What is a family?

Is it blood that connects people? Is it mutual affection, or is it a title to describe a group of people living together?

What is a dad?
Is he the alpha male that dominates everyone? Does he decree commands? Is he the one that beats you over the back of the head with a metal crowbar when you take away his credit card since he's having an affair? Is he the one that pulls your hair, knees you in the stomach, sky uppercut you while laughing at your tears?

Or is he the one that teaches you how to play sports? The one that's overprotective when it comes to boys. The one that picks on the administrators when you're getting beaten up, your hair pulled twice a day by the ginger on the bus and even when you run crying to the bus driver she doesn't understand since you don't speak a word of English and the ginger pretends to care and pretend to soothe you. Making the bus driver think you have a mental problem. And when you're at school, during recess the girls speak horrid words at you yet you don't understand a word but know they're mean words as tears stream down your face.

What is a mom? Is she the one that calls the shots? Is she the one that points her finger at you, with her eyes bulging out as she threatens to pour urine over your head? Was she the one that threw you out of the apartment late at night when you were four for being unfair to your older sister? Was she the one that hit you til you bruise purple and blue just to see you cry? Is she the one that says you have no right to hold anger against your parents nor "judge" them? Is she the one that called you a demon?

Or is it a woman that holds you when you're scared. One that teaches you how to bake cookies? The one that attends your school plays and takes photos of you. Does she marvel at your school awards?

What are parents?

Are they aloof adults that maintain a minor's life? Were they the one that ignored your words when you told them you that their friend was sexually abusing you. That it was your fault for getting close to him?

What is an older sister?

Was she the one that called you an idiot when you feared life. The one that considered you a nuisance. The one that criticized your relationship? The one that said you were lying when you tell her you were sexually molested by her boss.

You say you're my family or is it just a title?

Pain pain go away; snow come today.

Come and freeze the pain away with your silence.

You advise me; if I were to continue to be like this bad karma would come after this household. That I'll bring misfortune to my younger brother and to you my dear mother.
And you, my beloved sister declare that I'm the one sabotaging my relationship. That I'll be the reason why it'll end yet you're one to talk when you couldn't maintain a friendship long enough for it to blossom into potential relationship.  Always criticizing my actions. Saying that others are a fool to be attracted to me with anger. Are you jealous? Are you that envious that you must crush my self esteem and devour my spirit? Are you only happy when I am below you, unworthy, and torn?

Must I end this too, to be able to attain peace?
I am tired, hurt, and worn out. Just let me be, please.

Private concerns become public affairs.

As long as him and I aren't doing anything bad then you shouldn't be concerned. Our arguments are our arguments. Have you ever realized that sometimes we're not fighting but I'm just piss in general? Why do you even care or want to know what we fight about? Why do you even get piss when I don't tell you? If you're so worried about bad karma coming then maybe you should live your life a bit better. Shoving religion in someone's face won't you anywhere.

Sure, karma will get me back since I'm "enslaving" him; ect but hey it's better than being with someone that I'll constantly have to please to be happy. I think I'll know how to judge boys when picking out future husbands since I've had my share of painful relationships but of course that's unknown to you.

It's times like this that push me to the edge and want to end things so I wouldn't have to deal with these situations.

Relationships and Family.

Having your boyfriend and family members meet and know about each other is great and all but when they get too involved is when it kills it for me. Having your mother, older sister, and baby siblings nag at you for him is a turn off and it pisses me to no end. When I want to spend time with him, they regard me as spoiled, loose, fickle yet when I don't want to they open their big mouths into my affairs. Whenever I'm "allowed" to spend time with him there's always a tail following, whether it be one of my siblings or someone. There's always some kind of restriction. I never get any alone time with him and when I do they tend to get suspicious that we do things and I have to pay some kind of price at the end.

It's times like this that I wish I was single.
It's as if they like to put a strain on my relations. If they want to form friendships with whoever then they can make their own. Don't try to strengthen or weaken mine. Don't bring your high religious crap to me, because I really don't want to listen. If you didn't get so involved I wouldn't be like this. At times I push him away because I don't want to deal with both of you. I can't please the both of you and I can't please myself so who am I living to please for?

Don't you remember the saying, the people around us and the things they did are what make us who we are? I am this way because of you people and your guys' actions. I live for the benefit of myself. Why be at a disadvantage for the advantage of someone else? I'm selfish but so are you. Everyone's selfish, even God, Jesus, Allah, Pan and Buddha. If they weren't then they would accept everybody without setting up rules and guidelines for their "children". They would love and accept their creation equally, not send the naughty ones to such a horrible place.

魔女。

I don't talk.
I don't disrespect.
I don't half ass or turn in assignments late.

So why are you haggling on me? What have I ever done to receive this treatment? Others would babble on and turn in their assignments late yet you greet them with smiling faces. I ask reasonable unmentioned questions yet you give me this attitude when you answer. What's up with that?

Is it because I'm Asian? Yeah I'm pulling out the race card because I don't see it any other way! The teachers in the past had no issues concerning me. I wear modest clothes, my handwriting is eligible, my character is conserved yet every single day I guarantee you have never once greeted me. I've never even been late to your class! Think of others who dropped, ditched, slacked off yet you're totally chill with it.

I say hello, please, thank you. Others say whatever, okay, uh huh.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT.

A f f a i r s。

I understand that you're anxious, worried, concerned but it's my relationship.
I choose who I want to be with. 
I can seek out quality traits. 


I don't want to end things again for you.
Alex Yang and I ended because you guys would constantly bicker and mock me once, twice, thrice a night. I'm capable of envisioning my future, making my decisions, creating and dissolving connections. I don't want you to run trails on him through me, I am able to accomplish that when needed. 


Your daughter knows of life's thorns. They've ripped her open in the silent darkness. She's not the little girl that only knew how to follow your footsteps anymore. She has walked down paths similar to yours but she has the knowledge to avoid the potholes. She isn't the child with the soft, innocent filled, vassal anymore. She has grown in silence, stowing away data deep within not to attract attention to herself. 


I will take your opinions into consideration but don't force them upon me. 


And you. Take into consideration that you're not my first. I've been through pain and have constant reminders everyday to be cautious since they're fearful that I'll experience it and do something reckless. I don't need you ass-ing them either because I am from this family. I got my manners from the same person you're dissing. I've never yelled at you before, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't blast me with anger.