Unsure what this meant. A few nights prior I had dreamt of my former partner and my current one. This time, my current one's appearance was exactly like that of my former except for a few minor differences. His race was different from what it is. In it, I traveled to multiple locations. At one of them, I met my ex and my current in the same room. My ex tried to reconcile but I wasn't having it and instead went to the arms of my current to show that I am happy - too bad that didn't last very long. My current initiated us going to the restroom together, I guess for some sexy time? Too bad I didn't get that. Instead he went there to piss and accidentally sprayed me. I was livid and he saw no harm because "hey, it's just piss" and it was an accident.
I'm not sure what this dream meant when I woke up but after having some days to reflect I think I can decrypt my subconscious's message. I have been deeply attached to my former flame but now I've placed everything upon my current - hoping for the same instead I get disappointed and feel as though I get disrespected after letting go and choosing him - hence the piss.
Last night's involved me taking a HPT which came out positive, with those two clear red lines. Crap. In a state of shock, I kept telling myself that it must be a mistake. I was scared, worried. My first thought was whether to confide in my partner - I quickly concluded I couldn't, I mustn't. There was a strong feeling of denial in giving him that information. I did not want to bother with him, that he could not do anything whether it was in a form of moral support or finances. The feeling of hopelessness and loneliness surrounded me, that I was on my own. There was a tiny fragment of resentment as well since he's been absent lately.
This was easier to decipher. We lack communication and trust, trust that he'll be there in times of dire. I am on my own with issues that were created by both of us, I bear the brute(possibly my feelings of attachment and anger). But this also reminded me, I need to take a HPT.
