Saturday, November 30, 2013

Roasting Marshmellow.

Got a splinter in my hand yesterday, a metal one too and there was no tweezers either! I just sat on my butt for like 5 minutes, cutting open the skin and kept squeezing and pinching to push the splinter out. Finally got it far out enough that I could pull it out with my nails. Woot! Ended up cutting my finger at work today, had to bandaged it up and still had blood seeping through the bandage. Yay. Mikeo came up with the Chinese food that I mentioned last night, surprise, even though I had already ate twice at work. Oops. It was pretty nice of him, even though I forgot about it heh. Everybody asked if he was my boyfriend, once again. All the dudes that come up here and are my friend - all my coworkers and managers call them my boyfriend and it's like no! I will say when they're my boyfriend or not and you'll most likely see a peck or two hehe. Work was so-so, tips were pooy. Went to Kat's birthday party afterwards, had daddy take me because I just can and not too keen on driving. Had to drive to work this morning and swerved in the beginning because I saw a  dead baby squirrel. Drove 5 under the limit too, worst than usual. Sat in my car for a good 5 minutes trying to figure out how to turn on my lights too - it's been that long since I've drove my car, wow. Anyways, heading off to bed for 8AM shift. G'night all! 
Made s'mores at Kat's.

Friday, November 29, 2013

Grateful.

I know I'm a bit late on this whole sheebang but I was feeling pretty down yesterday. Ended up just laying in under the covers and cuddle with Andi. Didn't get on my laptop to blog about anything, just wasn't really into technology. Just wanted to lay there and curl up. Roasted the turkey and made mash potatoes the other day so I just made Korean Tuna Sandwich the other day, Maangchi version. Came out very delicious, even if I put more onion than cucumber, oops. Andi and Alex went crazy over it, guess I'll make some more later in the future if I have tuna! Might add more eggs than stated and get some leafy greens as well. Woke up at 7AM even though my shift started at 8AM, an hour early instead of the usual 20 minutes before heh. Had dad take me to work as well since I didn't want to drive at all. Had him pick me up as well. Asked if I had my license on to I could drive but of course I didn't because I didn't want to drive at all. The weather was pretty nice and the tips were so so for me or so I thought. Made $30 before happy hour, walked home with a little over $50. Sweet! Heard that all the goodies got passed out on Wednesday and the tips were good too. Wtf. Gah, I missed out! But I didn't go of course because my mindset was pretty shaken from Tuesday and my dad didn't want me to go. Maybe I can somehow get a Sonic scrunchy or light up badge. Didn't do any Black Friday because there isn't anything I want, plus I don't wanna get trampled again like last year. Trying to save as well. 

Alrighty, now onto my list. I'm thankful that I'm alive. To sit here and be breathing, hearing my siblings and uncle laughing and screaming in the background about Uno. To reminisce back on old memories, of how much love I was shown by him and his family. Glad that I'm still friends with and still in contact with a majority of my former boyfriends. Thankful for a job that provides spending money, which also introduced me to two of my closest friends ever. Grateful for the people who continue to support and love me, especially a little Mexican look a like. For parents who immigrated to an unknown country for a better future for my sister and I. For all the adversities I've been through, for the haters, the lovers, family and friends, and experiences. It makes me who I am today and I'm just glad to be alive and not a worse person than I could be.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Day before T-gives.

 Woke up around 9AM today, had a major headache that kept pounding until late afternoon even with 10 hours of sleep. Still had a lack of appetite. Had an odd dream as well. I was traveling or part of this group where everybody had powers. There was a good and bad side. There were those who could shape shift or animals who could shape shift into humans. I think one of the dogs ate one of the small dogs. Scary. I was in this huge school, in the auditorium I believe. A presenation was going on and they had the blue stage light on. One of the bad guys set fire in the backroom. I ran around trying to gather things to bring it out because the items were important to my group. Very important. I saw the culprit from the other side of the room, walking towards the exit. I tried to conjure up a blue fireball to blast at him but it took me a while muster it up. I didn't quiet know how to control my powers either. At times they were erratic and other times I couldn't muster up enough quickly. Yeah, very frustrating. Began roasting the turkey, a bit too fast in the beginning. The directions said to set to 500F but I thought that was a bit too high so I lowered it by 450. Dad came home and said that was way too high and set it to 350. I think I've figured out white people's turkey problems. They try cooking it too fast with high heat. Guess I'll do it on lower heat from now on even if it takes longer. Added garlic into it as well. The skin really wasn't sweet and caramelized like how I'd hope. A bit sour even. How and why? The skin was a bit try by the cavities but that's probably because of when I set the temperature at 450. Perhaps I brushed too much butter or honey on it? Maybe I'll try seasoning it with herbs next year. Today's mostly been a day of figuring things out with the other side and insurance people. Worked a bit on the purple scarf but nothing big. Felt like being pretty even in my PJS so on came the cosmetic products. Finally tried out the Holika Holika Pore Cleaning BB Cream with Tea Tree Oil. It smells absolutely blissful! It has a nice, mature, light fragrance, but not strong. I noticed that with SPF +30, the formula was pretty dry for my skin because I could see flakes, bad! It also has a more tannish finish than pale as well. I think it would be more suited for my skin in the summer because of the heat and all the sweaty, stickiness while the Skin 79 Super Blemish BB Cream is more suited for me in the winter since it has a hydrating, dewy finish that would keep my skin moisturized in the cold, dry winter. Gonna try out some more Skin 79 BB Cream if I can help it. Thinking of trying the gold, and pearl one. Heard diamond is pretty shimmery and doesn't provide much coverage as the Super Blemish or the gold one. Those are valid purchases, no? Cosmetics is essential for a girl, even if I wear it about 50 out of the 365 days. Just no more hair products nor fat burning masks, until I strike the lottery heh. Camera whored in the bathroom and my siblings sat in there as well since nobody else was home and they were scared to go downstairs by themselves. Alex playing minecraft while Andi watched Ponyland, and I applying make-up on while still in my PJs. An odd sight indeed. My dad and uncle didn't question my sudden action as well.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Hit.

