I don't know why I've been having these conflicting, unsettling emotions. I'm trying hard to be independent, be calm, be cool - unbothered and unaffected by those's actions around me because I have no control nor should I be concerned. I do have certain feelings, emotions towards choices but I hold them in and try to disregard it with other tasks. I have this lump in my throat and a knot in the pit of my belly, I can't seem to be able to disassemble it so I sit and let it marinate until I've run out of oxygen and emotions till a relapse occurs.
What I'm basically doing is untying myself from my partner. In the past I was distant because feelings were not as passionate, but then opinions of how I am not loving and invested convinced me to tie and wrap myself to a person without realizing the consequences and possible self harm it may bring. Unrequited love, unrequited affection, yeah it hurts but what hurts more is the process of reverting that because you still want to maintain a connection while severing it as well - like a rope. You must cut away at it to thin it out but not so much that it strains and snaps. Each cut is like a severe to your heart's fibers. Those who read this will not understand it unless they're emotionally sensitive or experienced it prior. Like a game of tug-a-war but you can't bear to let go or have the other person let go. Your hands burn, your feet is tired, but you don't want to let go, you're not ready for it to end.
