Memorial Day

So David came to hang out on Monday, came around 12-1 though lol. We went out to chosun for BBQ, then the palazzo to see age of ultron, then mall. Bought a romper and dress from Charlotte Russe, they only had one dress left that I liked but the size is a bit big on me. It's the kind where the straps fall onto your shoulder instead of around your armpits, a bit sultry and sexy for me plus my bigs are itty bitty lol. Work was slow today, tidied up my room a bit, life is so so. Checking back at the restaurant, hopefully I don't need a reevaluation. Got a haircut and my bangs back. 7 inches off yet no one notices since I still have some length plus my hair is usually in a bun at work to keep it out of my face when I'm polishing. 

Nothing new.

Nothing too new. Working as usual. Have a client who's interested in setting me up with her son(s) lol. Pretty nice lady though and her son does seem pretty cool. David's coming up on Monday to visit after like 4 years. Can't wait to see him! Maybe we can hit up a shooting range hehe. Really need to cut my hair, it's getting so long and the ends are starting to get dry again but everyone is so busy because of summer. 

Got that fav hair workin. 

Gotta love my body butter. Keeps my feet nice and soft. 

Last finals tomorrow.

Monday night I kept getting called into work since they were short staffed but I really couldn't do both at same time. Desperately needed to turn in my shit that night for math. Started on it at 1 since my English finals finished around then, stayed until freaking 10PM to finish that bullshit. Crazy asses. Went into work today instead of studying for the hard finals that are tomorrow morning. Hopefully, fingers crossed that I pass math with an overall B. I pray to the heavenly lord above to not let me have a brain fart moment during it and the caffeine to keep me alert, and McDonald's not to kick in and give me the shitters during my math final because I can wing Japanese but not math hurhur.  

Funny dreams

Nothing too new lately except for having bombast dreams. Went to babe's graduation after rushing to leave work even though it was busy as hell. Dreamt that I was dating this half Asian half white guy but he reminded me a lot of Keo. I went shopping and swimming and everywhere I went there were cute guys trying to get at me even though I told them I had a boyfriend already, heck this one dude gave me free shit at the store. I was pretty blessed haha. I think it was because I've had a few guys trying to holler at me lately and I'm just like no thanks, I'm taken heh. Then last night I dreamt that my former boss came to my house and complained to my mom about me not being truthful and coming back to work in the summer? And she somehow had to go work at his shop for the day and that he'll never have me work for h anymore. That's really weird lol, I don't think he'd hate me to that point? Especially since he set me up on a date with his son which turned out as awkward for the two of us as can be haha. Then somehow my mom drove my white suv into a lake or flood that was all the way up to my car's window. We had to get it towed out and then later she crashed my car. Needless to say I was pretty pissed. Idk what's going on in my mind while I sleep. Just noted that they're pretty interesting and funny to look back on when I'm awake. Gotta figure out my work schedule for the restaurant ugh. Also gotta set up college visits too. Sigh. 

Just Stop.

You've probably been wondering all week how my reaction was, that's why you've been checking up to see if steam came out of my ears or what not. That's why you talking smack, hoping it'll come back to me. I really, genuinely wanted you to be happy. Hell, I'm bliss! I have a smart, hardworking guy, a job that pays very well, a scholarship to Japan. I'm thankful and very happy.
Recently, I've been pondering about you too. I wondered how school's coming for you, did you get a good paying job yet, have you grown and matured? How's Lucy doing? I miss her very much. But I can see that I was being silly.
I'm trying to let go of the past. People make mistakes, they love and they lost but they also grow. I tried to make amends, not to be buddy buddies but just so there wouldn't be awkward tension. I'm trying to start a fresh, not bringing up the past, not talking smack or bringing you into a conversation. I'm trying to respect you, because you were once someone I held very dear to me.
If you'd like me to acknowledge you in public, just acknowledge me and I will do the same.
Do good, receive good.

Dosage of my weekend.

Besides ignoring my homework for $$$ at work. Coughing up a lung and going to the doctors and taking lab tests for nothing. 

Snippet of recent days.

Shit ton of homework and finishing up last minute assignments for school. Drove to the airport to pick up parents and the kids. Woot, I drove on the highway for ~40 miles tee hee. Really not lovin' all the construction going on I35. Got called into work at 6PM even though we close at 7PM because it was so busy and I had just gotten home from picking up 'rents and kids. They wanted me to come out today as well but I couldn't since I lost my voice and a slight fever. Actually passed out once I got home from school surprisingly. Anyways time for bed, peace out boos. 

PS. Perks of them being home, I get to give Andi and Alex kisses and cuddles. There's food at the end of the day waiting, and the grass is finally getting mowed after a month. xD

Where did I go wrong.

On days like these, I tend to dress up and apply make up with care. Why? To hide myself. People tend to think I'm about to go out for a special event but truth is, it helps hide my emotions. A thin layer over swirling, unsettling feelings. Why let it show? I don't need pity, I don't need their judgemental glances. I don't need to let those who hate me see me fall. Make up is my mask.

Lately I've been having second guesses. Not because of the events but because on your reactions. Yes, I have been upset and irritated by the connections related to John and the two hood rats. I figured if I try to ignore it and look the other way I could keep things under control. So far it was going well. I occupied myself with other people and was able to work on a few things. Mostly just ignored. Until today, your reaction set me off. You really have changed. I am the type to go into my shell, to hold things in and avoid but you letting me go really shows what's occurred. I realize that you don't try as hard anymore. You've got the girl but you're not doing the things you did in the beginning to get the girl. You may have gotten the girl but that doesn't mean you can stop doing what you did in the beginning. She's still the girl everyone wants, I'm still the girl guys are pinning for. I don't have to be your girl anymore if you're not going to work to maintain me. I have difficulty opening up, so I'll always retreat to my shell with things I don't know how to explain or convey. You use to push me, push forward and show that you care even if it wasn't successful. The calls, the texts, the frustration showed you cared. I appreciated that, I opened up when I had the courage to after being pushed so much. Now, you can go days without much communication, that doesn't bother you. You're glad to have the space to yourself. You don't want to put the effort in. My silence receives eye rolls and you recuperate with more silence. Flames with more flames, it'll consume my heart and I will give up.

You don't want to bother with school work because it's unimportant to you. You weren't like this before. I thought you changed for the better, became a person who was focused on the future. Who cared about their assignments and workload even if it was disliked.

Your lack of reactions your commitment to others, your disinterest in schoolwork. The times you lash out in front of me. All this causes me to reevaluate my choice in picking you and why I'm wasting my time with a stranger - because I don't know you anymore.