My Muddah Said.

Ever since I cut my hair, I look like a dike.

Looooove youh muddah!

Day's Report.

-Woke up tired as ever.
-Took Frankenstein's DYRIQ and clauses quiz.
-Finally finished the assigned pages in french revolution work book.
-Washing the dishes - again, tomorrow in culinary.
-Managed to complete my whimsical pot.
-Got my kanji review in Japanese for the competition, must study hard! Gotta get at least 2nd place this year. ò___ó
-Got an 87% on my bonds test.
-Had an ass throw a wad of paper at my back. Pissed the fk outta me.
-Saw Jason after school, for like 5 minutes but it was chill.
-Went out to eat. It wasn't very good although their alfredo was better than usual. It finally didn't taste like pennies.
-Struggled to finish my geometry homework.
-Studied a bit of Japanese and read a few pages in Frankenstein.

Yerp. I'm sucha cool high school.

HS Life.

Work doesn't come easy, less than $100 a month.
Friends are there to kill time.
Parents are aging, yet it's so hard to get close to them.
Classmates are flies that harbor around.
Books strains the eyes.
Facebook hypnotizes this mind.

Brisk air presses its lips against my cheeks.
Greeted with glazed eyes, and false friendliness, the seat gets occupied.
Lips cracked and tight, unsure of words yet certain of emotions.

Music drones out the rush of life.

In high school, there's the jocks, drama, bank geeks, orchestra freaks, emos, hipsters, weirdos, populars, and of course the loners. Each group consist of an individual that is considered to be different from the 'norm' but there are others like them so they are never lonely. Yet with myself, I am truly a loner. Nothing but a walking shadow. 5/6 of my so called friends won't even look at me in the eye or wave when they pass me in the hallways. What kind friend is that?
I'm the odd one that would rather work alone than be forced with someone that'll groan and moan about not being able to do a ''trio'. The girl that isn't crazy smart, pretty, nor cool. Like a shadow that disappears last when leaving class, yet first to appear when entering.

三十一日一月二〇二十。

クラス　に　ココ　先生　いました。
ごご　六時　に　ピザ　に　いきました。
たくさん　しゅくだい　を　して　べんきょうしています。たいへん　ですよ　：（
かみ　が　なくて　やせています。

Future.

I want a guy with ambition, an education, and responsibility.
A guy that will get things done, efficiently and quickly.
And is realistic.

One that can handle emotional, mental, and physical stress. I don't want someone that'll break in half after carrying a few heavy things. I don't want your words, show me your production.

I don't want;
A boy that'll walk out when things don't go according to his ways.
A chastiser. You have no right to raise your voice at me nor talk down to me.
Another person to care and look after. That's what babies are for.
A blabber that tells the whole world the issues going on between two people, even if it's to a family member or close friend. I mean one friend is OK but no more than that and never more than once.

I don't need you to survive. I've managed 15 years, I think I can handle more so you don't have to be stuck to my hip 24/7. Don't think my world revolves around you.

People can assume I'm a brainwasher. That I'm needy. Controlling. I could give a rat's ass because I'm not hoarding anyone, they just keep coming to me. If you fear me so much, keep im' away. Lock im' up for pete sake's!

Nobody fits the requirements? I'm chill with that. Less time and money spent on a wastrel.

Teamwork.

This was suppose to be a team effort yet I'm completing the majority of the work and it's not fair.
I literally DO NOT have much spare time since I have other assignments and work yet I'm able to squeeze in time to finish my other assignments and now I'm pulling your load too! This was suppose to be a partnership yet I'm decorating and typing the majority of the articles AND putting the whole thing together by myself at my house. I found four topics to write about and you had nothing so I decided split up half and half yet you end up only doing one and missed a required vocab word while I did two and had the vocab words we split up equally amongst us.

If this is the type of person you are with teamwork I don't want to be your partner anymore in the future. Your work's quality isn't something I want associating with my grade. Sorry, but the truth hurts. I want a good grade.

Suffocation.

I can't be at peace within' myself. 

Everywhere I turn, I just can't fit in.

At home, it's harsh words every other minute. 

At work, the fear of making mistakes won't fade. 

At school, I'm the loner that tends to the textbooks and assignments.

I'm trying my best to juggle honor classes, get the hang of work, a teenage relationship, and stay sane yet I'm still getting bagged. You say that I'm weak for being tired after 6 hours at work and how you had it harder. I've worked an 11 hour shift before,I know how tiring it is and you should too so stop bagging on me if you already know. You claim I use the excuse of homework too often and that I'm lazy. What if I need a break huh? I don't even go out anymore so take a chill pill. You preach about all these holy religious matters yet foul words flow out of your waterfall.

I'm spoiled. I'm a whore. I'm secretive, boring, prude, lazy, dirty. I should have been aborted. 

Every night I break and no one realizes. I am a mute to teachers, a stranger without a voice to classmates, a walking shadow to friends, a stupid dirty whore to my father, a naive brat to my mother, a fool to my family members. 

