Slow Day.

Set my alarm to 9:00AM, ended up laying in bed until 9:30AM because I was just pooped outta my mind. Made it into work and just messed around with my poor Spanish pronunciation. It was slow all day but tips were better than yesterday. Got myself another sausage toaster again, wasn't as delish as yesterday's but still pretty good. I swear, I dunno what was in the one from yesterday. That was the bomb diggity! Didn't really go anywhere after work today like how I usually do. Went straight home, showered, watched some Braceface episodes with my little sister then ate. Started craving those brownie bites with the vanilla ice cream soooo mad, only place I knew where they had it was at AMC30 and Applebees but Applebees' is better and less expensive. Hitted up Jae to bring me some food even though I already ate because I dunno, just felt like snacking some more. He brought me over some nuggets and ice cream and left. Not sure if he had to leave because he had to or because my mom scared him, probably both teehee.

Running around.

Woke up at 8:30AM today only to have Tim call me at 9:14AM telling me to come in at 10:00AM instead. Wth, I'm call dressed up and ready to head out the door and he tells me that. Smh. Decided to eat breakfast for once but ended up getting a sausage toaster and fries when I came to work as well hehe. Guzzled down 40oz of diet green tea. Scary huh? The guys came up today to camp out. Went to the movies with Michelle and Megan after work but Michelle at wok at 7:30PM. Tim wanted me to stay back until 7:00PM and I'm like uh, no. Haha. Missed the beginning since Megan didn't have her ID on her and we waited for her mom to bring it since we didn't want to watch it without her. Went to buy a brownie molten cake and damn it was hella expensive for a tiny piece but it was delish! While the girl, Kim was trying to find where the stock was this guy outta nowhere came up and started chatting me up while Michelle and Megan were across the room sitting on the bench and staring haha! Started asking where I worked and stuff. After his manager interuppted him and made him go sweep or something Michelle came up and started teasing me about flirting and I'm like wha? He's the one who came up and chatted with me! Haha, Megan stole a picture of us talking too teehee. I swear, I get hit on by the AMC employees all the time. I can't help it, I'm simply irresistible even in my uniform! The Heat was absolutely hilarious and pretty sentimental at the end. Went over to Sylas and Maddy's for ice cream for a bit before heading home. Got home and took a quick shower and Ami took me out to Culvers again. Damn, I try to lose weight yet errbodaye be tryna fatten me up. No wonder it's so difficult to get muh abs hehe. Looked back at old memories and started crying. Not sure why. I don't want him back, but I miss the old times and the memories.

Deleting Cyberbully Essay

Individuals develop their social skills and achieve a sense of being connected by interacting with others face to face. With today’s technology many individuals, especially adolescents and adults in their early twenties tend to substitute face to face contact with devices or networks. At an awkward stage in life, teenagers turn to cellular devices and social networking sites to either connect or isolate others. Behind keyboards and touchscreens, people are at ease to let their guard down and share their thoughts and opinions, some being not so pleasant. It is vital to work towards deleting cyber bullying because it damages the victim, promotes prejudice on certain topics such as race, social status, and sexuality.

Cyber bullying tarnishes the individual’s reputation, self-esteem, and sense of security. The individual who is being targeted will slowly start to believe the bully’s words. What soon starts out as a small irritation issue becomes a stress factor as more people join in.  Rumors start to spread and others jump on the bandwagon, in hopes of fitting in and appearing cool or staying quiet in order to avoid the spotlight. Not only does the victim’s physical health deteriorate but so does his or her mentality health. The victim starts to think suicidal thoughts and begins to isolate themselves from others in fear of being verbally abused. When friends and family try to discourage such thoughts, the victim does not believe them in fear that it is their duty to be considerate and protect the victim’s feelings. Everywhere the victim goes and every person he or she comes in contact with is constantly doubted and is suspected of judging the victim.

Cyber bullying promotes prejudice. For instance, many Christians have the reputation of being extremely stringent and narrow minded when it comes to homosexuality. They’re seen as people who lash out and condemn homosexuals and gay marriage but not all Christians are like that. Some support gay marriage because they believe that God made certain people that way and it’s okay because they’re God’s children, God’s creature, and God has a purpose behind every decision. Cyber bullying creates prejudice through rumors and assumptions characterized by groups of people or traits. By eliminating cyber bullying, it puts a halt to cyber prejudice.

It is vital to delete cyber bullying to protect the citizens of the internet and put a stop to digital prejudice. By allowing it to continue, more and more people are harmed and a disturbance is created in the online community and offline community. 

Stressful Day.