Way to start off my morning, even woke up early and started the car early to warm it up. Only to get hit less than 5 feet from the school. Just my luck. Lost my front, left head light and a long scratch on the side door. The other car's door is knocked outta place and has scratches too. Got a couple of nicks and cuts on my hands but nothing major. My whole body is achy and sore but there's no major visible injuries. Stressed out the whole day, cried all the way until midday. Lost my appetite, just in time for Thanksgiving too. Yay. Not sure how I'm gonna get around. Not too keen in driving too. It took my over 6 months to even get behind the wheel after the accident with Corey. I still got scared even after the longest time because I would hold onto my seat and grip since I was afraid of getting hit again and always remind him to slow down. I use to go out of the lane or stop when a car approached even though they had to stop because of a stop sign or red light but it still scared me. Took me forever to not be afraid, what am I gonna do now? On to a new topic, I was able to postpone my AP BIO test since I was clearly not able to take it with the mindset I was in. Not sure how other people get into these kind of things and not cry or get flustered. During government, one of the guys in the class fell since the desk was broken. Funny moment I guess.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Monday.

I just realized how much weight I've gained from 90 LB(40 kg) to 110(52kg). Damn. I mean yeah my BMI was under what it should have been and it was unhealthy but I wanna go back to being that thin again. Building muscle is pretty difficult since it's so cold outside so I can't bike and I'm not much of a treadmill person. Didn't read nor studying worth poop for AP BIO timed writing nor for AP Government. Still passed with a B on the exam in Government, booyah. Not sure what I got in AP BIO but I'm sure it's at least a mid B. Apparently the festival power point wasn't due until tomorrow yet I stayed up last night to study and put it all together. Threw on my senior hoodie with the tights I got from Japan which are super thick. Everyone thought I was wearing yoga pants which I don't even know what they are? Everyone supposedly thought I looked pretty cute. How odd, I guess yoga pants and boots make girls automatically cute lol. We were given time during class to work on it, I just messed around with Conor and jacked with his shit heh. Went out for dinner with my cutie poo. Saw John at his first day of work, awh.

My jawlin looks decent from the side but it still looks pretty short from the front. Gah. How to reverse the v-line effect?

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Hamlet,

Stayed up until late midnight to see how'd his first day of work went even though I had to be up by 6AM to open. Pretty irked that the first thing that came out of his mouth is that he's tired and he's going to sleep. Should've saved myself the trouble of shaking off the sleepiness for hours to wait for him to get off only to get brushed off. Worked a 10 freakin' cold hour shift with less than 6 hours of sleep then right after work went to dinner with the girls in my stinkin' uniform and to BVSW for the Hamlet play even though I had originally planned to go to OSHS's Hairspray. It was really difficult understanding what was going on since the dialogue was completely old English and I wasn't familiar with the story line either. There was a lot of onstage kissing, a bit too much that I didn't get what the excess kissing adds to the storyline? Whatever, tired and heading off to bed because I am not waiting up for anyone anymore. Save myself the trouble and get the sleep I've deprived myself of.

Friday, November 22, 2013

Housewife.

Before, I never really cared about being feminine. I wore what I liked and got lost in books but ever since him I wanted to be a girl he could be proud of. Working on my cooking skills, to perfect dishes and pastries for him. Practicing my sewing and knitting, just any maternal or feminine skills. I just wanted to be a good wife/mother in the future for him. It was pretty silly huh. But hey with all the skills I've acquired because of my desire to please him, I've raised my worth in other people's eyes as well! Being multilingual, hard working, and friendly wins many brownie points in other adults' eyes and they seem to genuinely like me. Yay. Had a dream of him a couple of days ago. Nothing big but I dreamt that I was on FB and somehow he was on my newsfeed? His status was blank yet he had roughly 126 likes. I was like, wtf? But I also felt kind of empty. Werrrd.

Went on a crazy yarn spree tonight, realized that I could've gotten the same yarn from Wal-Mart instead of Hobby Lobby for cheaper. Wtf. Gah. Going to Wal-Mart tomorrow to get some more yarn even though I already have 8 rolls of yarn already. Don't think I'll go back this summer since parents are forcing me, think I'll just focus on nail school with Jas. Plus, if I get my surgery and come back for school I won't be able to study the books or deal with the chemicals and powder. 
Cried a bit while reading this because it relates to me so well. I'm still at the stage where my heart is locked away in selfishness, unwilling to give anyone my heart.
Volcanic mask that I tried out. Apparently it's suppose to be only for your nose area to get rid of zitz, whiteheads, ect but to my dismay when i peeled it off there was nothing. No fun in ripping it off if you don't see any gunk!
Think I'm going to stop using the v-line product. It's making my face/jawline shorter, not digging the new look! In the process of knitting two scarves. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Gambling, writing assessment.

Finished with in an an under an hour with half an hour left. Woot.

