Date.

Woke up really not wanting to head over to the contest and I decided to bail out because one, I didn't know the direction, two, I hardly studied, three, I was lazy heh. Surprise surprise eh? I better get my t-shirt that came with my fee though. I'll be so angry if I don't get it! Dilly daddled until it was time to head out. I arrived 2 minutes late and everybody else had gotten there 10 minutes before the appointed time LOL. Oh, me and my tardiness. He called and lied that he was wearing a blue shirt so I was looking around for a blue shirt even though I had spotted them but I didn't see their face so I was like wtf? Watched the Croods and Michelle had to leave early for her debate at school. Kevin left early because he had to ahem "use the bathroom" but when the movie was over he wasn't even back yet and when we walked out to the middle of the cinema, he came walking up with everything and he's like here you go man, do yo shit. Omo, my 'date' was pretty ticked off because it didn't go the way he exactly wanted it to be to ask me to prom but I thought it was pretty  cute! Hehe, I learned a lot from the past. It's okay if things don't go the exact way you picture it, as long as they tried and their intentions were sincere it's good enough. Went out to eat at Applebees after Kevin bought his first lottery ticket. We got separated on the road and they lost me for like 30 minutes. I was like pho, I'll just look up the nearest Applebees on my GPS since my phone was dead and they couldn't call me because of it. I almost ended up on the highway! I was like omg, noooo! I'm gonna die so I had to quickly switch lanes like hell. Drove by them and I saw Kevin so I started screaming out of the window hehe. They were surprised to see me! They had been wandering around trying to find me! They were like, how'd you find us?!? Cause they tried so hard to find me and shit. After dinner we headed over to Target and Wal-Mart to jack around. Bumped into Dustin and a couple of other guys. Chatted for a bit before parting ways. So yeah, this blind 'date' wasn't bad. It was pretty funny and a bit awkward but way better than the one with Brandon for sure. After I posted photos, I started getting all these messages and text from guys who like me, asking if I have a boyfriend and shit. They were in a panic thinking that they've lost their chance aha. I'm not in a rush for anything serious or a boyfriend in any matter. Being friends with everybody is good enough for me. If he's already found someone special for him, that's okay because everybody deserves to be happy. We both caused pain for each other and it's time to start afresh like he said. Like I told Mrs. K, I'm not interested in dating anyone but rather focus on my studies. I don't know why but there's only a couple of people I can't bring myself to hate despite how badly they treated me. Michael in the past has gone through a phase where he hated everyone of his race. From being best friends, he would lash out and ignore me. It hurt my feelings a lot, especially being a nine year old girl at the time. No, I did not like him in that way but rather as an older brother. Even with all the hostility, even while crying and being hurt I still saw him as a good person, wanted to be there for him, and help him. Only years later did he contact me and apologize. He says he still feels guilt and remorse when he looks back at how he treated me and surprised at how I didn't retort or hate him. I don't know, it just wasn't him. It's the same way with you. I can't bring myself to hate you even with everything that's happened. Maybe you can hate me, maybe you do. I don't know but perhaps in time we can be friends or something more. The past you is what I remember, is what I see, and what I think of when I think of you. You're a great person and I'm sorry for the times I've dampen your spirits and not encouraging you on. I've learned and I've lost. Life is life eh.

What was once lost is found.

All day today I kept contemplating on possible feelings that I started feeling upset and sadden. I distanced myself from him which not only made him feel worse but myself as well! We both only had an hour of shut eye. He's so sweet for staying up for me whether it be just to talk or keep me company as I finish up homework even into the late wee hours of 6 on school nights. He's such a jokester that I thought it was just me falling for someone so easily, so quickly. I admit, in the beginning talking was strenuous and a bit awkward but we got along well! I noticed that he laughed a lot and smiled too but I thought it was just me. The things he did and asked, I placed them for acts of kindness too. That everything he did was out of politeness and not wanting prom to be awkward and boring but they were also signs of liking someone as well. He would always tease me, asking why I'm blushing and smiling like a geek hehe. I haven't felt been this happy in such a long time! I actually started crying when he started giving me the cold shoulder. Hehe, took me forever and so much guts to finally confess but I did. I didn't think it would be so soon because initially I had planned to play it out but I don't know what possessed me to act sensitive. Apparently it surprised him too, and when he told me that his feelings were mutual, you don't know how giddy I was! Ah la la~ who knew I could be taught to love again and so soon? Gonna cherish him and be patient, won't make the same mistakes again! 

