Cross gender?

“You can love a person until that transcends into no longer loving them.”

“What is love? Love is care, concern, being magnanimous, being open and understanding each other. It is just like a fiery fire whose flames will never die! Love can enable two individuals with different mindsets, actions and even a completely different world to come together In love, your partner’s well-being is more important than your own. Even till the end of time, it will never change for eternity!” 

Had an extremely odd dream last night. First off I was running away from something in the forest with Mikeo. Then somehow I ended up in those toy cars that little kids are able to get in and drive around. It was a black, sedan form car with cracks on the side doors. I kept driving and somehow ended up at a junkyard and got stuck trying to go up a mountain of junk. I was freaking out then the dream transition to me in a girls' locker room and we were all getting ready to go swim since everyone was in bathing suits. Then somehow I ended up down this long dark hallways. I was nude, and there was this guy who was evaluating me as well on how I walk down the hallways, like modeling/cat walk? When I reached the end of the hallways there was a door and I pushed through it to reveal a dude who had borrowed my penis. No, I'm not talking about a dildo but my real life, flesh penis. It was pretty huge too. Not gonna lie. Mine was over a 12 inches, probably 14. It was all real flesh, not plastic or flesh like material. Real live flesh. It had the veins, ringlet of extra skin when you get circumcised as well. Best part? I had no hair on my balls hehe. No pubs. None. Zip. Zap! So the guy had borrowed my penis and had sexual intercourse with another dude and returned it to me with sperm still coming out at the end, dripping. I was like, "Oh gee, thanks." but I was really irritated that he borrowed my penis and used it without asking. I took it back and I had a hole in the front as well. Not a hole like a vagina but like a hollow hole to insert the base of the penis into and strap it on. Thinking back, that is so freakin' odd but I didn't think so at the moment. Somewhere in the dream Mikeo showed me a video of Corey and Josh on his phone for some reason. They were both wearing hats, and dark skinny jeans. Corey was wearing something green with black while Josh wore dark, navy colors. They were doing head spins, something I know Corey isn't able to do - at least from when I've known him, Josh I now can do just fine and the basic air chairs. They were doing all these moves, then afterwards they got up and drank from red, plastic cups, their profile facing me. It was a video he was showing me but it felt more like I was directly in front of them and watching them but they couldn't see me. They were in a kitchen, wooden floor while they were doing this too. I couldn't help but analyze the way he was drinking. How his lips form when taking a drink, his chin had slight fuzz - something that I use to always nag him to shave since it would scratch me. He seemed pretty happy. 

I wonder if I'll ever forget him? There are days where I wish him the best, but as always don't have the guts to meet his gaze. Other days I hate him, hate that he left me, hate what he's turned into. And then there are the days where I miss the past, and long for them. When will I be able to treat him the same as everybody else? I'm sure he's long forgotten, or so there's a part of me that thinks so. There are times I hear of his deeds and foresee the mistakes he's making and want to reach out and help him, want to help him make the right choices and be happy. Like pushing others away because he fears they will turn on him, just as he turned others upon me. I don't know how he treats her, but don't make your world miserable. Don't turn into someone who plays with people's hearts because in the end you're just hurting yourself and depriving yourself of true happiness. What we had was happiness, wasn't it? Isn't that what you desire? Someone who is your world so that on those nights when you hold them in your arms, you're the happiest man in the world. Don't go talking to other girls to make her jealous or to distract yourself, don't contain her from the world. Set a balance and things will go smoother. My advice to you, after analyzing our past conflicts. I don't want to infringe on your personal life, in fear I might obtain knowledge I don't want to know so I will watch over you from time to time, and hope for your happiness. Maybe this is a way of me letting go? Silently assisting and watching over your well being. Stay safe.

Had a pretty bad headache in the morning and considered asking mama to call me out but I decided not to since I've missed so many days. Megg and Michelle wanted to go out for dinner tonight but I declined since I was taking the kids out trick or treating tonight. Tried to dress up in my yukata and do some kind of wuxia but it felt so awkward, the material that is so I just opted for a black professional uniform and slapped on some lipstick and make up. So cold, I think my sickness got worse. We didn't go for even an hour yet but mama called us home. I remember the other year when I went TOTing with Corey. I went all the way until 9:30PM and he would be in the car driving after me, shouting,"It's time to go home!" and I'd be like "Okay!" but still run house to house getting candy hehe. It was a school night too yet I kept pushing on, trying to get more candy. I have to admit, that was the best Halloween I've had. Not because of the amount of candy I gathered but because of the laughter and memories. It's nice looking back at happy memories and realizing how much he spoiled and showered me with love.

I think that's what I'm looking for. Someone who understood or at least tried to, who spoiled and enjoyed my silliness. Someone who treats me like their first love who they don't ever want to lose, to let me know that I'm the one, forever. Can't believe I had that fairytale, even if it was for a short while. It's my happy place. I don't want someone who brings up my past, who calls me names, who hurts me rather than shield me from harm.

Shoot. I forgot tonight was $2 burritos at Chipotle. Gahh! I was dressed up too. So sad.

Potential Hairdresser?

Just came back from coloring Stacy's hair with Megan. Oh goodness, it took us two hours and we even took shortcuts. We were planning to color her hair a dark brown with blonde and red streaks. First we bleached her hair and left the foil in, not realizing how quickly her hair lifts and focused on coloring her head. After finishing, we checked the foil and it was already platinum blonde. It didn't look too bad with just the dark brown and blonde but once we put in the red color, it stained everything else so it turned into pink with brown. Eeeek! Went over to Sonic to grab some food before heading home. Didn't even get a chance to study my AP Bio or do math homework from like Friday hehe.

Analyze flaws and opportunities.

#1. Everything was good besides the distance and age gap. I became very attention seeker. Looked forward to promises that I should've known were only to made to appease me.