Slept through my alarm clock and woke up at 10:40AM yet I'm scheduled for 11:00AM. Like the beast I am, I made it to work at 10:58AM when I live 15 minutes away. Can I get a booyah? I think so! Work was considered slow through out the whole day and I feel like someone either took my order or a couple of customers didn't pay because I know I made at least $15 in tips yet I ended up with less towards the end of the shift. Sigh. While Kels and I were resting, the tray fell off outta nowhere and the drinks fell and a huge mess was made. Not sure why people said it was my mess when all I was doing was sitting on my ass but it's whatever. I was like ugh, time to clean up but Mike came and cleaned it up. I was oh! Thank you! I'm not sure if the others were trying to hint something but Lakin was complaining how when she makes a mess, she has to clean it up and no one else does it. Eruh, because not a lot of people like you? Plus Mike and I are just friendly, nothing else..or so I think? He's nice to everyone. Bought food over to Jae and Justin. Chilled for an hour or so and left. Been procrastinating ever since because so many people are IMing me on facebook and skype. Oh goodness, hehe.

Hermit.

I swear I'm secretly a hermit. Got invited to go on a causal as friends only date with Austin but I declined because it was way early and I would probably be doing errands around that time. Lindsay invited me to go to Jamie's surprise party this weekend and I declined as well since I work that day and Jordan still wants to hang out sometime. It's difficult declining offers to go out but I'm crossing my fingers that it'll pay off later! So, I fixed my tax revenue issue and my payment stubs in less than 3 hours! So proud of myself because it's always oh, please call back later or they make you run around in circles gah. So, I looked at my last paycheck and I'm like oh holy shit. I worked over 85 hours in two weeks, damn. I didn't think I spent that much time at work! I don't mind overtime because it gives me independence from being at home and relying on others to spend time together and what not. I never feel alone like I did last year, actually I feel a bit bugged at times because I'll be trying to improve myself with either reading, studying, or writing and people will be hitting me up. It's a major difference compared to last year heh. It's not a bad thing, being independent.

Justin, Jae, and Kevin came up to work twice and I just kinda hid myself. Michelle said that a bunch of kids crashed my car and oh my goodness, I freaked out. I was ready to bitch out someone and beat em up because my mother and I aren't on good terms and having that happen would just be worse. Work was slowish. Half price shake was one of the slower busy. I had to cancel two orders and the customers complained about the shakes being too runny and how long they had to wait and I'm just like either shut the fuck up and sit down or leave! The ice cream machine was getting overheated and then I tried to help in the kitchen but Martin with his screaming and everyone else yelling just made things worse and I was so close to tears and walking out but I reminded myself of the money and just held my tongue and tears.

 Clipped up my wet har, getting ready for beddy bye.

The one.

Who promised me happiness, who begged for a chance, who broke me; how ya doin' huh? I hate how you ruined things for Jason and me. We had something going on but you didn't care. You selfishly pushed yourself in. I friendzoned you, you were suppose to stay there. I wanted to be nothing more than friends but you just kept persisting. Pleading for a chance, promising that one day I will fall in love with you. How long were you scheming? All those times that you cried, apologized, were they all for that one day so you could get revenge? To stab me, to break me, to abandon me? I hate how you put the illusion of yourself as a knight in shining armor in my eyes. I want to blind myself each time I think back of how stupid I was. All those stupid promises that slipped from your lips were poisoned arrows to my heart. Stated that you weren't like the rest, that you would protect me, love me, cherish us. What happened to that? Is it all invalid because you were stupidly in love? You're another reason for me to not trust a boy's words. I told you of my past's broken promises and how I hate it and you promise you wouldn't do what the other guys did but look at yourself, reevaluate. I love how you were so quick to fall back into the market and hitch it up with her. As for myself, I don't want to deal with the false pretense of boys anymore. I find it difficult to open up and fall blindly in love without noticing similar situations where I have made mistakes in the past. I'm sick and tired of experiencing betrayal, infatuation, trial and error. I wonder what kind of dad you will be in the future, what kind of husband you will be. I hardly recognize any aspect of you but I do know that you will always be that proud coward who will never admit his faults nor seek penitence. Does your dreams ever consist of a child crying, an angelic face slumbering in your arms? I bet it never does because you're too occupied with the life of a teenage boy. You're another thing added to my list of why I don't want to bother with dating for a while or maybe I just have too much hate built up that I can't bring myself to love someone again yet. You won't find me whoring myself out to guys to seek attention or affection, I can't guarantee the same for you.

Scholarship Essays.

