells it to stop being so naive. There's no reason for you to show up much less unexpected.

I don't want to love again just yet. It feels strange to think of another person in that light, much less act upon it. I don't want to rush into an affectionate relation with anyone. I just need a friend. The flirting and complementing gets old and tiring, especially when they come on too hard and my feelings towards them are neutral. I hate it when they dare scold me because they obviously don't understand me yet, nor can they take my sarcasm which at times hold affection if you're able to read into it. I don't know where my broken heart is so I'm unable to give anyone pieces of it. I guess I just want to be able to move on before getting back into anything that might become serious. I want to be able to stand on my own, be independent once again, and just take a break from these things. I don't know why I'm being such a big baby, always crying at random moments. I guess there's one good thing out of it all: I don't have to say good-bye anymore.

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I woke up late as usual, laying in bed for a good hour just browsing facebook through my phone. Ate some rice porridge for breakfast, then Brandon came over. He helped me revise my Scarlet Letter essay that's due on Monday then we must sat and chat, watched Guilty Crown, Persona 4, and just chilled. Had milk, cheese pizza, and bananas for my night meal. Didn't feel like eating much at all tonight. Colored Ami's hair and mine tonight. Trying to get things ready for the Japan trip. I'm stoked.

You know what she's afraid of? How you'll talk to her, try to get to know her, flirt to make her feelings run wild, ignore her purposely just to draw her in closer, insult her playfully to get her sensitive, express your feelings to her to help her fall for you, then she falls for you & everything is all good & cute for awhile, then eventually, you'll slowly drift away from her & it's over. Why? Cause that's what happened with all the other guys who told her they'd never leave.

Forgot to post the daily photos of me. I've noticed the shape of my face changing. Braces are making me thinner in the body and face, woot!