#2. He was a prince charming from the every beginning. My fault was pushing him away and trying to change someone who was already perfect in my eyes. Our flaws were being overly zealous. I couldn't stand when you would get upset and growl, throwing and banging things around because there was always the fear that one day you would take those things and hit me with it.

#3. He has a sweet and jack ass side. It seems his jackass side comes out too often because he bruises and hits me. I'm sure he doesn't mean to injure me but his strength is beyond mine and often causes bruises and soreness that last for days. The rare intentions when he is serious is what softens my heart but he constantly has that jokster role it's more douchey than funny. The only way I can combat with it is with my own sense of doucheness and twisted sense of humor.

My goals are what they are because I'm sick of the past. Adults love me for my sense of duty, responsibility, and hospitality. I will be their dream daughter in law, a one in a million but that fortune only has one name on it. I may not have many friends but those close to me will appreciate me as I am the one who wakes first in the group and cooks them breakfast and the only thing I ask in return is that they get toilet paper at 2AM in the middle of the woods! Haha. I will prove to those who believed I was ugly, dumb, and inferior. I will strut my stuff, a face you can't deny that is beautiful and a body carved from marble. I will obtain that master's degree and become part of the high middle class. I will construct business overseas with foreigners, come to think of it. I already will be at the Monte Carlo. I will master your language and many more while you can hardly speak a lick of mine. Who wouldn't want to take me as a wife or daughter in law? A lady who isn't loose, who has an education, and a high paying stable job. One with a nice figure and pretty face, many talents, and house wife skills. My name shall be heard and my face be known. I will dominate you all.

Go, no?

Dreamt that I was back in the apartment where I use to live, the one on Ridgeway. There were all these neglected puppies and kittens that I decided to put them all in my backpack because I had no other way of carrying them. They were all weak and very tiny. I chose a dark grey kitten where both of its ears got bitten off or something. Poor baby. Then I took in two white kittens, one was pure white and a boy, the other was less sharp but also white. Don't remember the gender but it was timid. I took in a black or was in a dark grey/brown? But I also took in another puppy as well. They were both boys and very small, short hair with floppy ears. They were a medium to large breed so it wasn't like a chihuahua or anything. There was a tornado going on and the apartment wasn't safe so I took them all in my hot pink backpack and carried them to my house. Left the zipper 1/3 open at the top so they could breath and hoped that they didn't crush each other. They were pretty quiet and didn't move much, probably because they were really weak. I took them home and took them out. They started to move a bit but not much, especially the puppies. I set out dishes of water in the plastic bowls Andi use to play with and took out those brown canned beans. Not sure why I chose that but I didn't have any meat or canned meat so I just chose that. My main concern was getting them hydrated. The kittens were the first to become active and move around. The puppies I had to coax to drink and eat. Then I woke up to my mom coming in to make sure that I'm really gonna go back.

Ugh. All my savings are gonna be drained. Gotta pay for the plane ticket then surgery and my living expenses over there. Going over to Seoul, South Korea again as well. Mmm, maybe I'll get to interact with the Japanese customers at the hotel since auntie keeps asking me to translate and all. Mama suggested why don't I say and celebrate lunar new years over there as well and I'm like noooo! I gotta get back and focus on my studies and she's like oh mah gawd. You don't know how to relax and enjoy, it's been forever since you've celebrated it over there but the thing is I don't see anything special. People come over and give you money and talk with each other. Nothing special, plus I have no friends have over there so meh. I just wanna get back, focus on my studies, and graduate. Maybe I won't have to go back this year is it can be helped. Maybe next year? Cause the lady that wants Ami to finish the papers want her to stay back for 2 months and I ain't stayin' that long especially during my senior year. No thanks. Last night Ami and mama looked on Corey's profile and I happened to catch a glimpse of him in full on make-up. I didn't realize it was him and asked who it was. When they told me it was him and started talking I was like I'm outta here! Took my AP Bio binder upstairs and dashed out. Didn't want to hear or see anything that might upset me. Don't have the nerve to check up on him or hear things I don't wanna hear. Just as long as he's alive then I'm okay. I'm sure the same goes for him.

Decided.

I've decided, I'm going back this year. I know I've stated that I don't want to go back and all but this trip is solely business. Not concerned about clothes shopping or anything really. Ami's going to get her papers done and we're both going to get our surgeries done as well. I'll probably get a haircut as well, thinking about getting a haircut like this so that I'll have bangs but have layers that are long. Staying there for a little over a month but I'll have to not strain my eyes for around 3-6 months to ensure recovery so that means way less blogging, facebook, youtube, and reading. Wonder how I'll cope with my college classes though? Sigh. Went to the doctor's office, and got swabbed again. Came out as negative but still feeling icky so I'm staying home for another day. Got so much make up work. Gah, I think the two jobs are getting to me already. Gonna have to quit one or the other sooner or later. Mama told dad about the gift that she found outside and he quickly assumed that it was from Corey. Why do they all think that? I guess they really ship him and me together haha. Jae's getting pretty anal about me leaving but I'm not sure why he's being rude about it rather than supportive. It's my body and if even my parents agree than I'm pretty sure it's not a radical, crazy thing. Calling me a surgery junkie too, like what? Why can't he just tell me that he's gonna miss me or give words of encouragement instead of saying things like fuck you and shit. He's a hard head, this one.