Woke up at 8AM, got a call around 9AM from Megan telling me to come in an hour early and I'm just like ugh. The whole day was pretty slow but it was steady with just three carhops. We all cracked jokes and such the whole day. I didn't order much at work since I had bought Chipotle from last night, lost my appetite and just kinda sulked and cried. It started raining but not as hard as the other time, I still had to go out and bring them food and the customers were just bitches. Didn't tip and they just dragged on and secretly laughed at me getting wet. Work still smells a like piss but it's not as strong as Sunday, thank goodness! Tim was in a jokster mood today. Made some nachos at work today from Nate and the deep fried tortillas taste really yummy even by themselves! Had to stop by for some gas, changed in the car with Megan and saw Jae and Justin walking down the aisle and I just had to laugh at them because they didn't notice ahaha! Saw Man Of Steel, and missed the first few minutes of the movie because Megan and I went to grab some drinks and had to go take a piss hehe. Came home, showered, and just completing a couple of essays dued on the 28th. I missed a shit load of opportunities because there were like ten of them due on the 3rd and I missed the deadline. Gah! They were some pretty huge scholarships too, around $1K! Well, gonna get started on em and probably head downstairs for a snack later on. Mata ne!

Because you do no wrong.

I do no right. I can never be the perfect angel you want but then again you never wanted me. I was an issue, an abortion that should have taken place. Never once have you praised my efforts. An award from Topeka, stating that I had wonderful artistic skills, requesting to put my painting on display but you had thrown it away; and that was from kindergarten. You never attended my performances nor award showings yet you make it your priority with the younger ones. Never once have you held me as I cry, never once. The only person I've ever had comfort me, hold me, reassure me with hugs and kisses as I bawl backstabbed and abandoned me. I cringe at the words "Just give me a chance" because with each chance I give they prove my doubts and my faith slips deeper into the abyss.

I don't want to shed tears of hurt over your acidic words or hear lies from the lips that speak such sweet melodies.

COB Essay

My Courage To Believe, Flourish, and Bloom.

Plato once quoted, “the learning and knowledge that we have, is, at the most, but little compared with that of which we are ignorant.” One’s ability to hold knowledge is limited yet the capability to learn and obtain is vast.  I desire this scholarship because I want to have an opportunity to influence the world and be more than a walking shell.

As a child, I did not have any dreams nor did I know where I was headed in life. From my earliest days, I knew only of poverty, surviving, and harshness of reality. I was physically and verbally bullied because I was from a poor family, an immigrant who couldn’t speak proper English, who wore odd clothes and always lacked materials. At school assemblies and awards, my parents would always be absent because they couldn’t afford to take a day off. My efforts, my achievements would go unnoticed by them yet they would continue to compare and criticize me. I was a lifeless shell, living day by day until I reached middle school. I discovered the power of knowledge and the kindness humanity still possessed in a rare amount of individuals. I submerged myself in books from then on and my perspective of life changed. I didn’t want to live just to benefit myself. The information I crave for is to benefit the community’s health and environment, I want to prove myself to those who lacked faith and those who believed.

Urination.

Forgot to tell a funny story from yesterday. So when I touched Michelle's butt and I guess I wasn't thinking right because right after that I answered headset with "Thanks for . . . may I touch your butt" instead of may I take your order and they didn't notice aha! I said in the headset a couple of times on accident "Just taste it" lmfao. Damn, my legs are getting all muscular from work. They look like a soccer player's now. Sad face. I want my sexy SNSD legs back! Although I agree I do need to work more on my arms. Came into work today and someone had piss right in the store at the front, so the odor was so strong and rancor and I was like blah, oh my god I'm going to die. Nobody knows who it was either gah. Jae came over and put lotion on my feet which was sweet except for the part where he wouldn't kiss em. _( - A - )_

Money and Education.

Finished my short summer assignment for AP Bio. Annotating the passage made me realize how much I miss and love learning about science! I want a job that has a useful function and could benefit me later on not just beauty tips or service because beauty will eventually fade and it's not a necessity but people will always get sick and need help, plus it kinda makes me feel happy that I'll be able to help anyone later on with an illness or use it for myself. I mean I guess making other people feel pretty is alright but I've never been interested in the field of being all prepped up and looking good, it just kinda comes to me naturally hehe just kidding. I dunno, I don't have the motivation to put all the crap on my face and damage my hair only to damage it some more when I have to remove it, it's a lose lose in my perspective. I guess I should study esthetician but it's just not my passion but the two years studying it wouldn't be too long and Ami would help fund it plus I would have a job to pay for my main career. Sigh, I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up for studying abroad in Japan for a year or spending any in China. Gotta push aside my dreams because of slack of resources and time. I'll still try to go to Japan again this summer though. It's my one last chance! 

