My fingers get numb at the thought of you, or maybe it's the frost bite doing its wonders. I hate when I realize that my feelings are growing. I absolutely hate it. I mean yeah, it happens from time to time but I tend to keep a check on it. If my heart starts straying away from me, I usually snatch it back and put it in the dog house for some time then let it out for some sunshine once it learns "no" but I think its strayed a bit farther than usual now because I'm starting to get those chest pangs and loopy thoughts. I hate getting these feelings in my chest, I hate obsessing over little worries, and I hate the possibility of getting hurt again. I fear and hate it so much that I cry over the possibility of liking someone that much. I don't want that. I want to be in control of my emotions, of my position. I don't want to blubber over someone ever again, it's so dumb and I resent it. I hate being vulnerable, I absolutely hate it. It was so much easier before. I'd just flip my hair, dust off my shoulder, and throw a "see ya" and walk out on them like nothing. Now, it drives me crazy. Wth is going on. Ugh, maybe all this thinking and crying shmuck is due to Aunt Flo being late. I think I need to distance myself to reclaim myself and retrain my heart. Stupid thing.
I totally agree with this post because I've been in her shoes before. After being with someone for so long and thinking that they're the one, you lose yourself in the idea that happiness equals them. Being walked out on, you're crushed. You're lost, you don't know how to react and be yourself anymore so you act out in hopes of catching their attention. You scour for what you can from that person, in hopes they won't forget you, that they won't forget your guy's past. It's a stupid and hopeless matter. Time doesn't heal all wounds but it eases the pain. That's what she needs, is friends and family to support her, and to find herself again. Only then can she truly love herself and rise from the ashes.
My antennas.