Linh Dieu Lam
 
#
 
#
 
Grade 12  Hour 1
 
Gambling is Not an Effective Way to Raise State Revenue
 
Stress if a part of life, how an individual deals with it is something different. Another topic that stresses young individuals is education. Whether it is because classes are difficult or there are not enough resources to fund the class. In lotteries, a percentage of the money collected goes to education. It sounds like a good deal for both the gambler and schools but it is not what it makes out to be. Lotteries are not an effective way of raising revenue for education but should not be outlawed. Schools do not benefit from the lottery revenues as some may think, rather gambling is a way for the individual to seek pleasure.
The revenue from lotteries do not expand districts’ fund. Some people think “with lottery money flowing to education” the schools funds would have increased significantly but what they do not realize is that often times “state legislatures have used the lottery receipts as an excuse to cut normal budget allotments to education” (Source D). The general public does not know exactly how much money is contributed to education, especially comparing to their budget, misleading them to believe that the districts have ample amount of money to their disposal. Another reason why the schools do not have as much money as some thought is because the money that it would have gotten from the budget is taken away and used in another area since the districts got money from the lottery. To put it short and sweet, they still get the same amount of money if not less. In the 1990-1991 school year, the lottery revenue was “$691.2 million” split between elementary and secondary schools but that “sum was only about 8.4 percent of a 7.9 billion public education budget.” (Source D).  People do not realize the amount of money from the lottery revenues are almost to nothing compared to the public education budget. Some believe that the lottery revenue that goes to education is enough to supplement that they should not have to pay school taxes. People do not realize the unfairness in that system if it were to be established. ”Eighty-two percent of lottery bets are made by just 20 percent of players – this group disproportionately poor, black, and uneducated” (Source B). The people who would be voluntarily paying the school taxes are those who are already struggling to make ends meet. It is the people in the lower classes looking for a chance to change their fortune and they turn to the lotteries. They are also not aware that only “31 cents of a dollar goes to education” (Source H). The main justification for gambling is that it contributes to education in exchange for a shred of luck at a new life.
Seeking pleasure is the key reason for gambling. Gambling is seen as adult entertainment. If the individual “wins, he has in some way controlled his world; if he loses, it is simply a tough break” (Source C). Gambling, a wheel of fortune that spins for whoever wants to participate, takes a toll on the people’s pockets after a while. In moderation, it can be a way to let out stress and be a sliver chance for a positive change. Through gambling, the person is able to “blow off steam without having an accident, absenting himself from work, or resorting to industrial sabotage” (Source C).  Instead of taking rage out physically, he is able to escape his concerns for a moment by playing a game of win or lose bets. In a way it is better to lose a couple of bucks than to lose a person forever due to a moment’s impulse. As long as “the industry [is kept] crime free” there should not be “any cultural danger” (Source A). Keeping the adult entertainment clean, and not having the addiction, drugs, and alcohol seen in cliché movies, everything should be adequate if done in moderation. The money invested into the false dream of striking it rich should be kept in check as well, to avoid addiction and too much of an investment loss.
Gambling and playing the lottery is acceptable since it gives participants a false sense of authority and a glimmer of hope but it is not an effective way to raise state revenues for education. Not only would it be unfair to the poor since they are the ones chasing the dream of a better tomorrow, but it would also contribute to a gambling addiction if not enough revenue is collected because in a sense the participants would be increasing their chances at winning and adding to the state revenue for education. Education’s funds get their corners cut when people start thinking that the educational system has liberal amounts of resources.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

V-Line.

Cha cha cha! Got my V-line mask and belt in the mail along with the black, volcanic face mask. Wooot! Ticked me off a bit when mama bitched about me spending money on "useless things". I can't buy beauty products, clothes, or electronics but giving it to them and having them buy clothes and other things is fine in her case. Sigh. No. My money, I buy. It's not like I go out and buy lottery tickets or use it on weed. Smh. Had to rush to pick up the kids since I had taken a test after school then had to poop really bad afterwards lolol. They were hungry once we reached home so I cooked チャーハン for them. Not the best I made so far but it was filling. Had a dream again last night concerning Corey. I don't know why I'm having dreams with him in it? It seems like the only parts I remember are ones dealing with him. I haven't spoken or been involved with anything dealing with him so I'm puzzled as why he keeps reoccurring in my dreams. There was also a big dog involved by a male owner. He said the breed was a strip/banded something? It was a male dog, white with black ears and speckled of black upon its tail as well as bands of black along the tip of the tail. He had these dark, ocean blue eyes as well. Mysterious, maybe even a bit somber? A random part I remember is having to go poop in this uber, gloomy, bathroom that scared me ahaha! Anyways back to what I remember most. I had bumped into Corey at this dance festival. He was wearing a navy, blue jacket? Particularly thick. His hair was a chestnut color, wearing jeans and dark shoes. His whole outfit was just pretty dark blue in general. I can't remember his face clearly though, his face was always tilted down a bit so I couldn't see or I just avoided looking into it? But he commented that I had gotten worse at dancing. It was a tense, awkward atmosphere, trying to make small talk or just nod in each other's direction. We didn't stand very far apart, like 3 inches apart so it was pretty close contact, like when you walk past someone and you lean in and whisper something into their ear. I don't understand this dream or what's going on!? Oh yeah, I found another example to help explain my short circuiting memory. I can't remember memories on command but if someone mentions something or something triggers than synapses goes snapping away. Maybe it's the pressure of having to remember something on the spot? Even though it might just be me sitting on my bed trying to recall everything. Oh crap. It just happened. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived? Crap, I really can't remember it. It was something that was going to back up what I just said but I guess not anymore. Oh yeah! Recently after breaking up, I could recall memories really well. Like I felt what I was feeling during those times and I could see the scenes through my eyes. I could remember the look in his eyes and the warmth but also emptiness inside the car when we went to pick up Hailey at Skate City and ect. It may sound like I'm exaggerating or what not but I really did. In a way it was pretty neat but also bitter. I went like through all of the memories I had with him in 2 years, conversations, events, kisses, and actions we experienced that I never really recalled or thought of important or meaningful. Weird. Now when something pops up, I remember it rather as a fact or statistics that I learned from class like the ionization concentration constant of sugar is 1 while salt/acidic things are 2 or that the 13th amendment outlawed slavery while the 19th gave women suffrage. I remember them as facts rather then remembering all those little itty bitty details I did back then. Anywho, mama, Ami, and even my uncle said back then when I was dating Corey, I started to resemble him, even in the photos. I never really saw that but they do? But they say I don't anymore, which I guess is a good thing? There's a saying that after a couple dates for so long, they start to look like each other. I wonder if that was true because my friend, Chua married Michael and she started looking so much like him that one time I thought he dressed up as her in make up. Weird? Wanted to say something earlier but I kept forgetting, but I wonder if Tony and Horse Face had an undercover thing? Apparently everyone could see it. Eh, *shrug*. Not my problem. It got me wondering why he suddenly likes me though? He randomly hit me up and continued to talk. Didn't think much of it until he asked to talk on the phone? Then BAM. First thing that comes out of his mouth: "Omg, you sound exactly like Sharon." Excuse me?!?! If he has the hots for me by morphing me into his little kimchi mold, handpalm. No. I am fried rice and pho, not kimchi. Have my heart set on taking Chinese at JCCC, possibly intermediate Japanese as well if I have enough money heh. I'll be taking Mandarin at JCCC but I have hopes to take Cantonese at KU, and possibly have an exchange education in my birth country, HK! Japan's too expensive so off to HK I go heh. Actually, anywhere in China is okay I guess. Oh, maybe I can live in Dongxing for a year by myself since that's by Mong Cai? So I can head over to Vietnam once in a while! Gah, the possibilities. I just love learning new languages! Not sure what about it fascinates me so much? Maybe it's so I don't look like a fool when I need to go poop.


