Then last night I had a dream that I went bike riding with this other person, for some apparent reason? I went through this ghetto neighborhood and ended up walking into this wooden house, not a typical american one. Seemed more like those ones you find in Asia. There were people, but nobody I knew. I had a stray, abused dog with me as well. I had rescued it and made it mine. It was a boy, dark grey, and speckled with floppy ears. It was a big dog. It seemed to be part terrier, but had the shape of a German Shepard but shorter hair. We went past this huge, dog that seemed to be anticipating on whether to attack or not. It was chained to a post near the doorway but it seemed to be in position to lunge so the other person, I, and the dog left - even though the sun was setting quickly over the horizon.
Not sure why all the dreams I have concerning babies are always mine in some way or another, I just have a sense of possession and maternal connection even if it doesn't start off that way. They always end up being females as well, wonder if that's a sign? Which is really odd because I had a gut feeling that she was going to be a he. Eh, I'll never know but know after so many reoccurring dreams I think the baby was a girl. Definitely. She never expresses traits that stuck out as being of him. I did see some that are different from mine but I generally see a beautiful, healthy, girl and I could see myself in her as well. Now, the baby girl that was a dog - she didn't have much traits from me and I knew that she wasn't her, but she was still my daughter - biological or adopted and I was just so happy to have her in my life. Blessing in disguise.
Ate at least 4 times today at work. First was popcorn chicken, cinnasnacks, then a cheeseburger. Had soup before I left too since Tim told me to come in an hour later. Spent a total of $10 with my discount, eating away. I think I may be starting my period soon, ah shit. Got a new regulation where you have to print out everything and write a reason for questionable transaction, even late tickets. It took me a good 40 minutes to do all of them and that's without getting paid! Wtf. Unfair to the maximum. Headed over to get some more gloves at Wal-Mart except they didn't have the ones I want - wth? They always do! Shopped for some knee high socks as well. Tried looking for thigh high ones except there weren't many which disappointed me. Btw, I didn't want these - I wanted these. I wanted the material to be thick as well - not thin and see through like tights. Meg went with me and she proclaimed that I have a shopping problem because I kept looking around and getting drawn into it. Had to cover my eyes and push me forward heh. I think one of the reasons for my impulsive buying is that I never got the things other kids did as a child, I was always self conscious of the position my family was in and there was a fear but also a desire. In a way, I think it came out at peak when after my last break up. Shopping and self evaluating myself, dressing up and being surrounded by pretty things. It gave me back my confidence and esteem to strive on, that I'm worthy. Plus, I've seriously gotten so girly compared to back then. I worry about smelling good, having moisturized skin and lips, about my hair's health, and body mass. It's so odd. I use to just throw on my favorite grey t-shirt, jeans, and get on the road. Heh, must be the estrogen. Anyways, bundle up today. Wore tights, leggings, and then my black pants. For the top I wore my red sweater, uniform shirt, and then a fuzzy uniform jacket. Wore fingerless gloves to be able to count my money(tried to buy more of those at Wal-Mart but couldn't find any), wore my white and black kitten beanie. I was pretty bundled up and layered but my fingers and toes were always cold. Maybe I could try layering on socks?
Getting home after a 10 hour shift.
