Cookie greetings.

Wore a white summer dress with a loose beige cardigan and everything was nice except for that fact that my boobs kept popping out. Not sure if it was because of the dress or bra. I was paranoid the whole day because I didn't wanna appear as a "loose" girl nor did I want strangers seeing all that boobage. I dunno, I don't like anyone seeing any boobage. I gotta say, the most awkward moment is when I had to hand on those stools that swirl and can go up and down in ceramics because I had to get on it to lower it down. I think it's worse having your boobs hanging in front of a lady teacher than a male because usually the male teachers turn away automatically while the females are like..judging and will say something but I'm not the one to wear booty cut shorts or expose boobage in public. I was pulling up my dress the whole time and looking down lol. Wish I had some fabric skin tape so it wouldn't keep moving around and pop out. Was pretty tired this morning but surprisingly I didn't doze off in any class or get that sleepiness I usually do in one of my classes. A lot of students in AP English are kind of waiting and wondering where I am. They'll be like "Hey, where are you? Did you switch?" and sadly I must admit yes. I hate the summer homework but apparently AP English IV is easier than last year and less stressful and I'm like wtf. I'm falling asleep in CP from boredom and my brain is turning to mush from all this basic, boring busywork. My potential is really getting wasted here but meh. I ain't gonna switch to AP and complete the summer assignment in a couple of days. FORGET IT. I'm not staying up until 4AM again, especially when work be scheduling me 35-40 hours a week. Crazy Tim. I told him that's too much! I only want half of that! Took my first government test today and I gotta say, I feel like I did awesome! I knew almost all the questions except for one or two. My 'essay' might be a little choppy in certain places but I used concrete details from prior knowledge and made commentaries that supported my opinion aaaaand I finished before Kevin. Booyah. Sorry, I have this hidden competition with others which both sides don't really get along but we don't say anything. Plus, apparently he gossips with his mom because then his mom gossips with my mom and I'm like wtf? Why is he gossiping about me when first off, I stay on the low down in general and two, he doesn't associate with me sooooo? I never talk or ask about him but his mom loves to ask things about me and compare with her son. It's like no. I'm not sure what even happened? We use to play and be best friends as little kids, plus he would always call me big sister ahaha! But ever since he moved over to Brierwood(sp?) we just stopped playing with each other when we met at Asian parties and then he just stopped coming because he would be at friends' house(lucky ass) or he just didn't wanna come. Maybe he's afraid of associating with me because I don't fit the image he's going for? Whatever that may be or he's afraid I will get ahold of his secrets or something and I'll gossip to my mom which will relay to his mother and get him in trouble lolol.  

Hiding them goodies with the cardigan and lots of hair.

Aaaand, they pop out again. I swear, they're attention whores lawl.

Time forgives?

People say time heals all wounds, that is not entirely true and and not all wounds ever get fully healed.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm "point[ing] at a deer and call[ing] it a horse?" Or am I "cover[ing]..[my] ears while stealing a bell?" My heart may be "an old horse in the stables" but "it still yearns to run." I may have experienced pain, I may be cautious and cynical but I still wish to be treated as a princess, a gentle flower with thorns. There will be those who stand afar from the murky waters and thorns but I hope the scent and lush colors of my petals will draw them in and they might take a chance to go through the unknown waters and bear through the thorns. I guess in a way, I've realize that in order to be loved again, I must not only love myself but learn from my past then get the hell out of there. I can still hate, I can still seek revenge, but I can also love those around me. Don't settle for less, forgive, give them the benefit of the doubt, and love them unconditionally. Don't be played as a fool though. Know when enough is enough to stop, stand up, and walk away.

Surgery.

Fell asleep around midnight but I still need more sleep! Opted for a causal, purple theme outfit with a hint of edginess. Had a pep talk during English so we didn't do anything. Got more homework tonight. Felt pretty isolated during classes today. I dunno, I just feel like I stand alone in the vast building. No real close connections. Decided that I'm not going to go to Japan this summer or attend Regency for cosmology. Just gonna enroll into Nails school at JCCC and see if they'll accept me and go from there. Save the money for a new car and surgery. My mom's been nagging me to get surgery done in Vietnam. I personally think it's another way to push me to go back but eh. I researched the prices for LASIK and it's around $2,500 per eye and it can go up to $5,000 per eye in the US. I'm a bit uneasy but I'm doing my research and I won't undergo it so soon. Probably wait until after college since I'll need around 6 full months before I can be let loose and fly back to the states. Since I'm already there I wonder if I should opt for a nose job as well? Or maybe face trimmings or fat sculpting. Meh, I should be getting more hours than I should be since we're low on employees or so it seems since I have 35 hours. Apparently that's normal to others? Then again I have AP classes and a severe case of procrastination though. Had someone strike up a conversation with me and he complimented me on how cute I am and how I must be happy since I'm so cute? I wonder how many people creep on my photos yet never likes, comment, or try to communicate with me heh. Then he proceeded to say that my husband looks like one of the guys from Far East Movement and I'm like wait, wha? Haha, I'm laughing at how he could've thought I was married. Nobody wants to marry me!

Metamorphis. Anxiety attack.

Finally a new uniform.