My second customer was a pair of two middle aged women and at first they handed me a card and I didn't pay attention to what it was and as I was handing back them their change they were like oh keep it, God loves you and I was like wait, what? Are you sure? And they were like yeah, and I was in disbelief, I was so thankful. Gah, how nice of em! I've heard of these customers but I never though I'd get one. How thoughtful.  It brought a smile to my face and started my day with a jumpy, bubbly tune? In the beginning of happy hour though our system crashed so many times and the screens in the kitchen doesn't work so the cooks had to come to the front to see what needed to be cooked. I had to keep telling people that our system had crashed so we couldn't take their order, please call back in a few minutes and come just got so bitchy. Why? I mean, things like this happen and you can't do shit. Either suck it up or leave, goodness. The system crashing was really what fucked us in the butt because it got so busy in the middle and we had to catch up and the kitchen screens didn't help either. I hardly carhopped, I was like ah fuck it, I'll just stand inside and take all the orders until it stops beeping then carhop whatever orders are blinking hehe. I swear, 1/2 Price all day and the rushes are helping me lose weight easily because I don't eat in the morning and I try not to eat too much at work and just drink a lot of tea to cleanse myself but I run and work myself so hard that I feel like I'm losing weight..except for the part where I bring home slushies and ice cream and indulge a bit teehee. ^^

Keeping my GLY card even though I'm not baptist. :)

Btw, about the photo thing. Are you walking down memory lane or are you trying to get my attention? I don't see a reason for either because you said you don't want to remember anything that deals with me and you try to avoid me so I don't understand why you'd be "secretly" seeking my attention.

Stronger than yesterday.

Dreamt that I was still making ice cream last night, gah. I was in the process of a strawberry cheesecake when my phone alarm went off, tell me to get my ass outta bed and back to wok haha. My mind basically never left work! Work was alright until I got a headset that didn't have the softie thing. Wtf, how the hell do you lose two of em in one night? How the hell do you even lose them in the first place?!? Ah gawd, my head and ear ached the whole shift. The jacked up headset and the new brackets in the back didn't exactly help me either. My whole body is sore and aches all over from last night and my right arm got a whole lot buffer, teehee. I like to laugh at my perverted jokes. I still don't see how I would be the most active out of my social group if I was a dude? Starting to find all these weird bruises all over my body. Gah! Oh yeah, I got a notification that he made one of the photos taken in 2011 of August at the Vu Lan festival his profile picture from my album? But it doesn't look like he did? I mean it's a photo of him and a mutual friend of ours but why was he looking through old photos anyways? And even making it his default then deleting it? Makes no sense ma. Gotta groom my nails, laundry, and get some reading in before I head to bed.

I still don't understand why you get so upset often? It seems like every little thing I say or do sets off a bomb. I'm sensitive, I get my feelings hurt too but hey I either come out and tell you straight up or I push it off because I wanna get along and talk with you. It gets tiring and I don't want to always have to baby you and tip toe. Straight up tell me what's up or I'm not gonna know shit. I'm gonna find other people attractive but did I act upon it? No. Do I purposely call you a fuck face or try to hurt your feelings? No. When I am angry I will directly tell you and why whether it be face to face, through text, or a phone call. I do not call you mean things nor verbally abuse you. I'm tell you to be straight up and chillax. I don't want to date anyone seriously at the moment, hell I cringe at the thought of being in a relationship. Being required to talk to someone every day or be physical or what not because I'm their significant other. I gotta put out when they're in the mood, listen to them bitch and be concerned. Ah fuck that shit. I'm done with that. I ain't no mutha fucken hoe that's gonna get her ass in the kitchen and cook for some sick asshole again. If it's something I've learned, it's that I will never settle for less and keep getting hurt for fear of being alone again. You want me to be your wife and do shit for you? Step up and act like a husband, protect and be understanding of me if not hell I'll stay alone then. I'm intelligent, I work hard for my money, and I am sexy. I go out with whoever I want for as much or long as I want, I flirt with who I want, I fuck whoever the hell I want although there isn't much on my desired list ahaha. I am strong and independent. 

 My arm doesn't even look like it belongs to me. :x

If you wanna walk out, I will gladly turn the other way before you get a chance to.

Diabetes Day.

Went to see the Purge with Megan and Michelle today. Spilled sprite on myself in the theature and I had work right after it so I had to bare with the stickiness which wasn't all that bothering since today was half price shakes and it's been hell since 8AM. Who the hell gets ice cream so early in the morning?! It lasted all day and we got off around 12:20AM. It was nonstop scan as you go and mix mix mix ice cream. I swear I'll probably get arthritis from tonight. Some of the customers were assholes. Why the hell did you come when you know it's gonna be busy and bitch? Don't get your fucken panties in a twist! One of the carhops almost got run over and I'm just like girl, you should've pretended to have gotten hit and just lay there on the ground and cry in pain that you've been hit. Sue their ass for all they've got! Some were even rude enough to throw shit, damn. What kind of uncivilized freaks are these people? When it was time to go Michelle was too scared to walk out by herself because of the purge movie so she waited for me hehe. How cute! 

