Transforming connections.

I'm not sure how to start this out so I guess I'll just jump into it. I was literally destroyed by my past love. It was passionate and ecstatic to the point that when it fizzed out, the shock left me numb. I saw no purpose in life, everything had revolved around him. The relationship did not shape me as a person, rather it made me dependent like an addict to a drug. The break up was what molded, formed, who I am today: independent, cynical, and weary. I had to reinvent, rediscover who I truly was and my passions. Fast forward, I am no longer thinking of that one person day after day - instead I am talking to others without a motive of using them or what not, simply being content with my simple life. I was no longer using others as a distraction, as a variable to spice up my life or draw attention. I wasn't holding out for him either because I knew it would never happen, he had found someone new and I did not want to be in a relationship. I felt as though I was not emotionally ready to invest in someone else because I was still investing in myself. Everyone else speculated that I was not over my ex - that I was still holding on which may have a bit of truth to it. I did not understand why I had to date others to prove that I was over my ex? It's only been a year or so of being single, nothing wrong with that is there? I had started talking to a lot of guys but I saw nothing more from it than just talking and 'crushes' on me. When I had caught wind that my friends saying that I still wasn't over my ex I was offended. It felt like something was wrong with me for not dating other people and I didn't understand why. I was 18, beautiful, smart, but I didn't want to date. Is there really something wrong with that? I just wasn't ready and didn't want to use someone as a rebound if I really wasn't available. Sounds dumb huh? Well, in an effort to rebel I started dating this guy on a whim because he was pretty nice and we had been talking for a while. I figured it would be a short term thing - which seems like I always think all my relationships would be short term, guess I always underestimate? Well, he's a real sweetie. I admit, it took a long time to get use to him. I felt like a platonic relationship, I didn't have any real feelings until now - which is why I'm writing this. It's kind of scary. Before I was used to being on my own, doing things by myself but now I'm starting to expect him to be a part of my day like a routine and when it's not I get disappointed. It's a really odd feeling, but the thing is I still think of my former love from time to time. I still get teary but not as much, it was only when I listened to Gomez's new song that I started getting a bit sad. I don't know what's going on with myself.