I guess I compare experiences and people too much. Different people, different outcomes. It took a lot for me to reach out and the way you responded, it was only natural but I won't let my toes get stepped on without an apology much less a boot. I feel guilty in a sense that I'm not able to change others for the better but hey, it's their decision. I just want to live life at ease so that's why I reached out. Your words hurt a lot at first and made me think a bit but as the hours ticked by I shrugged them off. You've clearly not mature or improved, your loss.
Surprise surprise, I talked to my mom and she agreed that I was being the bigger person but if you don't accept it then so be it. I was the strong one, the bigger person, for reaching out and forgiving but the way you responded showed that you were still immature. She said it in a less nicer way but to save you face I'm censoring it haha.
And you. I feel guilty for hurting you. You were a great friend. I'm genuinely, deeply sorry for hurting you. I know you had high hopes for me but I still would not change my decision if I were to do it all over again. We had a lot of laughs and memories, a great friendship but I don't think we would last as lovers plus I still nagged and talked about "him" a lot back then. Irritating wasn't it. Anyways, you say you accept my apology and you'd like to be friends again but the way you act - it's the total opposite. It seems like you can't stand trying to hold a conversation, much less have any contact with me. If you're not ready to be friends then it's OK. Just let me know when you are?
All the while, explaining this to my mom my voice started cracking and I teared up - that is so freakin' embarrassing especially since my dad, uncle, and Ami all jumped in haha. Dad basically boosted my ego by reciting one of my motto - "I can get anyone, I'm beautiful" and basically that I shouldn't worry about boys and love affairs even though I wasn't talking about relationship issues? Ami said that I have too much time on my hands, thinking all this nonsense, and uncle said that I'm still in love with him - great. Mom got my stance though, that I feel guilty in a way and just want to reach out and settle things and be on normal terms with everyone but she cox me not to let others take advantage of it. Leave the door slightly open so that if desired, they will walk through it. I don't need to jump through hoops of fire to appease them.