Night Shift Wednesday

Got woken up around 9AM by mother to get the kids up for their morning routine. Picked up Jenn for errands. Went to my orthodontist appointment and they stuck extra brackets on the molars since they were twisting or something? Gah, it feels so odd rubbing against my gums, especially my jaw bone. Work was so-so. A new guy started work today and oh my goodness, he was a uber cutie! I was gonna call dibs on him until I found out who his girlfriend was. My boner died just like that, damn. Went to hen house to get bananas before happy hour started. Lalala~ Saw Katherine and Jackie, and Jonah towards the end of the night! Sweeet, but I couldn't stay and chat.

Day off Monday.

Got woken up around 11AM. Ugh, went with the adults and kids to Restaurant Depot in MO for groceries. Duggers, Ami, Uncle, and I were all pretty hungry so we went over to Phillips 66 for a light snack. Spent like freakin' 2 hours in there then we went to Uncle's physical which we ended up being half an hour late for, smh. Raided their vending machine for sweets and chips with Jenn. Went to Wei's afterwards, then Jacobe's house to get cards, and then everybody dispersed. Jacobe went to the movies with his family and we took Jenn home. 

The photo I took at the gas station with my new phone. Keke, the pickle is bigger than a can of axe! 

Presence.

Got to sleep in until 10AM this morning, yipee! My clothes were still wet from yesterday's episode but it was whatever. Happy hour was slow the whole time except for the last 10 minutes, askjl! Came home and pretty much chilled. A lot of thoughts have been running through my mind and it's taking some time to piece them together. 

I'm not sure why you blasted me out of nowhere? I don't criticize nor talk down on you so why are you talking about me always saying that's you're a let down? I do text back, it may not be right away because phones rules are stricter but I still text back when I get the chance. 

Daddie's Day.

Woke up around 8:45ish, kept slamming the snooze button until 9:05. Slugged around a bit and gossiped with Ami while getting ready for work. Couldn't make it in time to drop by the post office to pick up my package so I had to save that for when I went on break. Work was slow steady. The first beginning half of happy hour was just a rush nonstop. We were getting our ass kicked and Tim was getting pretty frustrated and upset about a 10 minute order for drinks but hey everybody was trying their best and trying to not get scolded. The second half, the sky was just black as midnight and soon the wind started blowing pretty hard. I was like ah sheet, so I had to run out and pull up my windows before it started raining. People still came in and ordered but it was slower. It started pouring and the wind\ was blowing so hard that the flag poles started bending and the flags blew away. The carhops still had to go out and take orders obviously. Oh my goodness, for the first order that it started pouring. The straws got blew away and I had to hug the drinks so they don't get blown off the tray. I had to stand out there and run the old couple's credit card on the machine. It was literal hell. I came back in with dripping hair, and my clothes were soaked to the point that even my undergarments were wet too. Started sneezing and stuff, and Michelle and Kels were like oh goodness, I feel like you're gonna call in sick tomorrow. Michelle ran out to her car and got coats and jackets for everyone because well, we were freezing and wet hehe. I tried to dry off with the fan but ended up getting cold. Had to stay there for a couple of hours in the soppy, dripping attire until my shift ended, aiyah.

Well anyways, I had a feeling there was a little spark or whatever with Alex but I didn't push it since I figured hey I'm probably just overreacting and being overconfidence plus we homies. I feel as though he's not really into me again because he had just ended things with Nadia and we don't really talk that much nor do anything for him to like me again outta nowhere. I just try to be there for him and vice versa.

Things with Jae are going down hill. We hardly talk and just kinda drift apart now. He says he's stuck but I don't understand what there's to be stuck about. We don't say anything to each other in the morning and at night we don't do anything either. Just stare at each other while doing our own little thing whether it be writing in my diary or just watching a movie. I guess you could say things are simmering and growing a bit cold like soup ahaha. It's whatever. I really hope he goes to FU though because I don't want the pressure of having to end up together so that his parents and himself view time spent at KU or KSU as a waste of time just for a particular person. I don't want that responsibility nor do I want to be used as a scapegoat. I say follow your heart, your dreams, and not put them aside in fear of losing someone because if things were meant to be then they're meant to be.

