Why become anything further than friends? There is nothing to look forward to, there is nothing to nourish and grow from. I don't even know if being friends at the moment would be alright. To sink deeper than I already have, why? Only to get upset, lonely, and sadden. What's the point? I shouldn't have seen you in a different light than others. I should've kept you at bay. Shouldn't have indulged in the attention, should've have pushed it away. Finding myself in the position I once was, it's like deja vu. Waiting: waiting for those late night talks, waiting for a reply, waiting for a presence. Waiting for my turn of attention. Why? I don't know. It makes me frustrated, lonely, dejected. Why must I feel this way though? I have no obligation to be this way. I am not attached to anyone or anything. So I'm setting myself free. I do not wish to speak or see him unless necessary and when I do, I do not wish to have excess interaction with him. I will do what is expected of Saturday night but nothing more. I wish to cut off communications afterwards. Cruel? Maybe.
