19.

Yesterday was the big day. Slipped into a dress, powdered here and there for a bit and called it good. Classes went by smoothly until trig. Towards the end of class, I did something foolish. I asked the professor how she got from step 2 to 3. I understood the other steps but I was puzzled by the transaction from step 2 to step 3. What does she do? She becomes frustrated. Raises her voice and bulges her eyes. Stating that I had not paid attention at all, that I needed to go back to the previous sections, that she's spent too much time - excuse me(?). She publicly humiliated me and continued to bark questions at me, as if I were stupid. Yeah, it's my fault for being so sensitive. I should've been able to correctly answer the math questions she barked out one by one while holding back my tears. Fighting back the desire to grab my things and run out of the classroom. I didn't get the feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole and die. I had the urge to just bawl my eyes out. I had no words to express my sadness, just tears. Tears, tears, and more tears. Perhaps its due to my frustration of lack of understanding, or her attitude directed towards me. Just like everyone else, I respond better to a gentle touch than a rough one.

Later on in the day, went shopping with the boo then dinner at Drunken Fish. Happy ending to the night.

Had an odd dream. I had a discussion with Keo about the neutral setting on cars yesterday and in my dream, I had ran out of gas therefore switching from drive to neutral from what Keo told me. Surprised I remember something from reality in a fantasy world. Anywhos, moving onto a different scene. I was hanging and switching from tree branches and vines? Hailey came riding by on her bike and later on with her brother. Of course I hid amongst the branches because I didn't want to be seen or noticed. I took joy in peering through the leaves. Awkward, I sound like a stalker but hey they were in my territory! Or at least I think it was? Then somehow I ended up in the backseat with him. Him, in the middle seat and I by the window. He was on my left, wearing a light jacket. I wanted to get out of there. I didn't want any trouble or tension. He seemed friendly though? As if encouraging interactions. I was weary, confused as to what was going on. I started to become giddy, excited on the inside. I still rejected though, afraid that it's all a big facade. But then he disappeared and in front of me was Keo. He was upset and felt betrayed and wouldn't forgive me even though I hadn't done anything? I didn't accept his gentleness, nor did I act upon anything. I apologized and tried to make it up but he wouldn't have it. Most likely jealous because he sensed that inside I was somewhat excited/happy? Weird. Just recently I had thought to myself, gee I can't seem to remember any of my dreams lately nor have I had any dreams regarding him and then poof! This pops up.

"Be talented and quick in order to achieve success or have a pretty face and housewife skills to marry a substantial provider"