Hey, it's daddie's day today. Did you realize that? Are you having any thoughts? Or is it just like any other day to you just like it was for mother's day? Do you think of the moments you're missing out on or does the relief of not having others' know and not having the responsibility of having a little boy or girl call you daddy outweigh the moments of a child holding your hand, and giving you kisses? It's whatever, you're still just a kid.

I'm not interested in any guys at the moment. I just wanna take one day at a time and boys aren't a priority. I just wanna love myself, have fun, and create good memories as an adolescence. Too much unnecessary complications and pain is brought upon people by the term of "love" so why bother when an education and a job is still in the process of being achieved? I'll be a shoulder for others to lean on if needed but I don't want it to be a requirement because they hold a special title or position in my life. It turns into a drag and significant others are hella expensive ahaha. Booty calls are easier to deal with because well, you pay the price and it's good bye the next morning JK JK. I ain't like that.

Friday.

Woke up around 8, ugh. It was torture getting out of bed. I was exhausted from yesterday and not to mention having to wake up early when I went to bed late. Found out that Kay quit last night, which made me pretty sad since she was one of the people that I really warmed up to and it was always fun gossiping about boys with her. Work was steady but I felt like it went by so slow. Was put on ice cream today, wonder why? Came home and chilled for an hour or so. Alex invited me to the movies and my dad had taken my car to take the kids to the swimming pool so he came and picked me up. The movie started way later so we walked around Pet Smart and Target for a good hour or so. Went to Taco Bell to visit John and apparently he didn't work there anymore. Awk! Ah well, we got some snacks and just sat down and chatted about life. Went back to the cinema and just watched previews. The End Is Here is a pretty good comedy. There were some slow parts but then there were some really funny ones as well! Overall, it was a pretty nice day. The evening has got to be the highlight of my day though. It was nice to chill with him again.

Ambition.

I don't want to let others rule over me. I don't want their opinion to have a negative effect on me. I will prove them wrong, that I will become something. I will have success and happiness. I don't have to follow someone's advice in fear of failure by following my own. I change and shape myself according to the pressure of my environment. Dating and boys are the least of my worries. They come and go without a second glance from me and judging how much friends want to stay in my life, they waiver and flex as well. I flirt, I joke, I mess around. I mean nothing serious with my actions because I do not want to be tied down and have expectations from a guy. I will play around with a guy for a while and have interest but after some time the situation occurs where I lose interest in communication and move on to my next victim. You could say I'm a flirt but you can't say I'm loose. I just don't want to have any attachment to a particular person. It weakens and makes me depend on another person. The last time that happened, I lost not only myself but my sanity and hope.
I am always apologetic in my actions but once someone crosses the line then I will retaliate and return the favor times three. If someone treats me right then they'll stay in my heart but if they wronged me then they're imprint in my mind.

WOF

Just a few from yesterday.

Worlds Of Fun.

Woke up early at 8:00AM to get ready for the electrician to come and fix the AC. We were suppose to leave originally around 11:30 but it went all the way until 12:00PM and it still wasn't finish by then and I was getting irritated and tired of hearing lectures of sacrificing for family because I had planned this a week ago and I hardly even go out. Wore a biki underneath my loose clothes, brought another change of clothes that I ended up never even wearing, GPS, and my camera. Took a few photos but left my camera outside because I didn't want it to get lost or stolen.  It was really hot and sunny in the beginning even with sun screen on. Went on the spinning dragon as a warm up ride then we went on the patriot. Got really hot so we decided to go on the Monsoon and I was like fuck it, I'mma strip and it was no problem but once we headed to Fury of the Nile I had to put my clothes back on because of a stupid policy, meh it's okay. I know the guys liked it ahaha. Went on a bunch of other rides, I started to get a headache and figured it was from dehydration and heavy rollercoasters so I bought one of their souvenir bottles. Went on the zulu ride, and I got a headache again just like last year heh. Amusement parks really are nice for couples or a group of friends. I just wished I had spent the time last year more wisely and had more fun. He was a really good guy then and I should've taken note. Won myself a red panda hehe, it goes well with the black one I had gotten. They had a blue one but it wasn't as cute. Saw Atsuko Miki with Tiffany on the Monsoon ride and I was like gah! Chatted it up with Colton and Ian on the second Fury of the Nile ride, but damn they were too young and I was like nah. We were so hungry afterwards but it was $12 for a burger and we were like oh hell nah so we left around 7:30 and went to Applebees. I saw Angel working and I was like gah, hi! We all had a pretty good time riding rides, sweating our ass off and working our thighs by having to climb up hills, and being with each other. I took a few photos and videos with my camera and phone but it's getting late and I'm about to pass out, plus I have work bright and early in the morning around 9:00. I will upload them tomorrow after work but for now toodles!