Dreamt that I was a necromancer, meaning that I could conjure and control spirits. I had to release two spirits, one was a young man with brown hair in his late 20s or so. Another one was a really young one, under 20 or so. I can't quite remember what was going on. Fast forward I was at the airport and they had all these 50 cent machines where they had pokemon plushies. I went crazy haha. Jenn, Crystal, Kat, and Elizabeth were getting their tickets to go back to Vietnam and said that they're gonna say with Jae's grandparent's house which makes no sense because his grandparents and family are all over here. I said suggested that why don't we stay at one of my aunt's hotels instead since there would be more room. Went and bought my ticket as well. Outside during this scene was dark and rainy, around 7-8PMish? I was also inside this huge mall or store, I think it use to be a JC Penny? They redid everything and had tunnels of water going around in circles and crisscrosses and there were was a fountain or sprinkler that went off like those ones you see at water parks. In the tunnels of water were piranhas. There were signs of do not enter but I went anyways because my curiosity overpowered me. There were small breaks where there was water so I had to jump over to the other side. The breaks were pretty wide and big so often times my foot would get caught or something because it got wet but I quickly took my foot out of the water in fear of it getting eaten by the piranhas. I made it towards the end then I suddenly got transported to this yellow place. A baseball game was going on. The field looks familiar, like it took place at the school I use to go to, Ridgeview. This asian guy, probably in his 30s, spoke khmer to me and I was like what. I also noticed that segregation went on. By the way people dressed I presumed that it was around 1980 or 90s but later when everyone dispersed and we went to an outhouse to shower, non co-ed for the matter but boys still came into the girl's.  I asked the coach or so what year it was and he wrote on the aluminum or I think it was since it was a dark silver/grey color that it was 1726. When I had gone to wash up, this big ol'e boy came in and started harassing me. Ugh. I was more irritated that he was bullying me rather than coming in on me while I was washing up.

Bring me all your dreams, you dreamer. Bring me all your heart's melodies, that I may wrap them in a blue cloud-cloth. Away from the too rough fingers of the world.

Nature's first green is gold. Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf's a flower. But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, so dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

Sick and in sweats.

DFBB.

She really is selfless. She had so much ambition, potential, and beauty. She was the leader of the Holy Sun Moon sect and was the only person to complete the Sunflower manual. Like wtf, she had the highest martial arts and her body was immune to all poison. When Yue Buqun lied about Linghu Chong's death, she went ballistic and killed everybody to avenge him! She also went up to the snowy mountains during nightfall to get a wolf's gall because she heard that it might save Linghu Chong since his internal energy was damaged and out of wack. When Linghu Chong passed out in the middle of the forest, she took off her outter robe to wrap around him and warm him up(that was basically consider being in your underwear ect). Another event is when she placed him onto a wheel barrel and carried him to Lingjiu temple where they wanted to kill her but she still took him there and stayed because she was willing to die just to save him! They tricked her and made her stay inside the ice room for who knows how long and she was willing to stay just to save Linghu Chong. Even after he stabs and injures her so many times she still loves him so dearly. Everybody thought she was dead afterwards but she still followed him and made sure that he never got hurt. In the end when Ying Ying's poison is activated she willingly gave up her heart so Dr. Ping could operate a heart transplant! Nobody knows of her good deeds or sympathizes with her. Forever she stays at the bottom of the lake. Omo..so heart wretching! All her feelings and things she does, I sympathize and understand it all too well. Why can't I be a man and just take her into my arms and love her? :(

I've never hated a character from the 'good' side before but omg LHC. He is slow and weak in martial arts, a big ol'e bum yet she loves him so. Killing hundreds, just for him even though he never shows much care. Heartless bastard. Just because she's from the 'bad' side yet he goes with Ying Ying. It's okay to love DFBB! Her heart isn't pure evil, she's just been pushed to take those actions. To the ever least she's not hyprocrite like those shaolin people. Murder is murder, killing people you believe is bad doesn't make you a saint. You silently hold her in your heart yet you will never act upon it and deem her evil for one reason. You don't think of the times she's done for you? You don't see the pain in her eyes when you hurt her? She's strong but she's still a woman with a heart! She's never done more damage to you then swat you on the arm or upside the head for a smart ass comment but you..you stab her in the heart multiple times! You raise your sword to her neck yet she never as much flinches. Your acidic words cut deep into her heart. You make her bleed yet she covers and protects you from any harm. Gawd damnit, why is it so difficult to be a girl. Loving stupidly and unconditionally.

This got me thinking. She wasn't able to let go but they weren't able to be together even though they held each other in their hearts. He was too stubborn to acknowledge it publicly after finding out she was from the evil sect. In the end, she did something for LHC's happiness. In a way she did let go, but she kept loving him as well? Giving her heart to RYY so that she would live which DFBB believed would contribute to LHC's happiness. Is it about time I do the same as well? Letting go? I think he let go a while back too when he unblocked. He didn't want to have the burden of hatred. I think he only wants to be a silent friend. Doesn't want to communicate because it might make things difficult but wants to make sure from time to time that I'm okay. I'm just afraid I might come across something I don't want to see. There's nothing left between the two of us except memories and the places we held in each other's lives. What he did is in the past and my son or daughter is no more, should I let go of that as well? He, I can forgive but others who interfere I will not. I hold true to my word. Letting go should be easier for the heart, no? Will I always feel like this or as time goes on my feelings and thoughts of him will dull and fade?

新笑傲江湖 冲东 了结 完整版.

LEGAL.

Worked from 10:30AM~4PM. Thought I had to work until 5 but I guess I mixed that up with Saturday's shift. Helped my lady boss buy a Samsung Galaxy S4 today and the seller was weird. The price was $395 and we offered to pay $360 but he kept stating that he wouldn't go under $380 and that there was a lot of other people wanting to buy it for $380. I was like whatever and hung up. Talked it over with my boss and was about to call him yet not even two minutes later, as I was pressing in his number, he called us back and agreed to sell it for $350! The lady boss was so ecstatic. No clue why he decided to sell it for lower than our offered price lolol. Went out to Korma Sutra with family, Dudley, and Cobe for dinner. Cobe kept slapping me in the face with his balloon and I resorted to pulling his hair, got scolded lols. We truly do fight like siblings! Thought it was pretty sweet that he was planning a surprise party but then people couldn't come in the end. Oh well, it's the thought that counts. My throat got worse so I'm stayin' home today. Mama found the gift bag that a guy friend left for me in the backyard, not sure how he managed to get it across the fence? She opened it up and saw a big plushie. Looked at the card and everything and brought it up to me. She thought it was from Corey and I'm like nah. One, because I know that it's a gift automatically from my guy friend because he told me he got something and left it somewhere around my house. Two, why would Corey get me a gift? I'm pretty sure he doesn't remember my birthday nor does he care haha. Apparently John was there when he bought it and asked who it was for and stated that it better not be for me. How come? John and I are good friends sooo..unless he's thinking that my guy friend and I are a 'thing' or that my guy friend likes me?

