Unplaced friend,

I'm not sure where we stand in each others' life or the importance of our position. Perhaps we're merely acquaintances with a mutual attraction or maybe we might be able to be something more than that later on. You mean more than a regular friend to me but we're not quite exclusive or anything of that sort. I really don't know what we are to each other but I know that I like being around you. Unknowingly you've warmed this cold heart of mine and left an imprint. I know I'm difficult. I get irritated easily but I try to get over it quickly because I want to speak to you. I'll understand if one day you don't want to be my friend anymore. Just give me a heads up so I can prepare myself but I really do enjoy our friendship.

Prom.

This is what I wanted to look like for prom night but things didn't go according to plan.

 I got off late and Ami wasn't home to do my hair, make-up, or nails. I had 45 minutes to get ready from changing out of my uniform to putting on my shoes and getting my ass out the door. Forgot my earrings and necklace. Had to curl my hair with a straightener since Ami gave away the curling irons to our cousin. When I went to go dance onstage the Indian girl saw me and was like "Omg, is that you Alena? You look so pretty blah blah blah." I was like wtf bitch? Why you actin' so fake? This is so awkward. So I was just like uh huh okay, I'mma shut my mouth and just stare at her and hopefully she goes away. Burning my shit, talking shit behind my back. Ain't gonna start anything but I ain't gotta be all cozy with you boo. Bought a change of clothes for after prom, which reminds me we almost accidently crashed Blue Valley's after prom hehe. Went bowling at Incredibles until 3AM in the morning. The next morning my parents hid my car keys and were off somewhere and I needed to get to work ASAP. Ah boy. They're starting to think I have a lover and they're freaking out. Ami was worried I would have sex and history would repeat itself, smh. There was no way to even do it ! Everybody was together every minute and goofing off like dumbasses and getting dipsy off of red bull.

Transformation of the chamber.

Skip to 1:15 for singing.

Có lẽ ông trời cho mình quen biết nhau 
Có lẽ ông trời muốn ta phải yêu mến nhau 
Nếu muốn mai này em được hạnh phúc ấm êm 
Chỉ còn một cách em phải bằng lòng yêu anh.

Cả trái đất này không ai hiểu em bằng anh 
Cả thế giới này không ai yêu em bằng anh 
Hãy cho cơ hội để anh được chăm sóc em 
Được ôm lấy em từng đêm.

[ĐK:]
Nguyện làm nô lệ cho em nguyện yêu em suốt cuộc đời 
Ân cần chăm sóc cho em từng giấc ngủ 
Ngày nào em cũng được vui ngày nào em cũng mỉm cười 
Nô Lệ Tình Yêu lyrics on ChiaSeNhac.com
Vì bên em luôn có anh kề bên.

Đừng nhìn xung quanh của em đừng nhìn bất cứ anh nào
Xin hãy chú ý một mình anh thôi 
Vì người yêu em là anh một người chỉ biết chung tình 
Người có thể hy sinh tất cả vì em.


Perhaps God permited us to be acquainted
Perhaps the heaven wants us to love one another
If you want to have a warm future
Just say yes to loving me

In this whole world no one understands you as well as me
In this universe nobody loves you as much as I do
Give me the opportunity to care for you
So that I could hug you every night.

[Chorus:]
I submit myself to be a slave of your love, promise to love only you forever
Even sleeping I still care for you
Everyday for you to laugh and smile
So I'll always be with you.

Do not look around you, do not look at another man
Please look at only me
Because the person who loves you is me who only knows loyalty 
Who can sacrifice everything for you.

The lyrics reminded me a lot of him and the past. So passionate about being a love slave because it allows him to be with her. Being happy that he's able to care and be with her despite her difficulties. Reminds me a lot of the past. Work was slow because of the Royals game tonight. Jonah, Issiah, and Conor came up and visited me during work. I was able to sit and chat for a while but I felt kind of bad doing that. Everybody joked around and I gave them all a hug and Jonah pouted about Issiah getting the first hug and such haha. They're so silly. And then they joked about cocaine and Jonah was being weird, asking to come home and shower with me. So odd hehe. So pooped. Forgot my boutineer at work, cross my finger that it didn't die or somebody take it. I'll be so piss! Anyways, gotta head to bed before I collapse at work tomorrow morning. Oyasumi!

Change of heart.

Days go bye.

A wise woman loves, but only kisses when she is loved; listens to discern who she can trust; leaves, but returns to one who is worthy.

Another time.

Faded.

Contemplate.

Why become anything further than friends? There is nothing to look forward to, there is nothing to nourish and grow from. I don't even know if being friends at the moment would be alright. To sink deeper than I already have, why? Only to get upset, lonely, and sadden. What's the point? I shouldn't have seen you in a different light than others. I should've kept you at bay. Shouldn't have indulged in the attention, should've have pushed it away. Finding myself in the position I once was, it's like deja vu. Waiting: waiting for those late night talks, waiting for a reply, waiting for a presence. Waiting for my turn of attention. Why? I don't know. It makes me frustrated, lonely, dejected. Why must I feel this way though? I have no obligation to be this way. I am not attached to anyone or anything. So I'm setting myself free. I do not wish to speak or see him unless necessary and when I do, I do not wish to have excess interaction with him. I will do what is expected of Saturday night but nothing more. I wish to cut off communications afterwards. Cruel? Maybe.