I am so black next to Meggs lol.

My day.

Woke up around 9:00ish but fell back asleep until 10:00. Went to work as always but my goodness it was burning! New rules are being enforced, bleh. How awesome. Some coworkers were major bitches, especially since they don't know their fucken position. Went to IHOP with Megan and gossiped hehe. Looked at an old note he had written while we were on LDR and I gotta say, that was when our relationship was strongest. I kind of miss that connection, sigh.

Not sure what your problem is? Getting all feisty and ignoring me. You want space, you wanna be alone? Fine. Just don't complain later on. I try to give you your space by not seeing you for weeks and talking to you in proportions but I guess that's not enough? I try to be understanding, I try to balance time and attention but I guess it's never enough. I, as a person, require a lot of attention and affection or else I get sad and lonely. It's either extreme attention or none at all and I try, I honestly do try. I invested more into you and tried harder than I did with my last. I don't know why I do but you have to put in effort as well. 

Sigh, I don't know why I bother with love and boys. Whenever I accept myself and being alone, someone just has to whisk in and screw me up. When I'm on my own, I am independent and care free but when a boy tries to catch and make me theirs I get clingy, droopy, and glum. I'm like a creature. I get depressed and ugly in captivity but wild and free, I am beyond beautiful and captivating. A bit over the top but I think it explains well. Like a wild pokemon, it's always stronger, smarter, and desired when free.

One of the gifts I bought for him while in Japan. A golden poop in a glass bottle with a golden collar and a golden bell, too bad I dropped it by accident after taking the photo and now I have broken glass in my room. ( - w - )

This guy's reasons sounds a lot like what his reasons would've sound like if he could compose it right. It applies both ways though, not just for one gender.

Fire and Gasoline.

Not sure why Ami brought you up outta nowhere? Apparently the song reminded her of our relationship which kinda was..odd and funny? I guess we really were bad for each other but we still wanted to be together. One thing that kind of irritated me was how you kept making excuses to meet Uncle Pedro. Yes, I know we're through but he still wanted to meet you because well, we had been together for a long time and he heard a lot about you so he was curious to finally meet you as a person, not just as a person who his niece dated. You bailed twice when you said that you'll come and I tried not to push it too much. If you didn't want to, you could have just been straight forward and say no, you don't want to meet anybody.

Went out with Ami, Uncle Khoi, and Jenn to Vietnam Cafe and had Sweet Potatoes with Shrimp along with Spring rolls. Yum! Had Anh Chuot come out and it was so awkward ahaha. Before that we had went to the bank and we saw Vinny boy. What a surprise! Everybody started cracking jokes and giving me nudges. Played with Nugget for a while at Jenn's house then went home and grocery shopped for a bit. Made some che and passed for two hours on the couch. Overall today has been a lazy, hot day but a nice one.

This is how I ask for a kiss.

Coworker Bond.

Woke up around 1:30PM. Ahhh, the latest I've ever been able to sleep in since summer started. Went out for lunch with Cindy at Ihop and got lost when heading home. Was almost late for work, eeep! It was really nice to see her again though, hopefully I'll be able to see her again before she leaves for Cali! Work passed by pretty quick and most of the trainees were quick at picking up the headset and everything even though we were short a carhop because Lauren called in. Everybody joked around but everything got done so nobody slacked off. Ravon squeezed my ass so I smacked her's back. Ravon started asking if I was cupcaking with Roy which is totally false because he was trying to have me bring up a box of ice cream. Psh, he a man. He can do it himself hehe. Alex called me during work today but I couldn't quite understand him since my attention was diverted by orders. Saige started carhopping on her own but Melonie isn't comfortable with doing it on her own so she stayed on fountain tonight. Kay and Roy started asking if I was bisexual and they were pretty hesitant about it which I don't understand why? It's whatever to me. Kay says that she asked me because when Megan and I joke around, she knows we're joking around but there's something underneath that joking? Roy then proceeded to wink at me when I took out an order and I was like wha? You got an itch in yo eye boy? And he's like oh muh gawd and texted me "Use your imagination" which totally dumbfounded me so he texted me "Are you about that life" and I'm just lik what duh pho? Just be straight forward and I threaten to ask Kay if he didn't tell me so he said that he's cool with girls liking girls which is a total cover up. Later on when I gave him a ride home I was like you better spill the beans and asked if he was gonna try to date Megan because of the whole movie thing and he said nah and that he was only trying to be like a big brother but with me it's a different story? He asked me if I liked him and I told him nah, we're just good friends and he said it's because he's black ahaha. I asked him what the whole wink was about and the text and he was like oh muh gawd, stop being dumb! I really don't get it though, so I was like you were being flirtatious/seduce me? He said something like that but he didn't come out and exactly say it so I'm still pretty dumbstruck. When he asked that stupid question through text about the life thing apparently he was asking me if I'm all about sex which is false because I've only done it with one guy and I really did love him. I haven't done it with a girl because well, I haven't been with a girl that long or serious ahaha. So, I'm pretty confused. Is he interested in me or is he just being meh friendly? Well whatevs. Today was an awesome day, work went by fast and it was really enjoyable. My coworkers are funny and I don't know, there's just a bond I guess? Especially when we go around grabbing each others' asses LOL. Btw, mah boobs are filling out! I'm still not as curvy or round but they're filling out on the sides and front so I'm happy!