Got called up around 9:30AM to see if I'd go to the temple but I had work soon so I was like nah. Rolled back to bed but didn't really go back to sleep. I had a dream though, one that I can't remember all of. It wasn't a happy one but it wasn't an especially sad or frustrating one. I was earnestly trying to get this guy's attention. He was standing over me and I was sitting down. I raised my arms up to try and put them around his neck. I tried feeding him this red, blue twizzler like candy too? And the rest I don't remember. Saw Hanna last week at the mall and waved. Didn't really talk since she was occupied. Wonder if she recognized me? Work was pretty mellow until happy hour hit. Tips were pretty good so no complaints for once heh. Finally wore my new uniform to work! Yeeeeey. Wish that we didn't have to wear hats though. Meh. Now I'm just procrastinating my history reading and sketchbook. Am I suppose to take notes on what I read? Not sure why but lately I'm been wanting a boyfriend but then I talk myself out of it haha. Maybe I fell and hit my head somewhere while I was working a week ago. Oh and last night at the festival I kept seeing people who looked like him. I was like what.the.poop. and I had to slap myself in the face and go for a closer look to convince myself that I'm going crazy. It wasn't the new him but the old, dorky, appearance that fell in love with me two years ago. Mmm, memories.

We've known each other for how long, Night night, which drops sad bitter salty tears fall.

We've known each other for how long, O night how long has it been dark, his heart frozen.

Last night I suddenly saw him in a dream, I sat quietly for a long time together.

Tonight I dream suddenly remembered about him in the winter winds.

Is knowing love, is where dreams begin.

[Chorus]:

Oh please this winter snows to make sure his child on the way.

This winter snowfall Oh please do let me know I need you.

And my time here so please stop place filled with the beloved.

A 1 crave your arms dream, I loved you, my people.

Last night I suddenly saw him in a dream, I sat quietly for a long time together.

Tonight I dream again suddenly remembered about him in the winter winds.

Is knowing love, is where dreams begin.

Oh please this winter please let it snow tonight and let my feelings be on its way.

This winter snowfall Oh please do let me know I need you.

And my time spent here so please let me flee from this place filled with the beloved.

As 1 crave your arms dreaming, I love you ................. Oh ........... my love.

Le Vu Lan.

Worked a 7 hour shift today. Tim seemed pretty angsty today for some reason? It was pretty busy day. I had a really odd dream. The whole family was out in this residence in the forest and it was all dark, like around 9PM and super windy. My dad was mowing the grass with those lawn mowers that you have to push around with and I was trimming the grass. The birds were really jittery and they kept flying out of this spot in the bush. Then all of a sudden it got all dark and the environment looked how it does in slenderman except instead of a man with no face approaching me it was this tiny little female figure, around 3 feet like a barbie doll with long hair tied in a pony tail. I ran into the house/cabin but it kept walking forward. Then we ended up in a hotel with a creamy beige walls with golden plasters and red carpet. and it keep walking towards me. I tried to keep it as far away as me and it kept walking at the same pace. It shaped shift into my little sister but I glanced behind me and I knew Andi was behind me in the room so that wasn't my sister in front of me. I decided to walk forward it and see why it wanted to harm me and it turns out it didn't. It wanted to communicate and seek a favor from me or something but it didn't want to harm me. I went through some kind of sauna and then I got turned into a doll and I played as a daddy role with this macho doll next to me. I was taking care of two baby dolls but they were all alive and moving, they just had that plastic doll appearance. Afterwards she thank me and said that after this we won't have a chance to speak or be like this anymore since there was a tiny antidote left to turn me back into regular human size. The antidote was this syrupy thing and the macho doll drizzled all of it over these loaves of bread and I had to eat them in order to return to my regular size and to my world. And note this, I was a guy in my dream too. How odd? Not sure what this dream could've represented because as soon as I ate the bread I woke up.

Michelle wanted to go out tonight but I had too much homework and on my way home my dad called me to inform that we're going to the temple tonight since it's mother's day. Grabbed myself some coffee and off we went to the temple. Ate bun bo hue and just chilled around. Saw Mimi and my mom talking and I'm like oh god, this is awkward so I just disappeared into the crowd. Spotted the guys working at the boba stand. Took a picture by the tree that all four of us took 2 years ago. Two years later, instead of the four, only two remain heh. Stayed back a little bit to watch the guys do their little dance to the army song then headed home. Bleh, well I'm pretty pooped and I still have homework. I'll finish it tomorrow. G'night world.

Day2.

Woke up the same time I did yesterday but I was too tired from work last night and not being able to sleep until 12:30AM that I didn't bother with any make up but my outfit was still cute as ever. Mr. Quinn basically went over orientation again and lulled me to sleep. Wish he would give a worksheet or something, anything! He rambles and rambles on about things that don't really pertain to anything. Finally got homework from like 4 of my classes but not enough to kill me. Work was steady. There were only two carhops since Stacy and I were on ice cream while Tony and John did headset. Need to head out and buy the 4B, 5B, and so on for drawing class. I really don't like it, not that I don't like drawing but that there are too many frills and requirements that I'm just like meh, I'd rather play with clay all day in ugly clothes. Oh, and I took a test in drawing too and it said that I'm left brain oriented? Got invited to a wedding again by a guy. So awkward because last time I went to one was with my ex and that's how the news of me spread around to the entire family linage and this time it's only as a friend but still odd and I don't know how to act. I tend to just eat, sit and look bored, and pretend to be on my phone and be occupied in these awkward situations. Time for beddy bye since I have work early in the morning and trying to sleep early since school and everything. Oyasumi minasan~^^

Picking up my siblings from school with my parasol.