Monday, November 18, 2013

B-b-broke.

Got woken up by the kids' new alarm clock at 7AM and they didn't shut it off until 7:20 which pissed me off since my alarm goes off at 7:25AM. Deprived me 25 minutes of sleep. Gah. I need to sleep earlier than midnight, or later. Spent most of the time just goofing off, fattening up on caramel popcorn, and doing my math review for the exam coming up on Wednesday. Finished my rug in AP TD as well, yaaaaay. It's an alright rug, not what I had in mind but that's cool. Was so sleepy in first and sixth hour, I could not keep my eyes open that I had to hold my lids open. Had to give dad all of the tips I made on Sunday so he could fix his computer. Gah, good-bye $50 that I'll never see again. Gotta regain that dough on the weekends and during Thanksgiving break so I can buy insurance on my Honda Accord again after 2013. Sick of the Volks guzzling $50 every other week. So, I guess you can say today's not my day since I probably bombed my government and Kanji test since I didn't get a chance to study. Meh, gonna go collapse upon my bed now. Wait, got a funny story to share before turning out the lights. Andi found my stash of Halloween candy that I had hidden away since 2 years ago when I went TOTing with Corey. She asked why I didn't eat it all and I simply stated I didn't want to. She asked if the reason why I didn't eat it was because I still liked Corey and missed him which I gave her a death glare so she walked out. Less than a minute later she pops in and says "Oh yeah, Horse Face is ugly." which made me laugh. Well I hope you had a nice laugh. G'night all.


Dinner Meals 2

Ramen
-Onsen egg
-Fried slices of pork slices
-Leafy greens and seaweed

Turkey
-Honeysuckle White® Turkey
-Mix honey and butter together to brush
-Put Salt & Pepper inside turkey along with 1/2 c. chopped onions & minced garlic

Glazed Carrots
1:1 Butter and Brown sugar
Pinch of salt
Honey(optional)

Pork Rolls
-Flatten pork chops
-Season with salt&pepper
-Mash potatoes & w/e veggies
-Mozzarella
-Coat with egg batter and bread crumbs

Turkey Sandwich
-Leftover turkey
-Spinach
-Tomatoes
-White pepper jack cheese
-Mayo

Alfredo Pasta
-Alfredo sauce
-Pasta
-Chicken
-Garlic
-Cilantro/Parsley 
-Salt&pepper
-Sliced mushrooms

(Rare occasion, maybe?)

Sunday, November 17, 2013

I need moar sleep.

Alarm went off at 8AM, rolled back into bed for a couple minutes only to turn over and find that it's 8:35AM. Ah shit. Rushed to work within' 10 minutes, even with the construction work that went on. It was pretty slow but I still got some pretty decent tips because a majority of the customers kept tipping $2-$3 each time, even on average orders. Our inventory went over by 10% when it's suppose to not exceed 5% so Corp. is being all poopy, since they audited us, apparently they always come and audit us around this time of the year since it's the end of the year. Guess I have to cut back on my free snacking, not to mention whenever I'm at work I'm always eating 24/7 but then again I move around a lot. Got my old hours back, and maybe even more since I have to be there by 7AM, instead of 7:30AM on Saturdays now. Wonder why? Ugh, I don't even wake up at 7:30AM, much less be somewhere by 7AM. Gonna work during Thanksgiving break too but not sure which days, definitely will be having Thursday off though to make the kids some turkey, casserole, and so on since nobody else can or will. I'll be bustling in the kitchen by myself, slaving away. They better listen to me or else they're gonna starve all week for all I care. Pondering if I should get lassagna too? Not gonna be making it from scratch since I won't have time with the other dishes and it's too messy as well. Mama is wanting me to take the kids to school and pick them up, tutor em with math, bath them ,and cook. Wtf? I have work, I have my own shit to do too. I wake up at 7:45AM and barely make it to school and that's without breakfast too! I ain't gonna wake up at whatever time to get their asses out of bed, brush their teeth, and wash their asses, and all that good stuff then make em breakfast and take them to school. Oh heo nah. We live less than .02 miles away too! It even shows on google maps that we're 40 seconds away in walking distance! I'll pick them up if it's raining or if there's snow but I'm not gonna waste gas and be stuck in traffic at school to pick them up when we live right next door. Tutor em in math? I hate math and I hate kids. I cannot teach to save my life, I will end up smacking til their face bleeds. I hate teaching. I'll make em do their homework and read, but that's it. I have my own homework to worry about and AP classes. I gotta succeed too, nobody gonna be doing shit for me. They're in second and third grade too, they should be able to clean themselves without me having to see them naked everyday.

