Late dilemmas.

Lately I've been having a lot of conflicting emotions. One was figuring out whether I've finally moved on from my past and falling in love with my current boyfriend, another was whether to let loose and shower him with affection and praise, and the last was whether I should let go of him. 

Dealing with the first dilemma, I don't feel as strongly towards my past nor concerned with it although I do still have reoccurring visits from him time to time in my dreams. Nothing significant though since i don't dwell on his existence in them. With the second- I'm not sure why I've been feeling this way. I just feel as though he deserves it. I have this sort of connection to him, the feeling where I always want to see and talk to him. Thedisappointment  that follows when I'm not able to be with him. I want to shower him with love and praise for being a wonderful guy and dealing with me. But then it's when he does a silly matter or keeps repeatedly falling asleep on me in the middle of a conversation weeks after weeks or so that makes me doubt his true feelings. I've never been like this before and I hate it. I despize this dependency feeling, the incompleteness, empty feeling within me. I hate it. I guess in a way this shows that I've started to trust him, and depended on him and the fact that he let me down angers, upsets, and saddens me. In a way it tells me that he doesn't see the use of putting as much effort as he did before in the beginning. That he doesn't love me as much as he did before, just like the other guys. He had also stated that I had been right, that I was incapable of love. That hurts. I admit, I could not sleep at all the other night. I cried my eyes out but unsure of the reason. I don't think it was over him but the fact that I had been foolish enough to let my guard down and that I had been offended by someone I had trust. Tonight, I'm not shedding any tears. I was frustrated, sad, and now I don't care.