Came to my humanities class, a bit freaked out because I couldn't match the instrumental I remembered with the titles but turns out I didn't have to come! The total amount of points out of the semester was 600 but I had over 662 so he owned me points haha. That's with me forgetting to turn in the extra credit essay over "Hana-Bi" as well even though I had done it and it was in my backpack. A lot of stress lifted from my chest but I'm still scared about math. I seem to be coping better with stress and being able to remember what I've learned at least with indefinite and definite integrals. Just worried about related rates, optimization and a few others which will definitely be on the final. I wonder how many problems are on there?
Had the oddest dream last night, not sure if it's because I was talking about the topic with a friend before I went to bed. In the beginning of my dream it was horrible. There were these 3 fallen angels dressed in black leather material who were chasing down my family and I, for some reason wanting to destroy us. I had a hard time convincing my family to leave asap til it was almost too late - fire falling upon our heels (most likely because my friend told me about Lot's Wife). We crossed bodies of water, reaching a destination of an isolated house upon a hill sort of thing. The house was small but very nicely supplied and decorated. There were two levels and the square feet was probably about the size of half my house(living room + dining room). Everything was tidy and worked fine as if somebody had been living there. I closed all the blinds of the windows(really big windows, the wall was basically all window) but kept it a crack so that we could look out but the angels wouldn't be able to look in. It was really scary. I kept trying to wake up - and which I did in a fright and fell back asleep with some trouble.
The second dream I had concerned him again, probably because I had been talking about former friends and connections. It was in an open mall sort of area, kind of like Market 1 in Mong Cai. I bumped into his little sister and she asked if I wanted to be his friend again which I admitted and she said she would somehow help? She ended up making a coloring/drawing booklet with quotes and I guess she left it in sight so that he would see it. He got upset/angry at first, demanding who did it. His sister admitted she did. Then somehow he soften up, flipping through the booklet consisting of notebook paper stapled together and colored with markers(front page was mostly yellow, reds and pinks outlining the outside). I just stood there, tensed up and fearful of rejection and backlash for my friendly desire. I guess she wrote something in there that sparked something in his mind because without me saying anything he appeared normal again like he did back then. We walked for a bit and he offered to teach me Laos/Thai - something I had to beg for during our relationship. We both laughed at my failed pronunciation, it was fun and I enjoyed it. There was no feeling or thought of romanticism just happiness with the connection and reunion of an old friend.
I wonder why I am the only one who feels this way? Somewhere deep in me there's a sense of guilt as well, that perhaps I was not nice or open enough. Is it because I really had done something wrong or am I just too soft that I tend to place the blame upon myself? Do I just naturally have a soft spot for my first? I don't know.