Appreciation.

Just wanted to take some time to recognize your efforts. Before you I thought I wouldn't be able to seriously get close with any guy ever again. Yes, you have your moments that irk me and you don't spoil me up and down but things can change hehe. I try to do things differently than my past and I know that irritates you when I keep referring to the past but I don't want our friendship to end sourly if it ever does. You brought smiles to my world again and I just wanted to thank you. I know I'm oblivious from time to time but that doesn't mean I don't care. I tell you what's up when I go out with others because I don't want you to find out later and be hurt. If I'm honest in the beginning and there's nothing to hide than I hope everything is okay.


Saturday, November 16, 2013

Getting caught in a pinch.

Woke up around 8AM for no apparent reason, I thought it was seriously 10AM and was like, why so soon? I just closed my eyes! Bleh. Slept for a bit more and woke up, got dress and everything to go retake my test at JCCC. Got there around 12:35PM. I felt like I did worse on my retake than on my original test even though I had an hour and 15 minutes on the retake and only 35 minutes on my original. It's just the things that were on the tests weren't the same as what I had on the first. Afterwards I rolled over to Wal-Mart and bought two boxes of snickerdoodles for Stacy since she covered my ass last night. Got like 24 total and popped in during Happy Hour. I had gotten two boxes in case she wanted one by herself then the others would have another box to share but when I was on my way out everyone, even the manager were crying to me about how she didn't share which made me giggle. Stacy's not that type to be like that but eh, each to their own. Went over to Cobe's and made miniture velvet cupcakes - well more like started. Headed over to AMC30 for Thor at 3:15PM. It was alright, never really been an American sci-fi person except for that one movie about vampires and other monsters. So cool! Swung by Sonic again and grabbed some food before heading back to his house to bake the mini cakes. The glaze or cream cheese came out pretty runny or so which confuses me since there wasn't a lot of water added. The cupcakes were pretty wet inside too. Shoot, under cooked? Oh well, looks like I'll be having a date with Sonic's toilet tomorrow morning then haha. Dunno why but I've been pretty sleepy and droopy eyed early on at night, like around 8PM or so, I'll be falling over myself. Austin wanted to catch a movie sometime after 8PM but I couldn't since that was pretty late. Maybe next week since I'll be getting off work around that time. On the way back from the movies, Miko spotted us and made a funny face as he passed us. I was pinching Cobe's cheek as we passed each other haha. Later on, like just 5 minutes ago he texted me outta nowhere saying "It's bad to pinch your boy toy while he's driving" which just made me bust my gut out!

Once school was out on Friday and Conor carried my books out as usual and we parted ways. Ian pulled me over to the side and asked if we were dating to which I simply said no. He said that Conor likes me, and of course I played dumb. Ian stated that it was so obvious and it seemed like we were dating. Sara joined in and said that Conor's texted her before, confessing that he did like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off. Don't like to turn down people so I just play dumb and avoid what I can. I had a dream the other day that consisted of Corey. I'm not sure what the main plot was? But the reason for his presence was probably because I was thinking of the dumplings we made in the past. In the dream, we didn't do anything that we did in the past so nothing lovey dovey or have any connection with the past. We were just together in the same room, chilling and it wasn't awkward or tense. We genuinely chatted and laughed like regular ol'e friends. It didn't feel like a past experience, more of a present or future one but in reality, we're pretty awkward and tense with each other?

Teen Pregnancy & Poverty

Was scheduled to work from 4:30PM-12AM but I had to turn in an essay to turnitin.com at 11:59, not to mention I hadn't done any research or rough draft until today when I came home around 8PM. So proud of myself, did exactly 1250 words and submitted it at exactly 11:59PM. It's still pretty rough and and all but I think I did pretty well for 3 hours and 59 minutes haha! Gotta retake my test at JCCC tomorrow and bringing snickerdoodle cookies to Stacy for covering my ass tonight. She stayed back while I got off at 8PM even though she's been there since 10AM. Poor girly, she definitely deserves those cookies!

