JNHS

Love is a concoction consisting of oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, and endorphins.

People need to realize that unless you're in the relationship - STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT. Keep your god damn filthy mouth shut as well. Nothing irks me more than when people stick their Pinocchio nose into my business, bile spewing all over the place. Whether it be reprimanding or simple defense for my partner, shut the fuck up. You're not apart of it. You don't know what goes on behind doors nor do you know the emotions and thoughts exchanged between the two people. The more people worm their way into my matters, the more I get pissed off. I will treat my partner however the way I want. Hence, they're mine for a reason. If I can't be myself around them than there's no point in being tied down. I'd rather be independent and free, hold my middle fingers to the crowd and give a big ol'e fuck you. You only see what I want others to see, you don't see the other things. So, I suggest you to shut your stinkin' mouth before I punch your face in.

Black and yellow.

Motivate.

Received my new PP in the mail. Woot! Can't wait to get this baby all marked up. They confiscated my old one, it was filled with all sorts of countries such as Japan, Vietnam, Singapore, S. Korea, ect. Sad face! But at least I'll be ready to head back in the winter for my surgery. Before I was always depressed and hesitant because originally I wanted to bring him back with me to visit my country but now I'm whatever. I'm gonna go back, shop until I drop, eat like a fatass, and become beautiful. I basically have a job guaranteed while I'm there because I'll be a receptionist, interpreter for foreign customers - can I get a booyah? Got no friends? That's okay, I'll just make random friends on the streets and risk getting abducted trololol. My corrected W2 form hasn't arrived in the mail and I'm getting antsy. The payroll and HR haven't called me back even though I've left 2 voice mails already. Sigh, stupid matters. Started on acrylic today. Didn't do too bad for my first time! I gotta say, I'm going pretty fast in the chapters and the seniors are noticing it too. I don't think I am? I finish each chapter within' two days and start on a new one on the third day so each chapter gets completed within' two days. Should be moving onto UV gels tomorrow. Excited! I know how to do all the advance techniques before even hitting the floor so I'll have time to perfect my skills plus I got nail art under my belt already hehe. I will succeed. I already have certain credits obtained for college, I'm in a trading school so I'll have a trade to finance me while I attend college, I am fluent in English and Vietnamese; efficient in Japanese while still knowing basic Chinese, I know how to be a house wife as well. I have brains, looks, and skills - to make money. What more could a man ask? I have assets and skills that are beyond rare. I swear, if I was a mail bride I'd have to at least bring in +80k but then again I'd be making more than that annually so no thanks. Yeah yeah, I sound conceited but a girl's gotta reevaluate her value plus it helps boost the esteem teehee.

A pink world.

Spent my Easter takin' photos, minus going to the movies for Captain America. Felt like a major fatso, chowing down on extra buttered popcorn and large drinks since I usually try not to snack while watching movies. Bad for metabolism. Towards the end when Steve Rogers fell into the lake, Alex sat there sobbing because he thought Captain America died. Haha, so cute. 

Mama and Ami talked about my past, didn't really bother me but it seems like everyone is silently rooting and wanting the past to repeat itself. Uncle and dad be talkin' about it too but I usually just brush it off. Been having some crazy, wild dreams lately as well. I think it might be because of the silly things the family say that wander in to my mind. What happened happened, it's water under the bridge and we're both better off, no? He seems happy and I'm moving on and accomplishing things in life. :)

Been getting along well at night school, get a bit distracted on some nights because I get caught up in girl talk from time to time. I counted up my hours, been keeping track of hours too but in the computer it said I had 27 when I know for sure I have 34.5. What the poop? 

Bella Dream;

