Part of D2
Time
passed and each one became wrapped up with their own affairs – avoiding each
other as much as possible until last Saturday at Old Settler’s. I didn’t think
I would see you there since I didn’t last year. Absent minded, I walked towards
the direction you were in. I saw one of my friends, John, next to you. I didn’t
want to create an awkward tension in the air. I didn’t want our eyes to meet. I
quickly and silently waved to my friend and slipped away before anything could
happen. Later on that night, John and his girlfriend found me and we talked for
a bit. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed you approaching. I brushed it off
and continued the conversation. Slowly, I noticed you casually coming closer
and closer with a group of people until you were standing directly behind John
so that there was no way I could miss your presence but I remained the same. You
whooped, hollered, and laughed, loudly hitting someone on their back. I’m not
deaf or blind. I knew you were there but I didn’t want to confront you or
anything of the sort. I disregarded this event as an accidental run in.
Until
I heard things that made me waver - last night’s run in was on purpose. Now, this
piece of information isn’t reliable. I’ve heard things in the past about you
still having a soft spot for me. I tried to act upon it, to rekindle but I
ended up burnt so the idea that you wanted me to acknowledge you just didn’t
seem logical. Why would you want me to acknowledge you? Weren’t you supposed to
still hate me? Why would you want to be on friendly terms again, out of the
blue too? Then came the breaking news, you and that Cretin were breaking up. So
what? What’s that got to do with me? Unless you were lonely and looking for attention.
- - -
Dear
Who I Loved,
It’s
been a while since we’ve seen each other, unless you count the awkward glances
we stole from across the stage back in August at Carthage.
I
owe a lot of my success to you; from earning that scholarship to Japan as an ambassador
- which was an attempt to distract myself from thinking of you, taking on
various jobs to show you that I wasn’t afraid of change, attending night school
for cosmetology while still in high school to have a skill to fall back on. I
wasn’t afraid of change anymore. I was willing to do whatever it took to
impress you, for you to be in awe of my achievements, and to regret for ever
letting me go. My motivation was because of you. By taking chances I met a lot
of great new people and experienced different things which allowed me to grow
and mature.
It
took a lot to regain myself though. I was depressed, attempted suicide many
times, stayed out late, relied heavily on alcohol, and I used others. This wasn’t
me. This was a monster who wanted your love, your attention, your care. I was
dumb for thinking you would be concerned because in the end I was only
tarnishing myself and my own future.
I
was foolish for trying to impress you. Obviously if an honor roll student with
a part time job who use to cook and take care of you while you were ill wasn’t enough
then what made me think a successful woman would be desirable? How stupid of
me. I was trying to win you back in all the wrong ways; materialistically.
Time
passed and each one became wrapped up with their own affairs – avoiding each
other as much as possible until last Saturday at Old Settler’s. Later on in the
night a friend of mine, John, found me and we talked for a bit. Out of the
corner of my eye, I noticed you approaching. I brushed it off and continued the
conversation. Slowly, I noticed you casually coming closer and closer with a
group of people until you were standing directly behind him so that there was
no way I could miss your presence but I remained the same. You whooped,
hollered, and laughed, loudly slapping someone on their back. I’m not deaf or
blind. I knew you were there but I didn’t want to confront you or anything of
the sort. I disregarded this event as an accidental run in.
Until
I heard things that made me waver - last night’s run in was on purpose. Now, this
piece of information isn’t reliable. I’ve heard things in the past about you
still having a soft spot for me. I tried to act upon it, to rekindle but I
ended up burnt so the idea that you wanted me to acknowledge you just didn’t
seem logical. Why would you want me to acknowledge you? Weren’t you supposed to
still hate me? Why would you want to be on friendly terms again, out of the
blue too? Then came the breaking news, you and that Cretin were breaking up. So
what? What’s that got to do with me? Unless you were lonely and looking for attention.
No.
I
don’t want to deal with that shit. I don’t want to be tempted. If this had
happened earlier, I would’ve been delighted. Simply delighted that I would
profess my undying love and what not to prove how much I loved you but that’s
not the case anymore. I really loved you, loved you with all my heart and I may
fall back into the same pattern if allowed. I’ve changed though. I don’t want
to tie myself with someone who has no ambition for their future
- - -
Linh
Dieu Lam
Samantha
Bell
Honors
COMP I
09
September 2014
Dear
Who I Loved,
It’s
been a while since we’ve seen each other, unless you count the awkward glances
we stole from across the stage back in August at Carthage.
I
owe a lot of my success to you; from earning that scholarship to Japan as an ambassador
- which was an attempt to distract myself from thinking of you, taking on
various jobs to show you that I wasn’t afraid of change, attending night school
for cosmetology while still in high school to have a skill to fall back on. I
wasn’t afraid of change anymore. I was willing to do whatever it took to
impress you, for you to be in awe of my achievements, and to regret for ever
letting me go. My motivation was because of you. By taking chances I met a lot
of great new people and experienced different things which allowed me to grow
and mature.
It
took a lot to regain myself though. I was depressed, attempted suicide many
times, stayed out late, relied heavily on alcohol, and I used others. This wasn’t
me. This was a monster who wanted your love, your attention, your care. I was
dumb for thinking you would be concerned because in the end I was only
tarnishing myself and my own future.
I
was foolish for trying to impress you. Obviously if an honor roll student with
a part time job who use to cook and take care of you while you were ill wasn’t enough
then what made me think a successful woman would be desirable? How stupid of
me. I was trying to win you back in all the wrong ways; materialistically.
Time
passed and each one became wrapped up with their own affairs – avoiding each
other as much as possible until last Saturday at Old Settler’s. Later on in the
night a friend of mine, John, found me and we talked for a bit. Out of the
corner of my eye, I noticed you approaching. I brushed it off and continued the
conversation. Slowly, I noticed you casually coming closer and closer with a
group of people until you were standing directly behind him so that there was
no way I could miss your presence but I remained the same. You whooped,
hollered, and laughed, loudly slapping someone on their back. I’m not deaf or
blind. I knew you were there but I didn’t want to confront you or anything of
the sort. I disregarded this event as an accidental run in.
Until
I heard things that made me waver - last night’s run in was on purpose. Why
would you want me to acknowledge you? Weren’t you supposed to still hate me? Why
would you want to be on friendly terms again, out of the blue too? Unless you
were lonely and looking for attention since you and her broke up.
I
don’t want to deal with this ordeal. I don’t want to be used or tempted.
Knowing you, this may be a test to see where you stand in my heart. To see if I’m
still in love with you so that you can feed your ego of being desirable. If you
had tried to contact me earlier I would’ve been delighted. Simply delighted to
the point I would profess my undying love and what not to prove my devotion but
that’s not the case anymore. I’ve changed. I loved you, really loved you with
all my heart and I may fall back into the same pattern if allowed but I don’t
want to tie myself with someone who has no ambition for their future. You’re
stilling egotistic, playing video games instead of getting a job, unmotivated
about your academic status. You disappointed me, brushed your child and I aside
for the sake of your own image.
I
must thank you though, because of the things you put me through it encouraged
me become a better person. You became my motivation. My desire to make you
proud drove me to success, I hope in return you will grow and succeed as well.