Alena Lam
15 November 2013    
Dr. Collins
AP American Government
Teen Pregnancy, a Symptom of Poverty.
News of a baby is a happy and exciting time for most parents but there is a small percentage where the news of pregnancy actually frightens them. The minority of parents who fear parenthood are children themselves. Teen pregnancy is a worldwide concern whether it is because of unprotected sex, or the portrayal of teenage parenthood has been twisted to the extent where it is desired by such television shows as “16 and Pregnant”. No matter what the reason is, little girls are still getting pregnant. There is much jeopardy linked with being a pregnant teenager as opposed to becoming pregnant when older. The burden of becoming a parent early on not only affects the teenage mother but also her family as well but that does not mean teenage pregnancy causes poverty. Instead teenage pregnancy is one of the symptoms of poverty. Teen pregnancy stems from poverty because of the lack of a good education and a sense of unacceptance.
Teenage mothers are unambiguous and by having a too relaxed mind, lead to intercourse and unexpected pregnancy. While some adolescent pregnancies were unplanned, teenage mothers are not indolent by nature. They too wish to have a bright future with many accomplishments. It is just that in the moment, they get caught up by hormones and the bleakness of their current status in life. Many people believe teenage mothers are the consequences of wild teenager girls having unprotected sex. It is true that sex is practiced more often at a younger age than in the past but that does not mean girls are becoming more promiscuous. Awareness of teenagers struggling in poverty is presenting itself through adolescent pregnancies.
Most teenage mothers are the product of a lacking environment. A child’s environment influences their behavior and way of thinking, having the ability to either nurture the child’s dream or allow it to become dormant and crushed by reality’s adversities. When the environment or community is unaware of the difficulties in the child’s efforts to strive, the child reacts to the unawareness by acting out to obtain attention or to entertain him or herself. There are many factors as to why they are unmotivated; one of the key reasons is poverty. Many people mistake poverty as a result of teen pregnancy but it is actually “a function of poverty and hopelessness” (Reimer) because their environment is at a “high level of inequality” (Rich). A majority of girls who become teenage mothers aren’t placed into poverty because of the pregnancy but they became teenage mothers due to them already being in poverty. Girls from low income families do not have faith in themselves to become something significant. “Having children at a young age does not affect” these young ladies because they are already on a “downward economic trajectory” (Kempner) since about “two-thirds of teenage mothers” are at the poverty line by “time they give birth.” (Zimmerman). Their chances of success did not plummet drastically since they were already deprived of resources needed in shaping their success. They have a “poorer sense of personal efficacy”, a “more traditional occupational expectations”, and “lower educational expectations” (Young) than those from families with higher incomes. They do not believe they can change their position in life due to their current financial standing. Teenage pregnancy stems from inequality of opportunities and unequal income. Other times “the lack of appropriate sex education” and “limited access to health resources, such as contraception” is the reason for the unexpected pregnancies (Burdette). The adolescents in poverty may not have access to the information or contraception provided because they do not have access to clinics or just don’t know about them. Other times they are influenced by their “to have sex even when they do not fully understand the consequences” (Langham). As teenagers, they want to appear sophisticated and trendy to peers. They do not understand the emotional or biological aspects that go hand in hand with the act.
Teenage girls turn to motherhood to get a sense of acceptance. As adolescence, they are always conscious of themselves and their image in other people’s eyes. When teenagers feel abandoned and isolated, “loneliness…can breed[s] resentment and risk-taking” (Hammes). The adolescents feel unneeded, useless. They turn rowdy and reckless in a sense for attention. Damaging themselves, they lower the chances to move up the social ladder. Some teenage girls living at the poverty line or even below do not believe they can compete with the crowd. The “distance between the very poor” and “those in the middle is the source of the hopelessness” (Reimer). The idea of hopelessness is not how many people are at poverty or at wealth. What counts is how large the gap between the two is. The smaller the gap or more middle people there are, the more confident one is to be able to move out of poverty and into success. If the young ladies deem their role in the world useless even when they “play by the rules,” (Hymowitz) then they will “likely to turn to motherhood…”to find meaning in a world” (Hanes). Deeming they will fail in society, they turn to cultural norm by going into motherhood to obtain a sense of value.  By being a mother, they think it will “garner [them] some positive attention…because they feel they have little chance of advancement," (Reimer). They are giving up on their own future to sufficient their child’s. They hope by doing so and exerting their efforts into the child, the child will be able to obtain and fair off better than the teenage mother.

Teenage pregnancy does not factor poverty, rather poverty factors teen pregnancy. In the present of poverty, teenage girls may not have access to contraception or correct knowledge of intercourse. By being in poverty, the girls already have a lower chance of success and have a lack of faith in their abilities to strive to success and move out of poverty. They have low expectations of themselves and turn to a traditional role. Then again motherhood at an early age does not impact their success rate significantly since their chances were already low due to their economical standing. Teenagers are unmotivated by their status and where they are at in life, believing that their role is insignificant and worthless. Other times it is a sense of loneliness and isolation that draws the girls to become mothers, to feel that sense of love, attention, and warmth which they once felt from their community. They turn to motherhood to fill a void and have a sense of worth. Other times they are misled by the media, misguidance by parents who are avoid the topic of intercourse, and peers who pressure them into sex. Teenage girls shouldn’t just be taught about protected sex and given statistics about how early pregnancy makes them live in poverty but rather assist those who are living in poverty. Pull them out of the darkness and be aware of their dreams and motivate them to obtain their goals. Making sure the girls are aware of their abilities and being encouraged helps them stay on track to complete their education, instead of steering off because they do not believe they can do it. Only when teenage girls are assisted with their poverty problems and led away from the depths of darkness will children finally be able to be children again, and the number of teenage pregnancies will dramatically decrease.



