Damn, I seriously haven't posted anything new lately. Sorry! I've just been so lazy even to turn on my laptop, much less type anything up! Hardly interested in social media since nowadays I just turn on my phone, look on my news feed, like a few things, uploading a few images on Instagram, and log out I go! I don't bother sitting in front of a screen, staring at my news feed and scout for something "news worthy" to like or comment on. Been cuddling and watching a few shows on TV with the kids instead and napping. Helped set up a surprise party for Megs and she was pretty surprised alright! So happy except the fact that I couldn't find the wallet I had specially ordered online for her present. It's like wtf. I had it the day of her birthday too and I had grabbed it on the way out when Michelle came to pick me up. Ugh, it made me so frustrated. I even called PC to see if I had left it there since we had gone to get snacks and ice cream for the party. When we got Megs, I pretended I had forgotten something at Leslie's and when I tried to get her to come with me to get it she wouldn't budged so Michelle and I had to force her but she still didn't suspected anything haha. The party was not what I expected at all. There was twerking and all these weird ass music. Don't get my wrong but I'm not about those things, especially with people I don't even know. I was also offered a drink - alcohol from a sock and I couldn't even see the label of the drink either. Mmm, sketchy. Ended up not drinking it since the others had chugged it all. Not disappointed, glad that Megs and Michelle followed me into the room - shows that they care and watching out for me! It was pretty scary driving home though since we could hardly see shit and there was black ice as well. Had Andi's belated birthday party the other day since everyone was working earlier the week. Bought her a cake, had a small party for her friends to come over, and they pretty much just ran a muck. Ugh, finally started having stomach cramps and damn was I wrong when I thought stomach cramps hurt less than back cramps. They're both horrid. On Sunday I laid with an ice pack to my stomach for hours and eventually passed out to find Andi rubbing my tummy constantly to ease the pain. What a sweetie! Same thing happened today when I was at school. The cramps came up and I pretty much sat there, rubbing my tummy trying to suck it up only having to resort to the nurse. They wouldn't allow me to call myself out even though I'm of age nor would they give me any pain relievers since Ami and mama are out of Asia - therefore no permission. Wth. So I just laid there with an ice pack and rubbed my tummy the rest of 5th period. Teacher aide in my sixth hour - made glazes today with the other teacher's aid and he is a real cutie. We were in AP ENG last year with Smith so we're not completely awkward but we're of the total opposite group but meh. Whatevs - I ain't interested. He's only eye candy! Got two hours off the beginning of the day so I only have to come in at 9:45AM. Switched my first to third period and omg, the people in that class are so dumb. There's not a single smart person. Back in my first period - we had at least 4 good smart people including me and the rest were slackers and dummies. But damn. There's seriously none in my third. Makes me miss Adam because now I don't have anyone to bother and talk about knitting with. Damn. The feels. Mama wants me to go back to VN this summer with Co Ha to get my eyes done and I'm like no. Summer time is my money making time plus I have no money. She proceeds to ask about all the money I have from working. Uh, first off I don't make that much money, two I love to eat and have a shopping problem, three I've had to pay phone and insurance bills, and four I was saving that for my basic college credits and CNA/RN classes since nobody's paying for mine or save enough for a new car in case mine dies. Yeah, first off not a whole lot of money and too many things I could use the money on that would be better. Plus, I'm a chicken since I won't be able to use my eyes efficiently for practically half a year to a whole year.
Anyways, the other night I had a dream that I was in Canada - in Kathy Huynh's house. There was a wardrobe and on it was a mirror that let you peer inside. I think the wardrobe resembled a heart because if you stand at a certain point you will see an image. First there was the face of an Asian boy with black hair, then it was another guy. I was more interested in this guy but the Asian guy kept shoving him out of my POV. Then somehow he was next to me and I wanted to hold his hand? Wth..I must've ate something weird.
Been doing some thinking and pondering. I think I may finally be over him. Now when he comes to mind it's pretty much whatever. I don't hate him, I don't like him. I just don't want to deal with him. I don't want to know how his life is going or how he feels. His sister and mom are a different story. I'm happy when I see Hailey growing up and becoming such a beautiful, social girl. Hearing from Mrs. K - best thing ever. She's a wondrous and jovial person to be around. Now now, I do enjoy recalling some memories and lessons he's taught me through out the years. But there are somethings that I question. Did I fall in love with the real him or a figment of who he presented himself since he wanted my affection so badly? Did I love a fictional person or was I in love with his love for me? The things he did for me, the attention, the affection - those were all the things I fell in love with but if those are the only things I fell in love with then why did his scent leave such an impact upon me? His crooked smile, the way his broad shoulders held me, his heart beat, the way he held a pencil - why is that all imprinted in my mind? Surely I fell in love with a person as well and not just his efforts? He appears so different now, is that he became or is that the real him all along - just underneath a mask? Merp, I guess I'll never know.
