Bad week.

So, overall this whole week has been emotionally draining. Event number one having to be with a difficult customer. It was busy and the customer was an elderly old lady. I did the usual greeting and tried to serve her. She had just gotten a vocal cord surgery so it was difficult to hear her, much less understand. I patiently listen and waited for her to finish. I couldn't understand well so I asked her to write it down just to make sure. All the while she pointed her bony, long skeletal fingers at me with a furrowed face. She kept saying that she's from Arizona and that her English is perfectly fine, that she's been in the nursing field and that I have to listen to her? All the while pointing and shaking her finger in my face. What the fuck? I gave her a discount, carried her salad back and forth, got her chicken and basically went out of my way. I'm from the Kitchen, I sell food from there only - I don't touch any veggies or anything near that department yet I got boxes for her to put her lettuce in, even closed and packaged them and got chicken from the kitchen for her salad since she wanted it yet she had the audacity to be straight out rude and complain to a floor manager? Not to mention she spit all over me, not only in my face but my neck as well. Ugh, this hag. I don't care if you had to put up with shit before you retired in the nursing department cause guess what, you're being a little shit head. I hope you catch a cold and die you witch. It was a very stressful day for me, but I brushed it off. Went into the cooler for a couple of seconds to cool down and came back out cheerful as ever.

The second event would be with prom. Now, the first hour and a half were swell. It was what happened after that got my patience and temper ticking. It was pretty difficult to restrain myself from lashing out and saying things I'd probably regret so I just walked away and avoided eye contact with each chance of interaction.

My whole level of patience and understanding has just plummet throughout this whole week. Always in a grouchy mood. Maybe it's from holding everything in, I don't know. Then today. I'm a clerk yet I wasn't even on the line today. Spent half the night helping out in the back with dishes because others be asses and worm away. Didn't mind it too much. Afterwards went to bus tables because everyone ran away when Charity stated that the dining area needed a bus person. I was whatever. I walked into an area with 4 booths, and 3 tables that were trashed, all the other tables occupied, and two families standing - waiting for me to clear a table. I didn't even know what to clean the tables with or where the supplies where! But whatever, I figured it out. I'm pretty sure others could tell I was unhappy because their voices were softer than usual and they seemed awkward yet eager to ease the tension I guess? I didn't throw things around or put on an attitude. Just worked in solitude without smiling much. Meh.

I am just so stressed and irritated. Holding in my emotions and anger in vain. It's not that I'm being a dramatic hoe and holding it in so I can blow up later but I just don't know how to talk about my feelings. Why I feel the way I am or what happened. I'm just so tired and I disregard it because I'd rather just push it to the side, even if it pokes its head back into my thoughts. There's a strong urge to just take everything and smash it, to set someone on fire, to scream in agony. Yet there's also the pain in my chest and the tightness in my throat which evidently leads to me crying. So pretty much, little things tick me off that I get the urge to physically harm someone and I end up crying for no apparent reason leading me to stay up til 5AM. Great. I'm pissy and emotional, that one moment I have thought of setting someone on fire to crying. Long story short: I get angry to the point of murder, I break down crying, I push people away because they don't wouldn't understand. Yay.