Works Cited
Burdette, Whitney. "Poverty, Low Education Attainment Lead to Teen Pregnancy, Study Finds." State Journal. N.p., 25 Apr. 2012. Web. 15 Oct. 2013. <http://www.statejournal.com/story/17258344/poverty-low-education-attainment-lead-to-teen-pregnancy-study-finds>.
Young, Tamera M.; Martin, Sue S.; Young, Michael E.; Ting, Ling. "INTERNAL POVERTY AND TEEN PREGNANCY." The Free Library 22 June 2001. 15 October 2013 <http://www.thefreelibrary.com/INTERNAL POVERTY AND TEEN PREGNANCY.-a079251799>.
Langham, R. Y. "What Are the Causes of Teenage Pregnancy?" (n.d.): n. pag. LIVESTRONG.COM. 12 June 2010. Web. 15 Nov. 2013.
Hanes, Stephanie. "Teenage Pregnancy: High US Rates Due to Poverty, Not Promiscuity." Modern Parenthood. The Christian Science Monitor, 22 May 2012. Web. 14 Nov. 2013. <http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Family/Modern-Parenthood/2012/0522/Teenage-pregnancy-High-US-rates-due-to-poverty-not-promiscuity>.
Hymowitz, Kay S. "Poor Girls Aren't Condemned to Pregnancy, Poverty." CNN. Cable News Network, 25 May 2012. Web. 14 Nov. 2013. <http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/24/opinion/hymowitz-teen-pregnancy-poverty/index.html>.
Hammes, Mary J. "Sex Education, Poverty & Teen Pregnancy." (n.d.): n. pag. Baby Gooroo. 08 Jan. 2013. Web. 14 Nov. 2013. <http://babygooroo.com/2013/01/sex-education-poverty-teen-pregnancy/>.

Kempner, Martha. "Poverty Causes Teen Parenting, Not the Other Way Around." RH Reality Check. N.p., 29 Apr. 2013. Web. 14 Nov. 2013. <http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2013/04/29/poverty-causes-teen-parenting-not-the-other-way-around/>.
Zimmerman, Johnathan. "Poverty, Not Sex Ed, Key Factor in Teen Pregnancy." SFGate. N.p., 4 Sept. 2008. Web. 15 Nov. 2013.
Rich, Motoko. "Income Inequality and Teenage Pregnancy." Economix. New York Times, 03 Apr. 2012. Web. 15 Nov. 2013. <http://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/03/income-inequality-and-teenage-pregnancy/?_r=0>.
Reimer, Susan. "Case Closed: Teen Pregnancy Is Poverty's Offspring." Baltimore Sun. N.p., 16 Apr. 2012. Web. 15 Nov. 2013. <http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2012-04-16/news/bs-ed-reimer-0416-20120416_1_teen-pregnancy-american-teens-teen-mom-reality>. 

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Dinner Meals.

Just some meals on my agenda to make for the kids once mama and Ami leaves. Obviously I ain't cookin' every night but I'll probably cooking two or three times a week. There will probably be leftovers from the night before or I might bring takeout home once in a while. If not, they'll probably be eating mostly dumplings because I'll be making a stash of homemade dumplings. Ah, that brings back some pretty funny and nostalgic memories. :)

Yakisoba
-Stir fried beef/pork/pork
-Nappa
-Thinly sliced carrots

Casserole
Meat:
-Ground pork + marinara sauce
-Grilled onions
-Mushrooms
-Mozzarella
-A bit of pasta
-Mash potatoes(on top)
-Top with cheddar and mozzarella

Dumplings
-Shrimp
-Pork
-Nappa
-Carrots
-Onions

Chicken Pad Thai
-Rice noodles
-Chicken breast
-Sliced carrots
-Crushed peanuts
-Chives
-Limes
-Cilantro

Omurice
-Thin omelet
-Typical fried rice
-Cucumbers

Tuna Sandwich
-Toasted whole wheat bread
-Canned tuna
-Mayo
-Chopped onions
-Hard boiled egg
-Lettuce

Creamy Soup
-Potato flour(to thicken)
-Chicken broth
-Milk
-Cubed potatoes
-Diced celery
-Green onion
-Chicken breast/ham
-Pasta(optional?)
-Carrots

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Random Mood Swings.

Not sure why but I've been feeling pretty irritated with guys today, mostly with guys who have a thing for me. I'm not sure but everything they do, or don't do just irks me. With other random guys who don't expect anything from me and I don't expect anything from them, it's pretty chill cause I'm whatever with them but with the others it's like crap, I gotta be considerate of everything and I'm just feeling suffocated by it. Probably because I expect more attention and spoiling, bad habit of mine. But there's also the flashbacks. I see the eagerness behind their actions to please me. It reminds me of how my ex tried so hard to please me in the past and that just kinda cracks me and makes me soften up a bit on them. Maybe it's a side effect of just getting off my period? I dunno but it's annoying.

Brought my diary to school as a way to motivate myself to write in it since it's been neglected besides my bed stand. Was able to write a good sizable chunk in it and I would think so since I tossed and turned in bed all night with so many things on my mind. Took a deep breath and started breathing in and out which calmed my senses and I was soon able to relax and fall into a slumber. It's getting so cold and I'm always so sleepy that I haven't been putting any effort into my appearance..been wearing sweats and tracks, sometimes even forgo the action of putting on a bra. So glad that I'm small enough to pass off not wearing a bra keke.


Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Cheapskate.

My sister showed me a couple episodes of Extreme Cheapskates on Netflix and some of the methods either repulsed me, made me laugh my ass off, or give em kudos for their penny pinching methods. One of the episodes concerned a woman who is a millionaire but is very frugal. She urinates in a bottle and then takes it out to her decomposition to dispose of it but she does flush when she deposits her feces, which is one to two times a day. She also has a limited amount of time for showering, has a timer for her freezer so that it stays on for 12 hours and turns off for 12 hours to save money - not to mention she flips out if anything is plugged in but isn't being used. Another thing was that she goes out into the woods to collect leaves and other leafy greens for a salad which made me think back to my childhood, when my family consisted of just my dad, mama, older sister, and I living at the apartment on Ridgeway. I was always aware of the money issues in the family so I would try to find ways to save and scourge leading me to this wonderfully, cute but funny tale.

