I'm gonna be okay.

Today was such a great day! The weather was beautiful, I didn't fall asleep in class, didn't have much homework, and I got to go out for some fresh air afterwards! Hung out with Alex for a while at the lake. Reenacted the titanic scene and I had a good time just goofing off and being loud. He seemed hesitant and bothered by something but I wasn't sure about what. He wasn't the usual outgoing, happy dude I knew. I hope everything's okay with him. Afterwards went to Culvers for some ice cream, fries, and onion rings. They're honey mustard isn't very good..blarg. They're also hiring and I'm debating if I should apply or not since I'll be gone in a month for Japan. I mean, I'm thinking about taking on two jobs for the summer and my mom doesn't want me to because that's way too many hours and shizz. I'm just like eh, I'm not gonna be doing much this summer with anyone so why not make some extra dough. I don't think I'll get a swimmers' membership like I did last year, I dunno. Just memories and I don't wanna get any darker plus the increase of working hours and summer classes. I sound so boring aha. Tim left early today so I couldn't get my W-2 forms fixed. Sad face, I wonder what time he's getting off tomorrow because I have sewing club. Had a few wonders everyday as usual but I brush them aside because if it mattered, it would've already happened. He's happy with his life and I'm content with mine. It's okay. People keep asking me why I don't get back together with Alex or if I would and I don't get why they ask that? We're good friends and we can help each other with emotional conflicts and realize the mistakes we both had made in the past to help our present ones so why ruin it? I don't think we could go back to the past either way haha. What we had was just a little kid's thing and Steven, I can't and don't see him in any romantic light anymore even if I wanted to. He's more of an older, mature comrade. Which is worse, losing a best friend or losing a lover? Losing a best friend means losing someone you completely trusted, someone to rely on, and turn to in hard times and happy times. Losing a lover means losing on out the future, losing out on the kisses, and hugs, and someone to spend the rest of your life with. What's worse is when the person you lose is both your best friend and your lover but time never ends and with time, you must continue.  And there's other times when I see people I dislike interfere with what use to consist of me and others but now to include others makes me upset. I hate sharing. I hate it. Especially with people I dislike. Tsk. Sometimes I just wanna get up and leave both of them but I was here first so why leave? It should be the other person to leave. They're the one who doesn't belong.

Just goofin' off before beddy bye time.