The snow today was pretty but it almost made me late for school! Had to run like mad woman to first period without my English binder and I still had my marshmallow coat on. It wasn't a difficult day, just a dissecting day in English haha but I got the gist pretty well. If I work on my bag in seminar tomorrow then I might get it done! Crossing my fingers that I'll be able to. Well, I was sitting in 5th period and I started feeling a bit wet down there. I was like eruh, did I start already? There was nothing this morning! So afterwards I went to the bathroom and I was like omfg! I was praying that it wouldn't bleed through before I get home after school's dismissed because I didn't bring any pads and it was flowing pretty heavily. After I got home, my lower back started aching and I was like, really? Ugh. So I went and soaked myself for half an hour or so after washing up. Sigh, I think I know why John started talking to me again and it's not his curiosity that bothers me but the answer to his question that does so I just avoided the question and changed the topic. I don't wanna dwell on it. Friedo Potato is still jealous of Kyle even though I came and visit him at lunch as usual. Ami thinks I should date Kyle Nations and I'm like eruh, no. He was a jerk in middle school haha but he's okay now I guess. Not my type of guy, neither is William. I can't stand self-assertive guys. I don't want someone who doesn't take their education/future seriously, someone who swears excessively, and someone can't accept me. Many boys love me but they'll never truly love me. They'll love what they think, an illusion but it's until they uncover the veil do they see the truth, but do they still love me?
He who loved too much seems as though he never once loved at all.
-A person who appears cynical and cautious of love isn't because he's never loved before but because he loved far too much and it left a scar upon his heart.
When you have a good heart, you help too much, you trust too much, you care too much, you love too much, It always seems like you hurt the most when people take advantage of your kindness. But that good heart is what makes you alluring and radiant among others.
-Sometimes, you -think- you found the perfect one. The one who wouldn't take you for granted and treat you as though you're their earth and sky. It's only after they leave you tattered and with broken promises do you realize you shared your heart with the wrong person but it's life and you learn from the heartache. Gotta get up and forge on in life with smiles and the lessons learned.
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
I think I'm finally starting to move on, I've finally accepted reality, and I'm letting go so good-bye. You may have left before I was ready but you left me so many emotions, so many life lessons, and so many scars upon my heart. I went to heaven and hell because of you and through those experiences its made me who I am today, whether it be beneficial or harmful. Perhaps I should thank you, thank you for setting our fates free from one another. Thank you for giving me the experience of a mother, thank you for teenage love and heartache, thank you for the happy and painful memories. They come flashing back once in a while like clips of a movie but no longer does it play at the heart string. Sometimes, I wonder why couldn't we be friends? But I know why, because we've been through too much and know too much about each other to safely associate just yet. There are times when I wish to communicate and see how you're doing but I fear I will find out information that would upset me so I turn away. Turn away from you, turn away from the past, and turn toward the path in front of me. I don't hate you, I don't love you, I'm indifferent. You're part of my past and erasing you would be erasing a part of myself. I just have to pick myself up and take what I've learned from this, from time to time I will walk past the sculpture in my memory but with harmony rather than with despair. I will stay true to myself and true to my potential.
