Disregarded for a whore.

You chose her over me. She means nothing right? Then why do you have to communicate with her? Oh yes, because of John. Why can't you directly communicate with him then? She shouldn't matter or have anything with him either so why are you inviting her to eat Ihop with you guys? Calling me immature for feeling the way I do? Yeah. When you disregarded my feelings about this you disregarded ME for a whore who you know I hate.

You call me immature for that whore.
You let me walk out into the rain at night for that whore.
You disregarded me for that whore.

You may not have realized it but you did. If I really mattered then you wouldn't have done it. You wouldn't have proceeded to communicate and allow her to eat with you guys. So yeah. You want to associate yourself with that bitch then be my guest.

And now you want to be angry, you want to yell at me? You have no right. Look at yourself in the mirror and reflect before opening your mouth. I don't have to put up with this.

Tears upon my heart.

I hate feeling like this. I really do. It's not like I do it on purpose but I hate when shit like this happens. It's a sense of betrayal and nobody understands. Me being the person I am, I don't confront, yell or scream. Instead, I stay quiet. Quiet until I can't stand it anymore that I run away to solitude.. then I cry. I cry and cry because I can't express the pain I feel. Because I'm seen as the bad person every time and never sympathized with. Eventually, they will get tired of this trait of mine and leave. I can feel it, and because its happened before.

Sometimes I want to move away and start life all over again. Date someone who knows no one else besides me, who came out of a rock. 

Spring shopping.

Just been doing a bit of heavy spring shopping instead of cleaning lol. Went back to purple hair for a bit. Doesn't show up as well anymore except on the blonde strands. Need to get back in cooking, losing my skills. Need to focus on math. Life is life so far.

Really loved this romper except there was only two flaws. First being it was a bit snug, wish there was a size bigger. Second, it felt a bit too revealing/seductive because my bra was showing lol. But super cute! Still would've gotten it if only there was a size bigger.

AirPort transportation

Woke up around 4am the other day to take em to the airport. They missed their flight so had to drive all the way back to MCI to pick em up. Ami drove the van while keo drove the suv on the way back. Had to wake up again yesterday to see them off. Andi ended up crying bc I kept telling her not to cry haha, I'm so mean. It is weird though. It's so quiet and lifeless. There's no nagging or whining. I don't have anyone to kiss, tease, but most importantly cuddle and touch their boobs haha. 

4 minutes to be ready to pick em up from airport. Not a lick of makeup or skin products. I still look good 👌