I don't hold hatred in my heart. There are times when I go back to the past, relive the memories for a moment or two but then I come back to the present and move forward. Why hate someone who gave you the happy memories? You don't have to like them but why hate? It does no good. It's better off to love the past but not hate the present. Rather, see the person in your memories from time to time and thank them but the person you see in the present - just think of them as a stranger, as though they're not there. Don't pretend to be happy for revenge, actually be happy. I'm gonna be give up on love because of what happened, rather I'm gonna get up, and move forward, and restart. Why give up because of one bad thing? I'm not going to hate every mutual friend I have with Corey. I'm not going to think twice when I hear the name. I'm not going to hate Koreans because I too have other Korean friends that I knew way before any of this happened. I've always been fascinated by Thailand and I'm still going to learn the language and visit. I'm gonna bring a friend back to Vietnam. I'm going to be fine. I will live, I will learn, and I will love once again.
The things he's been telling me makes me feel nice but I know it's wrong and the guilt is there. I don't know how to act, I don't know how to feel, it's all so strange. I shouldn't develop a connection deeper than friends because I know we won't be together. I'm not the one he loves. It's just a moment of loneliness. Sigh, it's okay. I'm not looking for love but I don't wanna cause pain for others, especially for another girl. All the signals he sent me, I just brushed them aside as a sign of alcohol or something causal. When he moved closer during the movie I thought I was hogging the screen, when he kept putting his hand on my lap I thought he was trying to break the ice + the alcohol, when he held me a bit longer than usual when we said good night I thought it was just me. I totally pushed all the possibilities away because I didn't wanna over analyze until he flat out said it. Looks like history repeats itself, I'm ignorant when it comes to guys trying to make a move heh.
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