I was so pooped during school today that when I got home I started throwing up. Bleh. Went off to work and didn't come home until 1:00AM. Actually had good business and it was so nice that I could wear shorts again but I wore a long sleeved shirt underneath my uniform shirt. All night I had customers checking me out, I even heard boys on the patio commenting on my level of attractiveness! Awh. Brian visited me at work and we met for the first time heh. He thought I look beautiful, all sweaty and zombie like from the lack of rest and work. Gave me a pretty big tip too, ty! Bumped into Jonah and Issiac too, chatted for a while outside and Jonah noticed how cold I was so he took off his leather coat and made me wear it. How nice. Ah, so many nice friends in my life. I'm so lucky. Now if only I could be as lucky with the lottery or homework assignments eh. :)

Like and Love.

In front of the person you like, your heart beats faster.
But in front of the person you love, you get happy.

In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring.
But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.

If you look into the eyes of the one you like, you blush.
But if you look into the eyes of the one you love, you smile.

In front of the person you like, you can't say everything on your mind.
But in front of the person you love, you can.

In front of the person you like, you tend to get shy.
But in front of the person you love, you can show your own self.

You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you like.
But you can always smile into the eyes of the one you love.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with them.
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.

The feeling of love starts from the eye.
But the feeling of like starts from the ear.

So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all
you need to do is cover your ears.
But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a
drop of tear and remains in your heart forever.

Overanalyze?

This post is about boys and emotions, don't read if you don't wanna know.

I think this is different than before. I don't think he's lonely or wanting physical contact like the last guy. He doesn't call me things like babe, or cutie but I'm happy with the stuff that he does call me. We stay up late nights and joke for hours. I laugh and smile like a goofball but that's because he does the weirdest voices that are too funny not to laugh. I noticed that he smiles a lot too but I'm not sure if that's because I'm weird or if it's something else. Now, I'm not sure if he's into me or just trying to get close so it'll be less awkward for prom? I don't wanna like someone again after so long only to get rejected. I've had other guys confessed to me and I've been able to notice when they like me or not but my senses are blocked because of feelings. Ack, so difficult! He asked me about whether my parents wanted me to date white or asian guys and in all honestly they don't want me to date anybody anymore hehe..Iunno. Is that a normal thing to ask? I mean I ask people that all the time but I'm not sure if it's normal for others? Mmm..I'm gonna ask him to prom as well. Gonna sticky note his car and I'm thinking about getting him flowers. I wanna be cute about it even though haha. In the beginning I didn't wanna go at all but hey, why sit home and mope when I can go out and have fun? Plus, it was our friend that set us up for their prom. Which makes me wonder if he picked specifically me or if our friend just chose me? Sigh, so difficult to understand. Maybe if he wasn't sucha joker I'd be able to figure it out.

Proposal.

You can pretty much guess from the title right? Yup, wake up to have your mom tell you about your (2nd) marriage proposal only to have your fiance stolen later on in the week. LOL. Mmm, I don't mind. He's  wasn't as cute as my first fiance. Went to Olathe East Lanes for bowling, then laser tag, and finally to eat at Pizza Street. Ran into Freddie there and we chatted for a while. I was pretty surprised because we started talking the other night but hadn't seen each other in forever. Played DDR with Mary, Damian, and someone else at Laser tag. Omg, the machine kept messing up and eating all our token. We wanted two players not one damn it! The joint at my knees are achy as poop. Weird because I use to be able to do it for hours and only feel it in my thighs, not knees? Brandon got pretty riled up when I kept proclaiming Mary is mine haha. I don't think he knew what I meant when I asked him about the signal, mmm I guess moving forward is the best step. Cracked my phone when I returned to school, blarg! First time cracking my screen..William offered to get me a new phone but I declined because one, the one he wanted to get me was hella expensive! It's like dafuq, that's a fortune right there plus I'd feel quilty! Tommy's upset about me not keeping my word about our sushi date..that's only because I can't drive highways yet so he said he'll come to pick me up then lol. How sweet..and SUSHI! Awesome maaan.

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Tomorrow, if.

There's an urge to see how you're doing, to speak to you causally once again but I know I'll only be ignored and push aside. My friends are wanting to set me up on a date with a guy this weekend. Are you okay with that? If you don't want me to, if you still care just say hello or even nod in my direction is enough so I can know which direction to go. It's funny how different everything is, last year at Easter we were at your cousin's house and we had fun hiding the eggs and I was so nervous around your family members. They commented on how you have a good eye and that we looked like siblings. At incredibowls I would strike up conversations with you about Josh leading you to think I had a thing for him when honestly I didn't know what else to talk about haha. You were shocked to find out that I was friends with Sarahanne when we were standing in line for laser tag. Oh..how times have changed.

Found some old photos; 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Tears and broken hearts.