A lot of people seem to take me not dating someone after my break up with Corey as not being over him. I can see why they might think that but I've come to a conclusion that I am. Yes, there will always be a part of me that will always love and care for him even with the type of person he's become. A part of me will want to know from time to time how he's doing - that's he not dead but other than that I don't want to know anything further. I have a twist satisfaction in the sense that I'm finally happy, and better off in life now. I don't want to date because I feel that it will distract me from my academic goals. If I were to date I want to be sure that the relationship has the potential to blossom into marriage later on. Yeah, I would date around but only after my senior year and for fun. The other person would know beforehand that this is just a for fun relationship - nothing to be taken serious, like those relationships you have in junior high. Something that's simple, short, and cute to pass the time. I don't think I would be able to date a friend though because I don't want to hurt a friendship just because I'm unsure of my position in life and my feelings. Yeah, friendzone sucks but if he just doesn't have the quality of what I look in a man then I have to pass it up. Even my sister and my mother supports my decision in staying single. They want to me focus in school, they don't care if I hang out with guys as long as it's in a group or that they've met the guy. My dad just hates all guys, period. He knows dating is a distraction and prefers me to stay home and study. My mom doesn't mind me going out and socializing as long as it's within' reason and with people she knows of such as Michelle and Megan. My mother, she goes on a rampage just to make sure I don't fall in love and get hurt again. The first and last time I got heartbroken, I nearly scared her to death and the kids as well. They were all scared because it was the first time they saw me utterly broken - bawling like no other. Many people pressure me to date to show that I'm over my past but what if I'm not? What if I still want to cherish those moments? What if I'm not ready? I don't want to use someone as a rebound, it's just wrong and shows how much I may not be over my past. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't have to mean you're over your ex. I dunno. I just have a lot hesitation against dating and so does my family so I appreciate guys' friends messaging me that hey I should date their friend because they're a good guy and all but I'm just not ready. I mean, yeah I do get crushes on certain guys from time to time but it fades away relatively quickly and nothing comes out of it and I'm glad. It makes things easier for me and my friendship with the guy stays solid because real emotions and feelings weren't invested. It was more of a playground crush. Not to mention I get told that I have a very flirtatious personality and I don't mean to come off as that either. It doesn't mean I have an interest in the person, that's just how I connect with people.
Yes, I have been talking about the topic of being over my past and what not lately but I'm just trying to get a feel on my position at the moment. I want to reestablish the fact that I'm confident on where my heart lies and the path I'm taking.
