Linh Dieu Lam
Honors COMP I
Sam Bell
16 September 2014
An
Old Flame’s Temptation
Dear X,
Time
has passed, you and I have both become wrapped up in our own affairs – avoiding
each other as much as possible until last Saturday at Old Settler’s, Johnson
County’s annual festival which celebrates the pioneers who came to settle in
the Louisiana Purchase. Later on that night a friend of mine, John, found me standing
in line for a ride and we talked for a bit. Out of the corner of my eye, I
noticed you approaching. You sported the classic bangs with a chestnut hue,
wearing a soft grey hoodie, off white cargo shorts, and the nerdy black
glasses. Slowly, I noticed you casually coming closer and closer with a group
of people until you were standing directly behind him so that there was no way
I could miss your presence but I remained composed. If I appeared shocked or
anything out of the ordinary it would seem like I still cared about you. It
would have meant I lost, and you won. I felt a bit irked that you had the guts
to face me when I should’ve felt indifference. You whooped, hollered, and
laughed, loudly slapping Tony, another mutual friend of ours – but mostly
yours, on his back.
I’m
not deaf or blind. I knew you were there but I didn’t want to confront you or
anything of the sort. I disregarded this event as an accidental run in because
I didn’t want to get my hopes up and think it was some sort of sign that you
were reaching out to me. By thinking in that and acting upon silly assumptions
I would be the one who’d look pathetic. I would be deemed as an obsessive
psycho who can’t get over my ex even after 2 years even though you’ve already
moved on with another girl, and I with someone new. Then I heard things that
made me waver - last night’s run in was on purpose. Why would you want me to
acknowledge you? Weren’t you supposed to hate me? Why would you want to be on
friendly terms again, out of the blue too? Then boom, the big surprise, you and
the Horse-Face chick broke up which lead to the likelihood that you were
feeling lonely and desperate for attention. Now, I wasn’t going to have any of
that shit because I’m not about to become some kind of rebound chick, fuck
that! Secretly, I did feel a bit smug though. I hated you and her. She’s a
lying, manipulative witch who twisted and turns situations to victimize herself
and influenced you to become an even bigger douche bag.
With
the single label, you’re free to do whatever you want. You can rebuild
friendships and hang out with whoever you desired. In a foolish second, I
thought about reaching out to you but I don’t want to be used or tempted.
Feelings from the past might resurface and I’m not sure how I’d cope. You’re
not the same person so the effort would only be wasted and knowing you that
would have fed your ego of being desirable. If you had tried to contact me
earlier I would’ve been delighted. Simply delighted to the point I would
profess my undying love and what not to prove my devotion but that’s not the
case anymore. I’ve changed. I loved you, really loved you with all my heart and
I may fall back into the same pattern if allowed but I don’t want to tie myself
with someone who has no ambition for their future. You’re stilling egotistic,
playing video games instead of getting a job, unmotivated about your academic
status. You disappointed me, brushed your child and I aside for the sake of
your own image.
I
hope that you’ll change, not for me but for yourself. That you’ll become
modest, learn the value of knowledge, education, and dedication. That one day,
you’ll be a changed person who looks at the world differently and we can become
friends once again.
Sincerely,
Y
