My child, I miss you.

Headed into work an hour and 30 minutes early, booyah ahaha. What kind of person am I turning into? I dunno. Lived off of ice cream and tea today. No proper meal or shit. Got an odd email in my inbox, not sure if that was on purpose or by accident. Was pretty disgusted and shocked today. Oh well, it's whatever. Life goes on. He just needs to stay out of dreamland. I've had enough of him in reality, I don't need his face appearing in my dreams. Why can't I dream about my baby again? I miss the angelic face I saw in my dreams. My sleepy butt who fell asleep on the stairs, the one I held in my arms as they fell asleep. I always have a pang of guilt and envy when I see other babies. I know you would've been the cutest out of them all. My love, my child. I hope my decision was right. Sometimes, I wish I hadn't been so scared, so rash. Fearful of your grandparents', my parents' reaction. Hiding everything, discarding all traces of evidence except for the "sanction" of my latop haha. How dumb right? It's just that your grandparents are nosey and poke around in my belongs without hesitation but they're hesitant when it comes to things they're uncertain of - like with technology. Would they have accepted you? I wonder. Your grandmother is always saying how a maiden has to know her worth and losing her value ectra. Would she have realized how precious you were? Would your paternal side accept you? Probably be hesitant. I don't know. So many what ifs cross my mind on a daily basis but my love for you is forever, you will never cease to exist within this heart of mine. You are mine.

I miss you.