Different Paths.

Surprise, surprise. Guess we don't have to worry about college visits anymore huh? That's one pro I can make out of this dilemma heh. I've been feeling unsure and avoided during the trip, as though something might be wrong or have changed. Been waiting to get home to try and change that, and to figure out my feelings. Guess there's no need for that anymore because it's better to forget em. Not sure what this is I'm feeling inside my chest. It kinda hurts and it makes me sad so I'm rolled up in my bed sobbing for no reason. News of you moving is already difficult but being pushed away and treated like this just makes it worse.

Sex.

I felt so dead having to get outta bed this morning, probably didn't get enough sleep. Had dad take me to work since my car was getting a part replaced. Work had its rushes and slows, Jim Baxter came in towards the end of my shift as I was counting down and I had my phone out and I was like oh shit. Apparently we're going to have designated carhops, headset, ect now. That's fucken dumb though because the person who doesn't carhop don't make tip yet they're still paid sever's wage! Unfair, unjust, and illogical! Came home, ate, and quickly changed to attend Ami's graduation from beauty school. Afterwards I changed again to go out with the girls. Visited Kayla at work and I think the guys I hit on earlier where there because the one in black kept looking at me. I was like oh shit, is that really them? Got a lot of looks from guys today, not sure if they were checking me out or if I looked like an odd alien? Bought tickets for the To Do List and oh my goodness, that movie was so funny and informational for girls! I spot a lot of similarities and scenarios that I had in my past sexual experience which made me laugh and face palm myself at times. Gave a call back to see if I could get an interview tomorrow instead and turns out they're grouping the people and calling the candidates, so I'm guessing that it'll be a group interview? Eeeek! Never had one of those before and I feel like I won't be able to fully express or correctly express myself. Meh, it's okay if I don't get this. I'mma wing it, besides I already have a job so no worries! ( n _ n )

Coming home around 1AM, looking pretty rachet heh.

New Opportunity.

Got woken up by dad around 8:00AM to reminding me to get outta bed and enroll. Mama came in around 8:30AMish to nag em to get up and enroll early since she wanted to leave for work which is funny because high school enrollment starts at  8AM but elementary starts at 11AM. I was planning on enrolling myself around 10AM instead then swing over to Scarborough afterwards. Completed all the enrollments within an hour and a half, plus I arrived for the kids' enrollment before they officially opened. FTW. My tea concentrate arrived in the mail as well as the car part. Had a cup of it this morning before breakfast and I must admit, it taste nasty but it really suppresses the appetite. Had a bowl of rice and had an urge to throw up before I even came close to finishing it. Not because of taste but because I just didn't want to eat. How odd? Cobe came over and we tried to watch some Xuan Yuan but got caught up in playful fighting. He kicked me in vagina for kicking him in the dick LOLOL. Realized I got a missed call later on and it turns out someone had called me to see if I wanted an interview with them. Surprise, surprise! I had filled out applications for the heck of it since I was bored like two weeks ago and forgot all about it, then boom someone is interested in me. Last year I had to call people every single day to check on the status of my application and show how determined I was to get a job heh. I called them back 10 minutes prior to them closing to see if I could squeeze an interview in after work but the latest they could get was 3:00PM which was no good. They told me to call again tomorrow to see if they can work something out for the day after. Gah, so excited but also pretty mellow. Gotta wing the interview and if I score then I score. Gonna be difficult juggling two jobs and school with college exams but I know I can do it. Ganbaro! ( ^ o ^ )V

Burden.