I remembered my dream the other night but now I can't recall it. It's making me frustrated! Last night's dream involved little baby hedgehogs, about 3 to 4 of em, bright golden orange and this seagull with needles for a beak and feet. The seagull kept attack me so I had to strangle it and roll it into a ball and pour syrup on it to make it stay still. Cobe just sat next to me and watched it attack me, digging its needle beak into my skin and everything. I was at Cobe's house or at least I think so since it was a Culdesac but Corey and his family lived there? He didn't look anything like himself, his mom was always nice as usual. Then something about having to go in the car and stay? I don't remember it all too clear.  Well on the topic, mama says that she really approved of Corey and liked him. Says that if I want to marry a guy, I need to find a guy like that. Sigh. Oh mama. 

Old cheongsam photos.

Finally legal yet still acting like jail bait. :P

Double Shift.

Went to do the moneygram wire for the 07 Honda Accord but stop midway because of the high possibility of it being a scam. Think I'll just stick to buying locally even if it means having to pay a few thousands more but at least I'll be able to check it out. Still made it in time to open at the restaurant. Finished doing my chores and had about 5~10 minutes left. Woah! So I just stand at there awkwardly. Worked from 10:30AM-2, then went and retried the moneygram thing then went over to Jae's house to watch two and the first 16 minutes of a third episode heh. Dong Bu Bai comes back alive! Gah, that made me so happy. I bawled my eyes when Linghu Chong stabbed her and she fell off the cliff. Broke my heart into bits! Then with Rapist TBL dressing up as a lady for Yi Lin. Ooooh, so funny and cute. Went back to work at 5 til 8. I smell so strong of Chinese food nowadays hehe. The video of the tribute is up and oh my gosh. I sped soooo fast in haha but I had to because our time got cut into when Justin had his part. Talked with the lady boss today about boyfriends haha. Her first relationship reminds me of my last one a lot. We both didn't like the guy in the beginning but only when we really got into the relationship after it end we realize how much we love them and how much it hurts, and we still remember them. They hold a special place in our minds/heart. Her second one, she didn't really like him. Probably because her heart was still with the first one. I'm guilty of that so bad now and in the past heh. But it's better to forget is what she said, especially since we're happy the way we are now and you have to live. Haha, oh the conversations I have with my lady boss - actually they're the only conversations I have at work because the servers are too busy and I don't speak Chinese, at least not enough to understand or carry a conversation. If I'm lucky from  time to time I'll understand a phrase or a word and be like ooh! I know that! Haha.

Anyways, dream time! I can't remember everything clearly but first I was on campus then I was in this huge white mansion. Somehow wild lions or escaped exotic pets, "lions" escaped from their owner. They were circling the perimeters, hunting. They got in and I ran around rooms trying to hide and escape. There was another wild feline species as well. Tigers, perhaps? Anyways, they circled around me at the top of the stairs. The lion lunged on top of me and snarled its teeth at me. Then I woke up, even though I had an hour and 30 minutes until my alarm clock goes off heh. In the dream Mikeo was trying to protect me as well. A bit odd that I would dream that, especially with him trying to protect me?

Lessons through pain and fears.

Sometimes, we must hurt in order to grow. Sometimes, we must fail in order to know. Sometimes, we must lose in order to gain because some lessons in life are best learned through pain.

You filled my childhood with the importance and aspiration of knowledge. You gave me the thrill of the forbidden fruit. You bestowed the gift of love - the butterflies and ocean of tears. You reached out and brought life into the ghost town. You all help shaped me, you are all a part of who I am.

Everyone makes mistakes and eventually they move on and forget. Sometimes, maybe years later, do they look back and reminisce? Or is it just like a butterfly lost in the gust of winds?

The other night I had a dream where I was in this Japanese styled room that you eat in at sushi restaurants made of bamboo mats and so on. Underneath it was a pokemon whale. Wailmer I believe? These massive tator tots were toss in the air and you had to run around and catch the tator tots and eat em while wailmer busted open the floor boards underneath. You had to catch the tator tots and eat them while avoiding wailmer or else he would catch you and drown you. Weird aye? The I dreamt that I was in this pokemon transformer thing. It was a snivy too! I was in it to get away from something? Can't quite remember. Fast forward, so Michelle and I were together and she spotted a blue valley girl and she said that we had to pretend to not be friends and be strangers because we're from different school districts. That made me so sad but I obliged but I cried so much and felt so hurt. I think a bit more than I would've in real life haha. Such a depressing dream eh!

Worked 7 hour shift at Sonic tonight. Gah. So slow and boring. Miss working with Meggs and Michelle! Miss working with them so much. Left her a little note for tomorrow morning. So weird working night shift again but eh. Working from 10AM-8PM tomorrow with 3 hours interval so it's a split shift. Dislike. I guess I could work on my homework during that time? Going to a moneygram location before that to wire money for the car. I am soooo broke after this. Not even funny. It feels weird being this broke. I can't make it up by working more because I already am working so much! So tired and sleepy. Hitting the hay to wake up early for errands then off to work.

Baggy sweaters/hoodies everyday this week means I went bra free every day. Teehee. Shh. <3

Grilled chicken with green/red peppers, grilled onions, bacon, habanero sauce wrapped in tortilla then deep fried = delish! I used a small tortilla so I ended up wrapping it like those crab ragoons and the top opened up/ripped. Oops. 

Compact tomorrow.