I went around the apartment area and pick leaves that appeared cleaned and vivid with no holes, thinking that they were no different from spinach and other leafy greens that were bought from the store. I would take each piece and nibble on them one by one. To my surprise, they tasted bitter and like acidic or maybe it was just the leaves I picked. I thought hey, maybe they'll taste better if I put em in the fridge and so I did. After what seemed like an half an hour to a child but really just be 3 minutes, I took em out. The leaves were dark, but softer and a bit wrinkly or shriveled up from the cold. I taste tested each of them and spit them out in a huff. Sucking on them didn't make em taste any tastier so I threw em to the ground and went inside to eat spinach my mom had bought and prepared from the store. Another story of my penny pinching told by my sister; salted water eggs. So apparently I use to take salt and water and put them into those Easter eggs and hide them in the freezer - to be found by my older sister. Looks like my cheap ways have been embedded in me from a young age! 

So, Mikeo thought I was upset with him yesterday so he was planning to hug me from behind and not let go until I forgave him. So thankful he didn't do that. One, that's awkward and two, that was Corey's thing so anything moves or methods guys try in the book - it's been done and I don't wanna have it done to me again. I'd like to keep those memories separate. 


Monday, November 11, 2013

Work Rant.

So I read some comments over my sister's shoulder on this forum about them closing. Really? The rumor of employers abusing the employees and paying under minimum wage? They were waitresses and waiters, of course they're gonna get paid less than the $7.25 and the government tries to throw a fit about them not paying taxes? They're getting paid $2 an hour and tips usually aren't taxed so I don't see the big deal. The rumor about the employers abusing the employees because of the cheap labor? Excuse me, they're helping these people by trying to give them a better life than what they'd get back in their homeland by giving them shelter, transportation, and an income.  The owners are generous, they give the employees lunch before their shifts start and in middle as well and gives them food again at the end of their shift. My boss welcomed me in the warmest way possible when I was so nervous and wanted to show that I was eager to work hard. She took note of my desire to help out but never asked for anything more than Sweep the front, wipe down the windows when I opened, greet the customers, seat them, and answer the phone. She paid me above minimum wage just for those duties but I basically just stood around and sweep from time to time when I got bored and actually mentioned that she was thinking of giving me raise even though I had only worked there for under a month. She found out more about me instead of having me probe at her to warm up. We would talk about our past relationships, the type of guys who hold our interest and turn us off, and beauty products. I even helped her buy a Samsung Galaxy for $330. I don't know. It's just not as uptight since the schedule is a bit more flexible and she was fine with me only working weekend mornings. At my new place, I have more duties and my wage is minimum as well and the scheduling is uptight as well that I have to quit Sonic. I also have to do separate shifts which irk the poop outta me! I disliked doing it at the Chinese restaurant but I had offered it in the beginning since they needed someone but after a week of doing it, I had to tell my lady boss and she was understanding of it which relieved me so much. If they ever reopen I will definitely be coming back as that job is so easy, the owners are generous and kind people, and the wage is good. Not to mention I waited over 40 minutes for her to show up and the interview was soooo..quick and unwarm. Maybe I'm just bias and too stuck upon my old bosses but I have an issue of becoming too loyal easily.

Duties/Rules:
Business causal uniform
Answer the phone
Deal with the computer
Package food
Greet customers and thank them
Seat customers
May have to deal with money transaction 
Check the daily special each day
Check what is available in the back each day (such as sea urchin, ect)
Bring a smile and look pretty

Starting on Saturday 11AM-2PM, then come back at 5PM.

The other night I had a dream that I got Cobe pregnant which makes me laugh. First off, I was in this mountainous area, with huge sheep which could climb mountains(like goats but they were big and wooly) an then there were these blue pink moneys. They could speed up the mountain in a couple of seconds by either wrapping yourself around the sheep's under stomach or by holding onto the money's tail as it pulls you up the mountain like a water skiing. I didn't have anything to feed the monkey in return for bring me up the mountain to see such a beautiful view but it was okay with that so I was grateful. I walked down the mountain and went through this black hole portal which dropped me into this Chinese dynasty cabin, house. There were ladies, one made of fire, one of water, and another one made of wind or air I believe but had a hint of green to it. They were waltzing with Cobe and I was puzzled as to why they were dancing with each other. It irked me a bit but then they dispersed into air and then he came up to me and announced that he was carrying my child. Now hold up, we haven't done anything so that isn't possible and he doesn't have a uterus to carry a fetus. His stomach was pretty sore and out there though, about 8 months and he was wearing a long sleeve, fuzzy, dark gray shirt. He even took my hand and placed it upon the side of his stomach and I felt the baby kick. I couldn't wrap my head around becoming..a father? Or is it mother? But either way I couldn't wrap my head around that fact that he was pregnant with my child but nonetheless I was ecstatic! 

The other day I took Andi out to bike, we talked about Corey and Horse Face. She stated that HF sucks and that she hates her, and that she should go die. Even said that he should dump her and be nice to me again. Awh haha, how cute is that! 

Mikeo said that the person who told me about him having the hots for me also told him that I like Tony? So basically he's saying that he knows I like Tony. First off I don't like anyone anymore than anyone and two, he doesn't even know who the person who told me is. He's just being a butt since I've been harsh on him lately, but hey. He's the one who said that he likes bossy, demanding girls haha.