 My stupid ass had to be nosy - after all this time I've been cautious by steering clear - and I click on a link resulting in something that upset me. I should've known! Just didn't think that I'd still be affected by it. All this pain and anger came rushing back. First was fear, then sorrow as tears kept falling. Anger quickly dominated and I just wanted to scream and unleash pain upon something. All the shit I've been through because of them, I let it be forgotten. I let the past's happiness blind me for a moment. It blinded me of the times when I cowered in fear that he would hit me, it blinded me of the fate he forced me into, it blinded me of the torture I experienced. I may be petty but I will never forgive them. Corey Kitivoravong, for the lies and irresponsibility; Sharon Lee and Kayla Bui, for the manipulation, rumors, and betrayal; Nikhat Noorani, for joining in on the bitching and lies. There are many others who "side" up with them and distance themselves from me even though I treat them with kindness and we had been friends long before they knew of him and them. I'm just angry at why so many people jump on the bandwagon and point their fingers at me while he does no wrong. I have been through hell and back, I treat you with kindness and I do not mention any matters of him so why do you all dislike me so much? I've lost so many acquaintances and friends but it's okay in a way. Karma will get them back for me in some way, it doesn't have to be anything major. Something like their battery dying in the middle of the highway is fine. As for the names I mentioned, I wish for them to go through much more pain than I did. I want them to feel the isolation and helplessness I did, to feel the emotional, mental, physical turmoil of having to losing your child, and I want them to seek repentance from me. In the mean time, there is no need for me to cry and be upset again. I've been spent months end doing that. It's time to be happy again because it's my life and I deserve it. No need to hide from love nor rush in and pretend it's something it's not. Guess what I'm saying is that I'm not going to force myself to wait until college to be in a relationship. If I happen to bump into the one and we walk the same path then so be it. It's something I'd prefer but if Cupid happens to strike the right one, I will not run in the opposite direction.

Smiling because I deserve to, actually it's because I look like shit when I cry LOL.

A couple of hours after I stopped crying.

Favoritism,

Got woken up at 8:00AM by mama and Ami for paperwork stuff. Couldn't go back to sleep so I got up and just chillax'd until it was time to leave for work. It was pretty steady busy the whole day but we got slammed for our dinner rush around 6:00PM to 9:00PM. Both Jims came in and helped with the rush, and I gotta say Jim Baxter's presence was scary as fuh and Ellison seemed pretty backed down. Did headset and carhopped all morning through happy hour and for the rest of the night I just expo'd. Cobe and Kevin came to visit around 5:00PM and dropped off their procrastinated gifts lol. I feel like I ate too much today. Gah, need to stop! Don't wanna gain the weight I lost from being sick haha. Anywhos, last night I had a dream and it was so odd. It has to deal with being in Japan or amongst Japanese people and I was in this wooden apartment. Then I ended up in a classroom and I was a mother of this little toddler girl. Somehow I had accidentally triggered something which caused fertilization then boom. I had a baby boy on the way. How very odd and unlikely because I don't plan on going down that road again, especially not alone and a single teenage mother of two.

Sigh. Anyways, two more relatives are immigrating over here. I dislike it! This is suppose to be my place to get away from their constricting, manipulative, and nagging ways. They think it's so easy to earn money and that status is everything. NO. This is the white man's land of 21st century. Not the yellow faces' of 20th century. She says she wants to come over for film but wants to go to LA. First off, do you know how expensive it is over there in American living terms much less Vietnam's currency terms? Second, all you care about is popularity and social status! Hence you pretend and dream to be famous celebrities and rich heirs like Taylor Lautner and Nhat Hoang. You fail in middle school that our aunties have to bribe the school to pass you, you skip summer school, and you get in fights with the other children all the time! You're gonna use the experience of study abroad in American to elevate your status and be "Oh, I studied in America" and blah blah. You have your heads stuck in the clouds that a rich, elderly man is going to adopt you and you'll live in America as a famous brat! Oh my god, I cannot fathom how utterly arrogant and naive people over there are. You have to work hard to get any place. Over here it's not all about money but also about dedication. I may come off as unfilial and alien to my roots but think about it, why would I waste my hard earn money to a place where the people are naive, arrogant, and narrow minded? To be treated as a klutz, carrying my aunts' and cousins' bags, and lectured. Who is that stupid? I have no friends, I know nothing, and I am defenseless over there. Over here I know the laws, the people, and I can survive. I don't even wanna bring anyone back with me if I had that option again. I'd only go back to show my husband where my roots are but I wouldn't visit them nor let them know I had return. I'm much more likely to return to Japan, Hong Kong, or Singapore than Vietnam though. That's how much I protest against their unjust way of thinking.

Return.

Smh, some guys just come on too strong. No, I do not want to massage you or touch you in any other way than a friendly hug. Sigh. Some boys. Today was my first day back to work since 2 weeks! Gah, it's been so long haha. Only two headsets work now and the clock in the front had broken. We hired a few more people but they stay on night shift so it doesn't affect me much. Tips were pretty swell today but I think I've become outta shape, plus I miss the taste of 'merican food heh. I don't think my thighs and calves will ever become as small as they use to be when school comes around.