There is nothing wrong with loving one's own parents. I want to love his as well but they do not love him nor me. When he is successful or able to provide they will be calling him back to them but when he has nothing he will be my responsibility. There is nothing wrong with a mama's boy, unless the mama does not love her son or there is too much that you are alienated.
These emotions, I'm not sure why I feel them. Perhaps it's a precaution but I have no desire to love anyone anymore. Corey, my first love. I was naive and had high hopes but was lost myself. Wanting to salvage anything whether it is as friendship or acquaintances but I'm okay now. We're strangers with no acknowledgement. I don't know you, you don't know me.
Mikeo, showed me the other side of life. Such as being wronged and humiliated repeatedly without a chance to express pain and prove innocence. He is a good guy, but I do not want to get entangled in the web of family issues.
Corey was the last person I fell in love with, I fell so deep and hard that I never was fully able to get back up. From there was I able to figure out how to love myself. Mikeo was the one who taught me to love. Taking care, worrying about one else's well being. There was no butterflies, or naive thoughts of forever and ever like before. There was only reality and looking out for one another in this harsh world.
But now, I have no desire to fall in love or love anyone besides myself. Loving someone else takes too much. I use to think I could just marry the individual but I was wrong. If the individual is unwilling to separate himself from them then it is in vain no matter how much you plead. Even with a family of your own, they will still leave you, your children, everything both of you have created..for their family of origin who only calls on him when they need him or in fear of losing their investment yet never treating him with love or respect - pin pointing parent responsibilities upon you.
Love was my first mistake but my biggest mistake was the person I chose. All the humiliation I've endured, when will I get my justice? He is a good person but he is entwined with misfortune and complexities that will cause me greater grief down the road.
Right now I just want to run away and become an apprentice under a biologist. Focus on learning and reforming myself.