My sex face ;D

Rockin' day.

Had woken up early again to do uncle's thing again. Goofed around and cleaned until I had to go to work. Got called in early so I had to reschedule my plans with Cindy for tomorrow. Happy hour was steady and ice cream rush was pretty heavy too. Made over $75 in tips working a 9 hour shift~! Broke my record of $52. Never made this much even when I had worked a 12 hour shift before! 

I hate how you ignore and act aloof to my affection. I hate how you just sit there and look at me with a funny face when I move in for a kiss. I hate how you don't do anything or make a move and make me do it! I hate it I hate it! You're so oblivious to my desires, intentions, and feelings. I try. I try really hard, the hardest I've ever tried. I make what I want known and give the reasons why I feel like I do. I try not to become overbearing, I try to show my affection, I try to have cute little matching with you but it feels like I'm putting more effort than you. I feel like I'm just being stupid and throwing myself on you and wasting my time in making a fool out of myself.

Even when both sides want to stay, it's better to let go and say good-bye.

Girl's Night Out.

Woke up around 8:00AM to go do Uncle's thing today but turns out the place that we went to get his paperwork done didn't do those so it was all in vain. He went to work and I went to work about an hour after him. Got called to pick up relish from 151st and I was quite surprise to find Krystal O. as a manager there and we chatted for a bit. Work was super slow from the rain and after work I went home to freshen up for a bit then I went over to Michelle's house. We went and picked up Kayla and we headed to the mall. Played 1,2,3 he's mine and bought clothes which I shouldn't be doing because I'mma get scolded again for wasting money, not saving for a new car, and I already have too much clothes hehe. Went out to iHop afterwards and I got myself a 2x2x2. We all played "I have never ever _____" and I won second place ahaha. Megan won first place obviously. She had 5 fingers left. Spotted Ryan towards the middle of our game and he joined in. Came home around 11:30PM and didn't get yelled at. So happy la~

 I really liked this one because of the cut outs but it was too small for me, hence I was covering the part where the zipper wouldn't pull up LOL. 

This one looked really nice, except for the fact that you could see through to my bra and undies hence I was standing awkwardly. 

Dreams2

Had a dream that I had a serial killer but I can't quite remember who or what happened the other night. Then last night I had a dream about him and another girl? It didn't bother me much, it was just kinda like oh hey he has a girl, he's moving on again heh. Ripped off my eye lash extensions and oh my goodness they hurt like a mutha pho. I put on the eyelash glue remover and all but they still wouldn't come off so now I have a bald spot on my eyelash line LOL. Submerging myself in wuxia! Currently watching the swordsman and it's pretty interesting. 

My eyelash extensions before I ripped them out.

What I grew up with: Wahaha milk.

Sad that I know most of the series in this MV? :P

Overtime.

Over time this week, extra mollah! Finally had a real morning shift today and I came 10 minutes early but Tim wasn't even the manager today. Wtf. Gah! Went to an Asian gathering today and ate well even though I was losing weight so well. Played Vietnamese poker and I won 4 out of the 5 rounds. Ah booyah! 

No make-up, after the asian gathering with causal clothes but I still looked quite pretty imo. :)

Work out.

Had a rough night at work last night because a family kept screaming at each other and lashing out their frustration and anger out at me. Don't lash out at your server if they didn't do anything wrong, better yet don't go out if you're gonna make a scene. A poor woman 3 stalls from them had to come to the patio to order because they were screaming profanity and was scared. Had to make a deal with Tim that if I want more day shifts then I have to come in 5 minutes earlier than my scheduled time every day instead of sometime coming in around 5 minutes late. Ah poop. Worked from 12:00PM-11:00PM. Didn't get a chance to eat anything until 7:30PMish. Gah, so pooped out.   One thing that's coming out of it all is the dough I'm raking in and my body. So proud of it, just gotta find my denim shorts asap because I feel like if I ask Tim for another card I'm gonna get murdered.

Work in progress!