4AM Follower

I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my blog, much less create a blogspot and dedicate your first entry to me. It means a lot. I'm must admit I was a bit surprised that you use to think I was the type of minor to have sex, and to do it with anybody; considering I use to be on the heavy side and had been a timid person. I am curious as to what you meant by the last girl you thought was wonderful hadn't been and the story behind it. Perhaps you'll blog about it if we don't become close in daily life.

I'm flattered by your compliments and I too think you're a wonderful person.

今日は一月十七日。

たくさん　しゅくだい　を　　ありません　でも　たくさん　べんきょうします。べんきょう　が　すき　じゃない。あした、アルバイト　を　して　ごご　六時　から　ごご　九時　まで。アルバイト　で　きがはます(nervous/stress)。　　
きのう、あたらし　フォロア　が　ありました。私　は　とても　たのしげ　でした！あとで　らいしゅ　に　たくさん　日本語　を　かきます。じゃね！

Not your typical Dear John letter.

Note; this letter contains +PG13 materials. Even if you are above 13, please reconsider your maturity level because if you cannot restrain your urge to go off on this based on a bias perspective then leave.

You say you’re all these wonderful things yet you’ve never once proved it. You jump from chick to chick without wondering if the one you left is in pain or not. You’re a leech to both genders, even if you’re not romantically attached to them. With guys, it’s stealing and lying. You try to make yourself out to be the alpha male. To the ladies, you claim you’re their knight in shining armor yet in reality you’re more like the black plague to them. You ruin their lives by influencing them by sneaking out and getting them knocked up and persuading them to get rid of it. Do you know how hard it must be on that poor girl emotionally, mentally, and physically? You tell girls from right to left that you love them, that you’ll never leave their side. What a bunch of bullshit. I’m glad I was wise enough not to fall for your petty promises. Thankful that you were impatient enough to move on to another female after two weeks of “waiting” for me to return the mutual feelings and the words, “I love you” even though I told you I wasn’t interested.  Yet you kept pushing, saying you’re loyal and will wait forever. What a bunch of shit.

You fucked up my friend’s life. You were the one that pushed her to sneak out, lie, sabotage her relationship with her family to the point where she went into foster care, and pushed her to take the pill to get rid of the hardly developed baby. And NOW you’re fucking it up with her best friend, and got HER pregnant as well. Looks like you can’t keep your god damn little willy inside aye.

You make cheap lies, promises, and moves. What else can’t you do? Besides hold your word and grow some brains rather than acting upon human impulses. 

Photos for repair.

Haters.

Like, love, hate, whatever me. It's chill. 

People are always going to hate others for false reasons. People will spread rumors, have a blast. It's no biggie cause the truth is plain and simple. A majority will blindly go with the flow, few will open their eyes to the truth. 

If you want the truth, ask me. If you wanna hear a story, listen to him. I'm not saying I'm right, but every story has a different viewpoint. I know I'm gaining a lot of unpopularity among fellow people and strangers but I'm okay with that cause if they were truly genuine then they wouldn't have been so eager to believe. Others may steer clear of me, fearful that they'll get rejected too. Go ahead, but my story will be recited once and only once. When you see what I saw, it'll be too late. All you'll be is another resource.

And to you, dear old friend. You say I hate you for no reason. Have I not provide enough reasons before? You lie, cheat, steal, and ruin people's lives. You use others and their things without hesitation and when I brought it under the light. You constantly use Corey's car, more than he does. How come you don't ask to borrow another friend's car? Cause I'm pretty sure they'd say no.You practically at his house and raid his fridge like it's nothing. You declare that I'm just jealous, I spread lies, I brainwash others. Why should I? We were once friends, and you earnestly tried to date me but I had been too "prude" for your taste so you went for Brianna. You jump from girl to girl, not caring whether or not the previous girl's heart is mending. Serenity's life had been pretty well before you came into it considering I knew her for two years prior. You tell countless, meaningless lies to make yourself superior yet you can never lend a hand, others are generally paying for you or you're borrowing from them. There's no point in saying you make $800 a week, have a joint bank account of $100,000 or that your uncle owns a private jet because if those things were true, wouldn't you feel a bit embarrass that you tend to feed off of other people's often? I'm not trying to convert anyone nor make anyone out to be the bad guy. I not clever nor rich enough to 'brainwash' others. I get that everybody has their own problems, issues, disorders but they've got to learn how to cope with it themselves and change on their own will.

一しゅうまつ！

今日　は　土曜日、八日（ようか）です。コリーさん　と　いもうと　と　おとうと　あるきました。ARBYS　と CULVERS　に　行きました。天気　は　よく　ありませんでした　でも　とても　たのしかった。くるま　が　ありません　は　つまらない！：（

New Years Resolution!

• Finish sophomore year with a GPA of +3.8 or/and have As in all of my classes with the exception of math.

Study more often, stay back after school for additional help especially with anything I don't understand, stay after school to finish projects if required. Review notes during seminar. Don't rush through questions but know how to manage time effectively.  Limit idle time on Facebook to: 1 hour a day.

