Post emotions.

I was a corpse. Without strength in my legs and a numbing feelings shooting from my elbow to my fingertips, I almost got hit by a car. I took the ACTs with only three hours of sleep, then went home to continue crying for another two hours. I cried so much that my mother thought I was going crazy or possessed. She began to beat me to stop me from crying but I only cried harder. Not from the pain of her hitting me, but from my foolishness. From the pain ripping my heart apart. Each night I cried myself to sleep, waking up with red puffy eyes and a pale face. Who was this person in front of me? If I died then, would he even care? If it had not been for my mother pulling me back out of nowhere, I would've been hit and died.

I have no appetite, surviving on liquids to sustain myself. I've dropped to 95 LB. Waiting by the phone every second of the day, for a text only to be disappointed with a cold blunt reply. Taking up whatever shifts I can without rest to occupy myself yet I still find my thoughts lingering back to him, where my heart has been thrown out and broken to pieces.

Why am I like this? Why am I hopelessly in love with a person that doesn't care nor love me anymore. Why am I hanging on? Why am I destroying myself when I know that won't bring him back?

Simple. Because I love him. I want to give it one more chance before letting go. I want to show him my sincerity, the love I've been hesitant to reveal all this time. If he still does not love me and does not want me then I will understand. I will let go and forget the memories I've cherished, the past I once loved. The person that was once my world will die in my heart and mind. I will not appear in front of him ever again. And I too will fade and die in his life. But I don't want to let go. I still love him. I still love you.