Wet hair again.
Had an odd dream. I had a doppelganger, we were identical except for the height. She was like half a head taller and had all black hair instead. I kept hugging her and I felt really happy. I'm not sure why. We were in the streets of Vietnam I believe? We were dressed in normal Vietnamese clothes as well. She was wearing a white and green stripe t-shirt. Then something about a mafia kidnapping. Not sure if I got kidnapped or if I got killed in a car accident and that I'm a ghost now but I kept wandering around the streets lost and confused. Somehow I wandered all the way to his house and I saw Trey, Lucy, and Max. They were pretty happy to see me, especially Max. He kept jumping and following me around. I stood at his doorway - just standing there waiting. It was during the night I believe because it was all dark and the only light emitting was from the doorway. I think he had just woken up from a slumber or whatevs because he came out to the doorway standing there confused and seemed like he was just staring off into the distance, not really focusing on any point. As if I wasn't there and he saw through me. He stood for a moment and turned away back inside. Was I a ghost? Or did he just not see me because of the darkness? Why did I wound there of all places? Was I dead? And why, if I was? A really confusing and depressing dream, but not a nightmare. What did it all mean? Wore the first necklace he gave for the first time today, I'm not sure why. I stopped wearing the promise ring, because there's not a promise to be fulfilled anymore. The necklace - I'm not sure why. It's more of a bittersweet reminder, like a grain of sand of what we had. Was it because I wore it that something hit my subconsciousness to have that dream? I really want to understand what it was about and why. Had work today, ugh. Don't have that much homework but man I'm just wiped out. So tired - like fuhhh. Didn't want to work today at all. Not sure why but I get really irritated lately, especially by people who are into the past and their issues. Ones that I use to be close with and confide in when I was going through my hardships. I'm not sure why. Maybe I just want to forget it all and when I associate with them I think of the past? Eh. Weird. Stayed after for tutoring for just a bit - around 45 minutes to make sure I understood the new lesson today. The quiz just killed me - there were two problems that I was like phoooo, what the hell? So glad it was on a block day too because I took forever but I didn't give up until the last 5 minutes! Still upset that I can't switch to ALG2. Not sure why but male friends keep telling me that I've changed, that I've matured but they're not sure how. They just notice that somethings something different about me, that I just seem mature and more calm? Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. Not sure, it might just be a withdraw. You know what's awkward? Having a guy tell you that you have kissable lips - awkward as hell. It's like no. I don't wanna kiss anybody nor do I wanna do anything intimate with anyone. All you'll get is a smile and an air hug lol. Sorry, I don't wanna get close. Shouldn't have done that - now I'm struggling to stop waiting. Oh yeah! I have a study session with Jenn this Saturday along with Applebees with Japanese friends on Wednesday. Woot, let's hope I can actually study and get all my shit done for finals! So, I just took a look at my wrists and I just found a bunch of cuts. My gawd, I look like some emo shit. Oh gawd, no.