• Work out to get to my ideal weight of 100 LB.

Change eating habits. I will restrict myself from eating if I plan on heading to sleep within 4 hours. Only 2/3 of a bowl of rice a night. Walk for at least 10 minutes each day. Practice dancing for 10 minutes a week. 

• Further my Japanese skills.

Blog in Japanese every week, vlog every 2 weeks. Review my textbook on weekends for 10 minutes. Study for 20 minutes the week of an upcoming test or quiz.

• Get my license.

Offer to drive when running errands. 

• Become more outgoing.

Cook dinner once a week. Help parents out with making complaints via phone. Sleep earlier: latest on a weekday: 11pm; weekend: 12:30am. Dress more proficient, wear make-up on Mondays, Wednesday, and Fridays. Volunteer to answer more.

• Be a good employee.

Greet co-workers, manager, and customers with a smile. Arrive 5 minutes early each time, place phone on silent. Empty the trash when full. Be quick but precise with counting change. Dress cleanly, no nail polish, tie up hair + clip.

• Take 200x photos with huheeemuh.

Drag his ass over with a camera. 

I'm scared.

I've always feared death. From when I saw the twin towers fell on the television as a child, to sixth grade when I was emotionally distressed, to now: 8 days after the car accident. Late at night, or when things aren't hectic the thought slowly slinks into my mind. Sending chills downs my spine, my heart rate increases, and tears began to form. I thought maybe when school gets back in session, I'll be busy enough to forget it again but it doesn't seem to be enough. I don't want to run away anymore, I want to deal with it and not waste more of my life fearing it.

Maybe there is a god, but either way. When you die or pass away, your body rots underneath the ground and you're not even sure if you'll ever be able to process thoughts or emotions. Sure, people around you may remember you from time to time but soon even they will pass away and you'll be forgotten underneath the pile of dirt and maggot.

Maybe there is such thing as reincarnation but you won't remember your past dear ones, the precious memories, the magnificent things you've learned. Everything will just be a blank.

Some say to think of death as a beginning rather than an end but still. It's still an end to something. And I'm terrified. I know I still have many years left but still. I know what's at the end of the tunnel and I'm suppose to accept it but I'm petrified.

What to bring.

Luggage
Suitcase(x2)
Backpack(x2)


Clothes
Corey:
Boxers(x8)
Shirts(x8)
Shorts(x4)
Long pants(x4)
Jackets(x2)
Towel
Socks(x4)
Shoes(x2)
Sandals
Hat
Alena:
Tops(x5)
Shirts(x2)
Socks
Shorts(x5)
Jean
Bra(x7)
Underwear(x12)
Dresses(x3)
Sandals(x3)
Shoes
Jacket
Pads(x4)
Towel

Technology
Laptops(x2)
Earphones(x3)
Ipods(x2)
Camera
LT+CAM+IPOD+Fone Chargers(x8)
VN+US Phones(x3)

Money
2.5K
VND

Items
Lip Balm
Lotion
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Razor(x2)
Deodorant(x4)

VN Trip Plan

Accessories 
-Eyelash(x6)
-Eyelash glue tubes(x4)
-Liquid eyeliner(x3)
-Phone charms(x20)
-Scrunchies(x11)
-Necklaces(x11)
-Rings(x11)
-Earrings(x4)
-Hair clips(x11)
-Key Chains(x11)
-Key chain dolls(x4)


Clothes
-Lid Hats(x3)
-Jumpsuits(x2)
-Skinny Jeans(x3)
-Sandals(x2)
-Hoodies(x5)
-Vest
-Sneakers(x2)
-Boxers(x6)
-Bracelets(x11)
-Shorts(x6)
-Cardigans(x3)
-PJs(x2)
-Tops(x4)
-Dresses(x4)


Items
-Paper fans(x3)
-Non La(x2)
-Gatsby Gel
-Folktale booklets(x5)
-Diaries(x8)
-Notebooks(x11)
-Dusk Masks(x4)
-Mini bags(x11)
-Plushie bags(x8)
-Tofu-mobi plushie(x5)
-Pencil bags(x4)
-Plushies(x6)


Food
-Coconut peanuts(x11)
-Chewy candy(x12)
-Xylitol Gum: Melon(x2), Green Tea(x3), Blueberry (x3), Strawberry(x3), Lime mint(x4), Peach(x3)

Trips
-Enchanter for "red string"
-Fortune telling
-Walk to Bacardi
-Go to amusement park
-Duck paddling 
-Swimming at beach
-Go bike riding


Goals
-Corey eat che nep cham, banh mi Ha Long, banh mi cay, che thai, kem, fried ice cream, nuoc mo(apricot), flan, sua chua, shaped form bread, cakes, boboa tea, mangsteen, longan, & dragon fruit.
-Record a video for every event; landing; lay-over; take-off; meal time on air.
-Get Corey to brush his teeth on the airplane and in the airports and take dumps.
-Take photos every day/week.
-Raise $3K
-Introduce family.
-Enjoy the trip together.