Actually got less sleep than I did the night before but I don't feel as tired? How odd. So many things due tomorrow. I've got a math quiz, English quiz, and Japanese quiz tomorrow as well as a government test! Gah. So stressful. Then I've got a couple of things due on Tuesday as well but that's also the day of the field trip for Government to go hear Sandra O'Conor talk. Contemplating if it's worth to miss class to go hear her talk? If it was AP Bio then hands down I would go but this is government and I've already missed quite a few things plus I have a biology exam and a make up quiz on Tuesday. I've been missing that class often so I feel bad. Snagged an iphone 5 for $450 for auntie - not to mention that it still has to get unlocked later on. Mama and uncle want one as well and I'm like gah because I have to sit on the computer and keep stalking and bidding. It's very stressful. I had wanted to get one as well but now that I think about it, I'm better off waiting because I had changed my phone twice within' one year so I need to slow down. Not to mention I'm going to be in debt and broke soon when I go make my car payment tomorrow for that 2007 Honda Accord! Crossing my fingers that everything will go smoothly, with no leaks, no engine, or transmission problems. Thought I was covering Chloe's shift today at the restaurant but it was pretty slow and Angela seemed to have control of everything. Felt like I wasn't needed plus I had online quizzes to finish so I asked her if I could leave plus she wouldn't have to pay me for standing around doing nothing either. Becoming legal in a couple of days as well! Wonder if I should leave Sonic altogether and just have the job at the restaurant and wal-mart? But then I need a bank account but then I have to deal with the issue of going under each month and being required to have a minimum of whatever each month. Plus I'm leaving next year to Vietnam for my surgery so my income will be completely cut off for 6 months or more as my eyes recover. Not allowed to go near technology or strain my eyes so basically I gotta sleep for 6 months. How fun, but also scary since I'll be going back alone and staying there alone as well. Blind! Got a call from TaoBaoPit, an amazon seller that I had bought things from. I had written a review about one of their products which I wasn't entirely satisfied with but I stated the pro and cons of the product. They called me saying that they were sorry and offered to reimburse $5 to my account as well as next time I order from them they'd include an little gift but here's the catch: at the end they asked if I could remove my review which I don't understand why? I didn't say anything bad except that the colors weren't exactly what the picture showed but it was very soft and does not shed. Eh, they do have a good rating and don't want to ruin it I guess. Plus it's not the first time I've purchased from them so I will remove my review I guess. Well, it's getting late and I shall plop into bed. G'night!

English Renaissance (1485 - 1660)

• Renaissance deprived from french word meaning rebirth. Led to a renewal of curiosity and creativity of the human spirit.

War of the Roses (1485)

• Fought between the houses, York and Lancaster.
• August, King Richard III(York) battles Hentry Tudor(Lancaster) at Battle of Bosworth Field and loses.

Hentry Tudor

• Becomes King of England shortly and marries Elizabeth of York to solidify his reign.
• Has Arthur, Henry, Margaret who is wife of Scotland, and Mary who's wife of France.
• Arthur marries Catherine of Aragon and dies shortly, remarries Henry in 1509.

Henry III

• 1533, Church of England.
• Six Wives: divorce, died, died, divorce, dies, Henry dies!

Vasco da Gama 1460 - 1524

• First to reach India via Cape of Good Hope 1498

Vasco Nunez de Balboa 1475 - 1519

• Sights the Pacific Ocean in 1513 after crossing Isthmus of Panama

Ferdinand Magellan 1480 -1521

• Sailed for Spain, first to circumference the globe(3 years), died in Philippines. 

Ptolemy 90 - 168: Geocentric 

Copernicus 1473 - 1543: Heliocentric 

Queen Elizabeth I 1533 - 1603

• Daughter of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn
• Ruled for 45 years, '33 ~ '58.
• Spanish Armada was the greatest threat and greatest military victory

Spanish Armada 1588

• 150 ships -> 65 return to Libson.
• 25K soldiers and sailors.
• Defeated by English Channel Weather
• Victory proved to be the beginning of English expansion and end of French domination

Sir Walter Raleigh 1552 - 1618

• English poet and adventurer
• Brought back tobacco and potatoes
• Led 2 expansions in search of El Dorado in 1594 and 1616

Sir Francis Drake 1545 - 1596

• English seaman and navigator
• Started as pirate, raided Spanish treasure
• Captured 2 ships worth $15 million
• Made 2nd circumference in 1580
• Knighted by Queen Elizabeth in 1581

John Milton 1608 - 1674

• English Poet
• Paradise Lost (Rebellion of Lucifer and fall of Adam and Eve)

Galileo Galilei 1564 - 1642

• Father of Modern Astr.
• Discovered 4 moons and Jupiter 

Isaac Newton 1543 - 1642

• English mathematician and scientist
• Described 3 Laws of Motion
• Invented reflecting telescope
• Universal gravitation

Gotta catch up.

Soooo cold. Threw full on sweats to bear against the cold. Each classes went by pretty quick except government since I had left my textbook at home. I can't seem to find my Genki II book either. Found out that I need to read Chapters 8 and 9, do the online quizzes, as well as the notes for it since we have an exam on Friday. Gah. I thought since we're doing the essay that we're not doing the chapters for a while. Crap. Gotta study the Glycolysis, CAC, and ECT as well for AP Bio. Mmm. Running a bit behind in TD as well so I stayed back today for sewing club. Starting on the pillow rug thing, although I have no idea how to start it since she didn't show me and if she did it was two years ago. Mikeo says that I still kind of live in the past. I don't get how I am? Just because I like to reminisce doesn't mean anything. Yes, at times I do dwell and hope to change things but I don't have that power. Looking back, I am able to learn from the past events and sometimes it's just nice to look back. To analyze the situation from a different perspective, from a different person. Plus, memories don't change when people do. He may have change but who he use to be can't be changed and it's just nice looking back and smiling at the memories. I'm still living. I steer clear of dancers, and things that were a red flag in the past relationship but I also take along what I treasured - the feelings of being loved and wanting to love someone. I feel like I slipped a bit too much during this looong weekend. Got lots of catching up to do! Wish I could work more as well to obtain more cash but Wei's only needs mornings since I already have the weekends covered and ugh. Sonic is poo poo if I work on weeknights since pay is low and duties are high. I dunno, I just get lazy because I tend to get held behind often. With Wei's when it's time to go I just grab dinner and go but I usually try to find something to do before I leave. Oh well, time to get ready for bed.

