Paralyzed with fear and emptiness.

I thought I'd be more unstable but I guess I've matured/learned. There's some sort of chemical that overcomes me. It has a numbing, bee sting sensation from head to toes/fingers. It has a similar feeling to when I start thinking about death - paralyzed with fear. The feelings I feel from time to time, a sense of boredom and sadness. I think it may be a relapse of mild depression I tend to have. 

I don't know if I'm in the denial stage or what. I just know that I'll have moments where I'll be doing a  customer and randomly tears would start flowing down while I'd be scrubbing their feet. My very last customer today, we had a short chat and it really helped opening up to her. She told me about her similar situation with her husband 6 months ago. I don't know what action I'd do but it was nice knowing that everything will work out eventually in different or similar ways. In the end, she gave me a hug and told me to hang in there - everything will be ok. I needed that physical comfort.