Just when I thought things were getting better it comes to a halt. Perhaps it's just me but I don't think he should confide in another girl about our relationship. It is a two person ordeal that others' should not have knowledge about.
When he confides in her, it seems like she's better. His response or behavior is not genuinely 100% him because it is influenced by her. Her response ticks me off as well. She has no right to say anything about me or give any input because everything she encounters is just the context and not the whole ordeal.
So it's not just anger but also jealousy. The way he communicates with her, I do not get that. I see an old image between them two. Being able to talk for hours. We started off like that. Jokes, laughs, staying up late talking about nonsense but now it's none of that. When I want to reminisce, he brushes it off - getting irritated. He doesn't want to stay up with me anymore but he has no problem with her. Even when we are on good terms, he does not text me as often as he does with her. He wants freedom - to not be bound by the hip to me yet he is able to communicate more frequent with her - because we have nothing of interest to talk about. With me, he still texts her - looking down at his phone smiling, laughing. Sending each other funny, cute images and sayings. They may not recognize it but I see it as a sign of flirting. Suppose to meet up with each other while I'm off, fighting mental and emotional battles by myself. Conflicted. Tormenting myself while he enjoys himself. Giving another girl his time and happiness.
Being unable to receive that while watching someone else get it. It kills.
Battling conflicting emotions. Rethinking actions and responses. I just want to be raw. I want to scream. I want to break down and cry. I want to be cute, I want to pout. I want to kiss, hold, and love. I want to be real.
But I can't. Because I'm trying to be better. This sickening, knot in my stomach. The concern he shows her for her menstruation. I want it all. I want to be spoiled and love without thoughts.
But I can't.