Drama Llama.

When I thought everything was going smoothly. I was doing great in school, my circle of friends is tightly knitted, my relationship with my parents were better than usual, and I started exercising/working on my body then boom, shit happens. Tension and drama happens with Ami and them. They dislike Dudley because Ami does everything for him and forgoes everything because of him. They don't see him fit for her and because she's willing to do things for him that she usually makes a grump about for them. Aaaaand not to mention Asian traditions, standards, and perspective. Everything blows up and the next morning she packs up all her clothes, hair things, and "runs away" while parents are at work or you could call it moving out in a huff without them knowing. Parents are piss and trying to find a way to retaliate with methods they were trying to do in getting rid of Dudley as well - but they knew that she's madly in love with him so there's really nothing to stop the two from getting together. I dunno why everything blew up but I also don't know why she's so into him either. He's a good guy and all but having to do everything just becomes a drag if he can't do anything for you and you're constantly going out of the way for him when he doesn't do the same for you. I understand that she can't leave him though because they've been together for so long and just waking up one day without the person feels empty and aches. Parents are furious, especially mom. What irks me is that they turned on me and started provoking me when I'm trying to avoid WWIII and do my homework! Asking me in a mocking tone if I'm gonna leave too out of nowhere when I'm trying to hide in a corner and zone them out. Then my mom tries to force Ami's arranged marriage on me, wtf? In the beginning she was like Ami, then me, then Ami, now me? No. If you want me to do it then just have me do it from the beginning - don't jump back and forth. I don't mind doing it, just don't be wishy washy. Pick another dude and say that's your fiance, I won't argue. Just be solid with your decision. Then she goes to warn me in a threatening tone that I better not date or fall in love out of nowhere and I'm like what? First off, I've been through this before with everybody - education is my priority. I'm not gonna date - at least not this year for sure. After what I've been through with Corey, I'm laying off dating and love for a looooong time. Not because I'm waiting for him to one day realize that "Oh, I was wrong in the way I treated her. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I still love her." and I'll still be waiting in the corner with a heart shaped box of chocolate and flowers. Waiting and waiting for his favor. Screw that, I'm over that phase! Letting my grades slip, withering away to a shameful state, and attempting suicide? I've been through hell and back because of him and there's no way I'm going back to that. If someday, we both heal and become different people who fall for each other then it'll happen. If not well then it happens. Highly doubt it though considering what we've been through and the sour note we left off on. Can I seriously not get any clearer than: "NO. I DO NOT WANT TO DATE. MY EDUCATION, LIFE, AND CAREER IS MY PRIORITY."? Telling me that you don't care if I leave as well isn't going to make you feel better nor will it help the situation. By being a dick and pulling me into the situation just makes me want to leave as well and then you won't have anyone to translate, fill out papers, help Alexander and Andi with their homework and conferences and among other things. 

Haunted WOF.

Went to WOF's on Saturday around 3PM. Cleaned my room and woke up Andi since it was already 1PM yet everybody was jet lagged. Grabbed sonic before heading into the park and funny thing is that the one we went to had a limit of 2 coupons per order. Wtf? We never have that. Rode the Timber Wolf and oh my gosh. I thought my glasses were gonna fall off so I had to cover my face to keep them from falling. While we were in line, this one old dude kept invading Michelle's personal bubble by pushing his beer belly all up on her. I tried to win myself a pokemon plushie but I only managed to pop 2 balloons each time. Blew $60 but I still couldn't get it. Drats! Waited a little over an hour for London Terror which was okay. My favorite part was when the lady asked if someone wanted to see her baby which popped up out of it's stroller. Afterwards we waited 3 hours for the Insane Asylum. Megan and I both got a couple of good screams out of that haha. Wish we could've gone to the Cornstalks but it was already 11:30PM or so after we got done with the asylum. 

Started my first day at Wei's today. It was pretty shaky in the beginning but I managed to get a hold of it after a couple of hours. Some of the servers got frustrated with me because well, I'm new and I messed up and I wasn't as fast as they would like I suppose. Angela, the boss, praised that I'm doing well. She likes me more than the other girl who started which I have no clue who that is or what she looks like since there's only one hostess at a time. Said that we're both nice and sweet girls but she likes the way I work. Sigh, gotta get everything down! The duties really aren't that much nor is the workload of having to run around and do some many stressful things at once like at Sonic but there's no sitting down to cheap, no way of sneaking out my phone. I get paid every Sunday and free meals though so I can't complain. Saw Kevin on my way home from Sonic and we chatted for a moment which surprised me cause we were being civilized - not the awkward kind either. Eh.

Notes

-Before 11:15AM, only seat sections C and D.

-Sunday is all day dinner.

-Kids 3-12 write down their age, 13 and up write as adults.

- Section C can only hold up to 4 guests.

- Sections B and D have 2 servers.

- Guest ratio AC - BD 1:2

-After 2:15, each section only has 1 server each so AB - 1, CD - 1. 1:1

-Before 11: sweep upfront, wipe the doors and front windows and fish tank, metal bars, set out the carpet out in the front.

-Seniors, just write SR at the bottom and write the # of seniors.

-Guy's server # is 6.