One of the dreams I had the night before. I ended up with a little girl of 9 months, she had the classic black bob with bangs. I usually dressed her in yellow to orange clothes and clipped her fringe up with a bobby pin like how I would with my own. I had a feeling that she was related to them in some way but I tried my best to ignore it and hide the fact from her. I called her the baby until she could speak. One day, while she was crouching near the bathroom door downstairs, near the laundry room. She said her full name was Isabella Marie K-. I cut her off. I told her her name was Bella and that's that. I picked her up and rocked her back and forth like how one might for babies around 6 months or so. I'd never let her walk really. I mostly picked her up and carried her, rocked her to soothe her as well even when she wasn't cranky. Whenever she wandered too far from me I'd get an unsettling feeling inside. Then I took her back to our Vietnam vacation. The aunts and I went to a bar-club social. Uncle was bring Alex, Andi, and Bella over later. I sat at this bar and these guys all tried to get up on me. Pissed me to no end. I got up and chewed out their ass out like "What the fuck are you doing you nasty mutha fucker. Nobody wants your dick so get the hell away from me ect". Then when Bella arrived, she didn't seem to be having much fun even with the balloons and magic trick(one of the guys tried to make up by doing magic tricks) so I picked her up and took her to a water park. The kids sprayed her with water guns and I got worried that she might get sick so I picked her up as usual and rocked her even though she was 4 by then. Some boy in a blue tank said something about her shoulder blades being uneven and I just put him on full blast. I screamed at all the kids, how they're prejudice, racists pricks who will never get anywhere in life and that their shoulders were inverted? I don't even know but I was so piss. I was so mean in my dream in general yet so protective and nurturing as well heh.

Meeting Dream;

It started out normal. I was attending another night school at some community college that was over a hill. I had to walk up hill to get to it after parking my red accord. I had to pass a temple sort of thing as well. I remember swimming in a co-ed onsen. The water was clear but more yellow from the fluorescent light. As I pass the shrine on my way home, I looked at the pin board. In the left side, approximately in the middle of upper corner were two photos. They were more of photo strips but not quite. In one of the photos was his face in the background. He wasn't looking at the camera. It was more like he was just passing through, kind of just there. I took both photos even though he was in just one and shoved it into my bag. I don't know why I did. I rushed out of there. There as a feeling of fear, anxiety, anxiousness, and excitement. I'm not sure how to explain it? Butterflies maybe? Not sure why there would be. The next day going to class, I tried my best to try to avoid and pass by quickly but as I climbed up the hill I bumped into him. He had light caramel hair. He didn't look like how he does right now but more like how he did in the past. There was an angelic aura in the air, all dreamy and white. I sound like some stupid fan girl, wth? He was wearing jeans and a white, red plaid shirt. I smiled and waved hesitantly. He politely smiled back too. He walked behind me in silence and that was pretty much it. Not sure what that part of the dream meant? It's probably something to do with mom and Ami saying something silly the other day about how my eyes sparkle when he's mentioned or how my voice goes soft when I say his name. Just stupid matters that got my mind thinking silly matters. ( - _ - );

Night two.

Came home, showered, and filled up my tank before heading to class. Went to school all on my own without anyone. Yay! I'm growing up haha. Notice that it takes me ~30 minutes to get there even with rush hour and I usually get there 30 minutes early as well. Reviewed Ch. 13 and got a hot oil mani - more like a hot lotion but merp. Did my first basic mani on one of the senior cosmos. Had a pretty swift night tonight. Was a bit nervous driving home than when I drove to school since it was dark and I hadn't exactly remember all the road names. Didn't make any wrong turns until I was on the old high way. It was dark and I was trying to dodge the opposite incoming traffic so I just hugged the white left line then I ended up in the turn left turn only lane. Oops heh. Had to back out and merp it was just a docking site for semi trucks. Still made it home in time as usual because I'm a girl hehe or it's at night and I'm tired and I'm a hermit trololol. 

But omg scariest thing happened tonight. The road right after KS RD, next to the QT, I thought I heard a growl behind me and it freaked me out so much. I had a mini heart attack so bad. There were flashing light in front of me too so I was nervous. I was like shit, do I still go forward? Turns out it was an ambulance out of a house. Had this white SUV follow me all the way from OLP to my neighborhood, that sketched me out real good too. But yes, today was overall exciting and scary. G'night.

First night of night class.

Brought my whole bag and case and all that nice stuff..but I forgot my textbooks. Oopsies! Hehe. Went to the mandatory meeting, left early, came to school. Did orientation, went through the first chapter in the textbook with the instructor. Bought my smock, and got my first mani. Came home around 10ish. So tired. Skipped school this morning since I was so sick last night from food poisoning - ugh. My face looked so pale and yellow, it ain't even funny. I looked gross and horrid but too lazy to slap on make up.

Lookin' super excited, but I was actually pretty nerve wrecking!

Unhappy.

Maybe I'm stressed
maybe I'm moody
maybe I'm cranky

I don't know but I just can't seem to be content. Agitated everyday no matter how hard I try to turn it into a good one. Sad enough that I get that feeling just when you're about to cry but too angry to let the tears fall.

It's been a hard couple of days.