Abbr.:

Pepsi - P

DP - Diet Pepsi

DDr.P - Diet Dr. Pepper

DP - Dr. Pepper

Sierra Mist - S

Root Beer - RB

Lemonade - L

Fruit Punch - FP

Mountain Dew - MD

Hot Tea - HT

Ice Tea - T

Fanta - Fan

Orange Juice - OJ

Apple Juice - AJ

Milk - Milk

Coffee- Coffee

Chocolate Milk - C Milk

Budweizer - Bus

Bud Light - BL

Corona

Last Day

Very odd dream last night. First off I was in this company building run and owned by Indians. I was walking up these white stairs when all of a sudden these maniacs with chainsaws and drills came rushing out of nowhere, massacring people. I escaped and in my neighborhood trying to get home when these construction people try to kill me. The guy with a chainsaw spared me since I saved his son from harm while the one with a drill kept chasing me. The guy with a chainsaw apologized that he couldn't interfere with the other dude but only stop pursuing me. Ran into this huge room or auditorium. The kizuna members were there and trying to hide from the maniacs going on a rampage. They managed to barge in and setting off weapons. Emily poured fake blood all over herself to pretend she was dead and I was thinking to myself "Gah, I need some!" The maniacs were pretty psycho, some were even dressed up as clowns. Then somehow I ended up in the ER or something? Corey was in the lobby and he was wearing a plain white t-shirt sitting in one of the chairs - waiting it seems? I came up and touched his hair, stroking it and asking how school is, commented on his hair. I haven't seen photos of him or him in person in like 5 months. I don't want to see him or things about him because I know if I give into that temptation I will be unhappy in what I find out. The mind games and hallucinations would start all over. There was a strange yet strong urge to reach out and take his face into my hands and caress it. I'm not sure why? I just wanted to reach out and hold his face close to my heart. Sooooo freakin' weird huh?

Tim made me go to 151st to pick up creamer for coffee and I could not find the entrance since there was construction in widening the roads and changing lanes. They blocked off all possible entrances so I had to park at the church behind Sonic and walk over like a creeper. Chatted with Krystal for a bit then headed out. Today was overall a slow day but still made a good $30 even with covering for some customers' orders and they were short on money but eh that's okay. Had to pick between a girls' night or date night. Ended up being told that I had to pick up parents - ended up not picking up anyways. Can't wait to see my cheongsam and doreamon tomorrow! ^^

Conferences.

Woke up at six and got ready to be at work by 7AM when Tim called me at freakin' 6:56AM and told me to come in at 9AM instead. What the poop? I had my make up done, uniform on, and heading out the door. Gah. Wiped off my make up and stripped, jumped into bed and napped for 30ish minutes heh. Chloe texted me to come in for training at 7:30PM and not have to worry about having to work tonight. Yes! Got off around 5PM and drove Ryan home. Changed outta sonic uniform and into a presentable appearance, did my make up and pinned up my hair. Wasn't sure if I needed to tie it since I'm a host but still in a food area? Went to conferences. The people who held on the grades wouldn't give me my report card because my parents had to be there - pffft. I went and took it up with Mr. Kersey and he vouched for me. Don't get why he had to? All my teachers were shocked when I showed up by myself to do my own conferences haha. Mr. Collins even asked if I was living on my own already but all of them were impressed with my responsibility in coming to my own conferences without an adult and worrying about my education. Mr. Collins said that I'm actually the second student he's ever had to do that in the 40 years he's teached to come to their own conferences by themselves. I guess I'm a rare one aye? Sensei praised me on my diligence, commented that I'm trying more than I did last year and it shows - in helping out others and learning independently. Gah, it's nice getting praised so well by others and having your effort noticed. Finally recovered my honor roll from last year's slip. Can I get a booayh? Met Angela, the boss - really pretty and nice. Asked me if I was Chinese and spoke a few phrases and I understood! Woot for basic phrases haha. The workload seems pretty simple, hopefully I get everything down fast! Went over to Cobe's and watched a movie. There's some more stuff - but it's all emotional girly stuff so I think I'll write in my diary tonight. :)

By the way, I feel like what we have right now is true budding love. Don't you agree?

Cơn mưa, đã xoá hết những ngày yêu qua

The rain has erased all of the loving days of the past
Chỉ còn mình anh ngu ngơ

There's only me and you ignorant
Mong cho cơn mưa tan trong yêu thương không vội vã

Hoping that the rain doesn't dissolve our love too quickly
Tan trong yêu thương không vội vã.

Don't (love) disperse in a hurry

Mưa ngoan, giấu hết những phút thẫn thờ này

Calm rain, hiding all of the pain

Thương em đi giữa đêm lạnh

Love me, lonely nights
Khoảng trời một mình

All by myself
Bỏ lại tình mình theo làn mây.

Leaving our love to the moving clouds

Tìm về ngày yêu ấy

Find the love from the past
Cũng trong chiều mưa này

Sheltering from the rain
Mình đã gặp nhau, lạnh bờ vai

We had met, wet and cold
Nhưng tim vẫn cười.

But our hearts smiled

Giờ vẫn chiều mưa ấy

This afternoon, it's raining
Em nép trong vòng tay ai?

Whose arms shall I shelter in?
Anh chỉ lặng im

You just stay silent
Đôi hàng mi nhẹ rung cho tim anh bật khóc.

My eyelashes flutter as my heart suddenly cries for him

[ĐK:]
Đã qua rồi, qua khoảnh khắc đôi mình

Gone, our moments are gone
Nói tiếng yêu ngập ngừng

Hesitating to say any loving words
Rồi nhẹ nhàng đặt lên môi hôn

Softly placed his upon my lips
Cho anh quên đi lạnh giá.
Let him forget the coldness

Vỡ tan rồi, anh chẳng nói nên lời

Already shattered, he doesn't say a word
Mưa rơi xé tan bóng hình

The rain will wash away the illusion
Vì giờ này em quay đi 

By this time I turn away
Welcome to Yeucahat.com
Buông tay anh trong chiều giá lạnh.

Letting go of his hand in this cold rain

[Bridge:]
Khi, cơn mưa cuốn hết nỗi đau ấy

The rain will wash away the pain
Anh sẽ quên, những yêu thương

He will forget the love
Anh viết riêng cho em

He set aside for me
Khi, cầu vồng lên sau cơn bão giông

The rainbow will shine after this thunderstorm
Anh sẽ đi qua yêu thương

He will walk past this love
Không còn vấn vương.

And not linger.

Senior Outing.

Didn't go to senior outing today, instead I stayed in bed until noon heh. Laid in bed and read Chinese fairy tales on my phone for a bit. Spent a good couple of hours cleaning my shelf and room until Cobe came over with ice cream for our Swordsman marathon. Spent a good 4-5 hours on the episodes. Ami came home in between with her big ass projector that they use in school for no reason. We don't have parties nor are we hard core movie people lol. Went to Applebees afterwards and waited an hour or so for Ami and Dudley to come and when they did we had all finished and paid and we all just went home. I gotta say today was a good day overall with Cobe. Goin' to work at Sonic by 7AM and getting off around probably 4:30PM then starting work right away at Wei's until 8PM. That's like a 13 hour shift if not more if I get held back, oh boy. 

False alarm.

Went in and the doctor found that my teeth had moved when Dr. Jeremy took out my lower wire. I knew something was wrong when I flossed and I didn't hear that click. Sigh. Another month. Guess I won't be a sexy goddess when I become legal aye? Tis okay! It'll be all worth it once I get em off and my smile is perfect, no flaws! Need to brush up on extra reading in AP Bio and study for the time writing which I need to make up. Need to start on my teen pregnancy and poverty essay for government. Got a new seating chart in Japanese through this really wacky mario kart game. Gah, I'm so far away from Conor and Mikeo and anybody I would usually bug lolol. My beanies finally arrived in the mail today! Been waiting for so long. Gah! Gonna do a review on them later. Now I'm just waiting on 3 other orders to arrive. Sigh. My orientation got pushed from today to Thursday, then starting work on Sunday at Wei's. Working at Sonic this week on Thursday and Friday. Goin' to WOF with the girls on Saturday. Picking up parents and siblings on Friday night. Donny wants me to join the temple's camping event this Sunday but eh. 

Last night's dream: Dreamt I was back in one of the auntie's hotels again. I was sharing a room with Di Van and Uncle Pedro. I went through this door and somehow I ended up at Josh's house in Gardener? He had a bunch of puppies and all these play pens set up and child safety gates/block that parents use for their little ones. His house theme was like yellow and green like lemon lime. His grandpa lived with him too and was in the kitchen. I was crawling or rolling around on the carpet? Corey was there too. Their faces were blurred out along with their bodies so I could only see the silhouettes. Not sure what this dream meant? 

Flashback. :)

One more day.

Woke up around 7:30AM, still made it to school within' 15 minutes! I am a beeeast! Made some productivity in AP-TD today with my best but it still gets air bubbles which pisses me off. Like a souffle there can be no flaw! Cleaned and did chores in AP Ceramics. Took my AP Gov't test during my AP-Bio and came in after school to make up the class. Very confusing huh. During Japanese, we just watched Howl's Moving Castle since sensei was in collaboration with the other senseis. I literally fell asleep since all the lights were off. Wish I had my little wacky creature with me so I could use it as a pillow. Slept for a good 35 minutes and spent the rest of the time just laying on the floor and watched the movie. Came home and just chilled, did some of the AP Bio stuff but I still need to read the textbook for extra credit. Need to get off my butt and stop missing class and start working on assignments and getting ahead of the game. Then again, I'm missing class again tomorrow hehe. Can't wait to get these little knit knacks off. Going into Wei's after school as well for an interview I guess? Even though I already got the job.

Wei's?

This heart is not a mine, in it's place is a void filled with conflict, secrets, and pain harbored from prior years. The past is present and the present is not here,where lies are truths, wrongs are right and right is wrong. This mind is broken and torn. Where love is a word used often without feeling, where sorry is like candy, handed out to everyone and and please and thank you's are scarcely found. A smile is just a hidden frown. Here, it is possible to drown in my tears. To hide and live in my fears where I can get stabbed by pain. Here you may be, but no one cares about you or me. Where reactions. no matter the type, is good in everyone's mind for it is all worth it to satisfy the evil in their eyes. This heart is not mine. I am broken like the walls of my heart's chamber. Hidden within the walls are unspoken truths and pain. One day I will break through the walls, the layers of pain, and with my freedom I will fly away. For the rest of my life I will never look back. The the past will be the past and the future will be real and my life will be mine. 

The past is like the wind. Infatuation is difficult to understand. Using wine as to escape yet I can't escape the misty memories lingering by my side.The candlelight throws shadows, but it can't show your face. Still alone, I only see you. The night wind is already so cold, memories of the past seem like dreams.My heart seems frozen, how can I endure knowing you but not meeting you? I can't bear this heartache, I can't bear the fact that our love is already like the wind. Long ago I planted nine hundred ninety-nine roses for you. From the day we broke up, nine hundred ninety-nine roses withered, I'm already emaciated. A hundred thousand oaths  extinguished with the flowers. 

Made it on time to work this morning, yay! Finally wore pants too instead of just short, grabbed a jacket too since it was brisk. Later on in the day it got so freakin' hot I had to take off my jacket and I wanted to strip too. Apparently the heater wasn't on either so it was just us getting heated up in there. Nathan came in a bit before happy hour while I was asleep on the boxes hehe. Asked if I wanted to go Go-Karting with him, Ryan, and Meg later tonight but I declined. Already broke and gotta study tonight as well. Oh yeah, I got a job offer at Wei's! Going in on Tuesday to meet the owner and starting on Friday. Got irritated earlier and it was late. Went biking for a bit in short shorts and a t-shirt. Yeeeah, wasn't a good idea. I feel like a cold is gonna creep up on me. Parents and siblings are coming home this week as well! Finally get my hands on the cheongsam and doreamon, he he. Oh yeeeeeah. Gonna get something else this week as well, ahem. BE PREPARED TO SEE A NEW SMILE BEEEEETCHES. Jk. Just excited.